Searching for the Path with Heart

[whiskey.tango]

My recurring nightmare is when I think what kind of men my boys will become, watching her and learning from her "moral viewpoint". My God it shakes me to my core.
SD

Hopefully your boys will look to YOUR example when it comes to relationships. Parents are the ultimate teachers. I admire that you are aware of this - I've known many people who do not give this a second thought.

Your patience is also a powerful lesson to them.

AO

[fb2]

SD, Your moral standing with the kids is admirable!!! This is what must keep you sane for the most part as it does for me.

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi SD,

What a good man you are, my friend. I feel much the same way: I just wish W would go away and never come back and darken my doorstep again. Me and the kids would be fine.

Best,
--Chris

[merrick]

SD, you're doing great. Keep taking one day at a time. One slice of "letting go" also includes not trying to force outcomes, one way or the other. Just try and enjoy the things you do have--especially those kids!

[SuperDad]

SD, you're doing great. Keep taking one day at a time. One slice of "letting go" also includes not trying to force outcomes, one way or the other. Just try and enjoy the things you do have--especially those kids!

Thanks Merrick! I do feel pretty darned good.

I guess I am just taking it one day at a time, de facto more than planned. I think this sitch would not bother me too much except:

1. I am ready to get on with MY life. Job opportunities (nearly all out of state/country), R opportunities, who knows what else... all stuck in limbo.

2. She is cake eating big time and I don't even think she realizes how good she has it.

3. The longer I let the status quo stand, the more likely I am to end up paying her alimony for an extended period. To have her break up our M and then to have to pay for the privlege is VERY tough to swallow.

SD

[BethM]

SD, you're doing great. Keep taking one day at a time. One slice of "letting go" also includes not trying to force outcomes, one way or the other. Just try and enjoy the things you do have--especially those kids

!

This is the best advice that I have seen given in a longtime. We all could use to do a little bit more of this. Sometimes I think we forget to enjoy what we do have.

Hey Dad,

A change of scenery is always a good thing. Maybe the business travel with give you the space you need and the answers that you are looking for in what will be best for you.

But I have to agree with Merrick. I also think you're doing great!

Love,
Bethie

[SallyM]

My recurring nightmare is when I think what kind of men my boys will become, watching her and learning from her "moral viewpoint". My God it shakes me to my core.
SD

Hopefully your boys will look to YOUR example when it comes to relationships. Parents are the ultimate teachers. I admire that you are aware of this - I've known many people who do not give this a second thought.

Your patience is also a powerful lesson to them.

AO

I agree with AO. I hope its enough for my kids, too (my example, not yours, lol). I look at my h and his choices and they are all things I do NOT want my kids to think are okay. but all I can do is show them another way, and raise them the best I can. in the end it will be their call, but I know I will hopefully counteract anything their dad does negatively.

[C_K]

SD

2. She is cake eating big time and I don't even think she realizes how good she has it.

3. The longer I let the status quo stand, the more likely I am to end up paying her alimony for an extended period. To have her break up our M and then to have to pay for the privlege is VERY tough to swallow.

Two very good points. She is cake eating . For her she seemingly gets it all right now and this makes it difficult for her to make the next step. I wonder though if it is only fear holding her back?

Yep and having to pay for this mess is salt into the wound , pays not to dwell on this

I feel your frustration in your posts , you want to just deal with it and get it out of the way.

Dave

[SuperDad]

Hi Dave,

She is cake eating . For her she seemingly gets it all right now and this makes it difficult for her to make the next step. I wonder though if it is only fear holding her back?

Not sure what you mean here? I think it is all fear: fear of having a lower std. of living; fear of being alone; fear of failure; fear of not choosing the right path; fear of growing old...

I actually think that fear is one of the drivers behind MLC. I think that fear is really what keeps many of us from truely enjoying our lives. One of the "afflictive emotions" that the Dalai Lama talks about, along with anger, jealousy, lust and the like.

I feel your frustration in your posts , you want to just deal with it and get it out of the way.

Yeah, I saw that too and I have been taking a mental break lately, not focusing so much on our sitch, just living my life. When I read through this again, I realized that most of my frustration was related to the "fairness" of the whole sitch. Upon further reflection, I definitely drew one of the better hands that life could deal a person, so I should stop whining so much!

As Sally and others noted, the current sitch definitely gives me the opportunity to be there for the kids and eventually the W will move on. Not on my timeline maybe, but it will happen.

For now, I am just going to work on my goals and let her spin in her own reality.

SD

[SallyM]

For now, I am just going to work on my goals and let her spin in her own reality.

SD

that is all any of us can really do, isn't it?

sounds like you are doing well, sd.