Love, Pain and the Whole Crazy Thing Part 2

[mcol]

[quote=pregnant&dbing How are things?]

Howdy ya'll...not sure if having a string get locked qualifies me as a seasoned veteran but here goes part 2 of the saga.

Ok..quick update: I am deployed to Afghanistan and received the ILYBNILWY chain of events last month. I believe she is having an EM with an OM she met on AOL in October.

I am very hurt, confused, sad and suffer bouts of depression as I try to struggle through what went wrong and if it is possible to retain my marriage.

I have been in the Army for going on 13 years and was in when we met and got married. My career has been a catalyst for the crap that I am in, although I have loved my career, it has exacted a toll.

We have three young children who are the light of my life and most of my feelings come from projecting what it will be like for them.

W keeps talking about her needs and her happiness and says the kids will be fine. She has said that she cannot see being happy and being married to me. Wow, that hurts.

Like many of you, I have built my life around this woman and my chilren and never envisioned having to think outside of that. In fact, every time I dwell on this whole thing too long I feel like I am being punched in the gut, really hard.

So fast forward to today. W has surgery tomorrow for an internal issue and has sent a red cross message requesting my presence. The bad thing is the doctor did not agree that I should come and this procedure is normal. My doctor over here in Afghanistan looked at the information from W and her doctor and agreed with her doctor saying he did not think I needed to go home.

I may be a little emotional about it but I see every opportunity to reconnect with my wife and prove to her that the Army is not the big bad wolf is a blessing. However, the Army said that I could not come home. I understand the reasons but I am still pissed about it because this will just be another way for her to look at my career and how it has hurt our marriage.

Somedays I am so hurt by the thought of losing my marriage because more than anything a divorce makes me feel like I will have failed in my moral upbringing. We both come from families where the parents stayed together for years. Sadly, her dad was killed in a car accident two months before I deployed. That too has wreaked havoc on our relationship because I was not there for her when she needed me the most.

Other days, shame on me, I am wonder what life would be like without all the drama that has been produced by this last year.

You must understand that my number one expectation for out of this sitch is to save my marriage!

Look forward to hearing from you on part II.

[pregnant&DBing]

W has surgery tomorrow for an internal issue and has sent a red cross message requesting my presence.

I would say it's great news that your W wants you home and took the time to send a Red Cross message in an attempt to get you here. Right?

this will just be another way for her to look at my career and how it has hurt our marriage.

Again, your career may be what she's saying is hurting your M. But really, it's her A that's hurting your M.

Hang in there.

[chocolateeyes]

Hi mcol,

HER doctor doesn't think it's necessary for you to be there, and YOUR Army doctor doesn't think so, either.

She makes this request one day before the procedure, timing that the Army is extremely likely to say "no" to?

Sounds to me like she's setting it up so this is yet another example of how your marital problems are all your -- and the Army's -- fault, and not a genuine desire for you to be there.

You know her best, but that's my take on it.

Choc.

[mcol]

Sounds to me like she's setting it up so this is yet another example of how your marital problems are all your -- and the Army's -- fault, and not a genuine desire for you to be there.

Choc,

She sent the message because I felt as though W would not send one on her own so I told her mom to "if she felt as though I needed it". I have to be honest, I kind of forced the hand on this one...probably backsliding. I was really hoping the message would come across stronger than it did. It backfired. I was hoping that I could come home on my white shining horse, save the day and my marriage would be fine. I realize this now.

Instead I have added insult to an already injured sitch. What makes it worse is that last night I was in tired and in the process of chewing her a$$ on IM (if that is possible)when my internet went out.

She has surgery today so I sent her a note saying I would be praying for her.

I have to get my head screwed on straight.

Thanks for bumping to my next string.

[pregnant&DBing]

mcol: what's going on with the paper-separation sitch? Anything new on that front recently? Any recent talk about lawyers and such?

[mcol]

mcol: what's going on with the paper-separation sitch? Anything new on that front recently? Any recent talk about lawyers and such?

Hey P&Db...thanks for asking. Nothing new on that front although with all of her medical issues and the holidays just getting over, I reckon she has just put it on the back burner.

Got to talk to her today before she headed to the hospital to get her surgery. I am anxious as I have never liked to see W go through any amount of physical pain. In fact, when we had our children, I cried for her because she was going through so much pain in delivery...I knew the kids would be ok.

Hopefully, after this procedure she will start to feel better. I am reading too much in to some things and my radar is so out of whack that I cannot even begin to describe it. I was listening to Fergie today and some of her songs sound a lot like what I believe W is going through. I just hope the lyrics in the song are not applied to my sitch because they never end good. It actually made me really sad listening to the song...so what did I do?? I LISTENED TO IT AGAIN...I must be smoking dope.

Hope ya'll are doing well...I will post again once I get a positive report from her surgery.

Ciao

[chocolateeyes]

mcol,

I will say a quick prayer for your wife, and I know how you feel. Even in the MIDST of my wife's affair, I never felt closer to her than when she was HURTING. It's the "rescuing" thing, and there's nothing wrong with it at moments like this. There's a HUGE difference between "don't rescue an infidel from the consequences of their affair" and "being there (even if just emotionally) to 'rescue' someone from physical pain, or even anxiety."

Choc.

[mcol]

Ok,

Sorry it has been a couple of days since my last post. Quick update. W surgery went well and she has been a slight bit more friendly to me since.

However, my stupid self tried to talk future with her yesterday and I got the Heisman. She said that she just wanted to live today and could not focus on the future.

I think I have had a mental regeneration. I have to continue to remind myself that their is nothing that I can do to fix the future. I have to worry about myself and the areas I can change about me now. I need to focus on my kids and some of the more tangible things like...a job for one. Even living arrangements are up in the air because I just don't know what I don't know.

Oh well...I am just thankful the surgery went ok. She has to be out of work this week so I offered to help her with the bills she sees as her own. I felt really wierd about thinking I needed to give her permission to cover her bills with my money since I have been doing it for so long. I mentioned that I did not want to feel awkward about money and she said she did not either.

I had a quick flashback this morning that I thought was interesting. After W became pregnant with our third child (over two years ago) I mentioned having a vasectomy and she said that I shouldn't because if something happened to her and I got married again then I would not have the ability to have more children. At the time, I was not even thinking about this ever being a possibility and quite honestly I do not want any more children or to be with another woman but I realize that I must not take that off the plate now.

Anyway...hope all is well.