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A Message from Michele
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Re: Grand Finale [Re: Jeff223] #1468505
06/04/08 01:13 PM
06/04/08 01:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 4,626
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Lissie Offline
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Lissie  Offline
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Quote:
In the funk lately but slowly, slowly coming out of it. I do feel better but the anger and fear of the future are still there.

Divorce is very hard to take.


It is emotionally draining. I am happy to hear that slowly the funk is lifting. No funky men. The anger does creep up doesn't it? The fear also. As long as you don't let it consume you sweetie. You are in many prayers. Believe and trust in the fact that your future will be bright.





Quote:
Pig-pen city here. Uckk.


Well I don't think that the ladies are gonna love that.


Quote:
I hold back when it comes to women. I tell myself I am not ready but I wonder if that is just fear talking. No need to wonder - I know the answer. So do not want to be hurt again, to the point I look down on women in general. Even today, one tried to talk to me in the elevator, smiled and all - I just wanted to escape.


I think holding back, is fine. I do the same. Why "practice" on someone else, or why use someone else to escape the funk? It is not fair to that other person, and it will make us jerks. Ick.

In time lovey. I have so much faith in you.

You have read the books, and I think you do put it into practice. It may not be always, but for the most part, you know the deal.


I am a bit confused by your custody agreement. You only get the kids for the month of June?

Yes, do not give up your time with the kids. Also do not punish the X by not letting her see the kids just because.



Camping sounds like a great adventure. Yeah the known is great and safe. But an adventure with dad, is priceless.

Tenn is very nice, I was just there myself. Jeepers, but when it rains it really pours.


M&M loved the Indiana Jones movie, I was good until the alien.


Quote:
Waiting. Waiting is watching the world go by.


Enjoy the pieces out of that waiting. The world will look so much cooler.

Hugs sweetie.

Love that you posted!

Last edited by Lissie; 06/04/08 01:14 PM.

Live Simply
Love Generously
Care Deeply
Speak Kindly
Leave the rest to God
Re: Grand Finale [Re: Lissie] #1469264
06/04/08 10:30 PM
06/04/08 10:30 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Alabama
J
Jeff223 Offline OP
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Jeff223  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Alabama
Thanks Lissie. So sweet of you.

Someday the fog will lift. And I like the part of not using someone else right now. And I would be b/c of my inner feelings.

Thanks again.

As to custody, I average 40% of the time with them over the year. It is about 30/70 during the school week but it is 50/50 weekends, holidays, school breaks and the summer. June is just special b/c I get them 10 days straight for vacation over and above the schedule. So for the 30 days of June, the kids are with me 25 of the 30 days.

Sweet.

But I lose time in July when it is her turn to vacation.

Time I will use to turn the pig-pen into a palace!

No matter. I am making the most of a bad situation. So are the kids but I can see where they wish we were a family again.

Quote:
I was good until the alien.

You too? I thought the movie was great until the ending. But still worth an afternoon with the kids.

huggs.


Jeff

Current Thread
Re: Grand Finale [Re: Jeff223] #1472103
06/07/08 09:36 AM
06/07/08 09:36 AM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,442
Surrey, UK
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Jen_Jam Offline
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Surrey, UK
Sorry you're feeling low Jeff, it comes over that you are frustrated with feeling low, you feel as if you "should" be in a better place, you "should" be ready to date, you "should" be able to let XW's actions have no effect on you.

Note the word "should". i'd like to get it banned from the English language (and other languages as well)

You have taken a huge knock. Allow yourself to grieve for the lost R, if you didn't you wouldn't be human.

The kids - will never, EVER stop being your kids and there is nothing anyone can do about that. OK, you may have less time with them now but from what I read the time you do have with them is wonderful. Please focus more on what you do have and less on what you don't (hope this makes sense).

Quote:
I do feel differently than I did but nothing has changed really. I am more aware now and I know what needs to be improved but I just am not morphing into that new, wonderful man. I really doubt I will ever change really.


If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you won't. Sounds to me like you need some goal setting. This is something I do in my life ALL THE TIME now. I ask you now:
1. what do you want to improve?
2. what is that new, wonderful man like? How does he talk? What does he say? what does he do? How does he walk? What tone of voice does he use? What are his interests? How does he deal with life's knocks? Anything else about him?
Once you have identified specifically WHAT you want, you can work towards it. While your goal is always a wooly "better" it can be hard to attain it.

Are you missing the small signs too? It can be a useful exercise to look back and compare yourself now with you 2,3,5, 10 etc years ago.

I want to share as well something I came across last night. As you are aware, I struggle with my weight and it's all bundled up with my self esteem. I emotional eat a lot. I have given up on diets (I know how to eat healthily) and focus on changing me from the inside so I don't "eat my emotions". Anyhoo .... I came across EFT. I do tend to tell myself negative things in my weight loss journey (eg " I do eat like a pig, I do eat more than everyone else, I will always be the fat one") and this really hit me (from the website I will post below):

"Once you stop telling yourself negative things on a regular basis you'll find you do have power over yourself and your environment, and you'll start to be motivated toward making positive changes."

Have a look at the link, OK it's for weight loss but I think this may be of use to you. If not, well , nothing ventured, nothing gained. EFT link

Take care Jeff. You will survive this, I believe in you.


Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05
Seperated Sept/Oct 05
Oct 06 - H recomitted
July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Re: Grand Finale [Re: Jen_Jam] #1473510
06/09/08 12:16 AM
06/09/08 12:16 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 169
Brisbane, Australia
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TNP Offline
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Hi Jeff, have a read of these. I know I've mentioned this mindfulness stuff to you before, but you gotta get out of that funk, so here's some links.

There has to somewhere near you that does it and can show you the ropes as it were.

The Mindfulness bell magazine
http://mindfulnessbell.org/

Mindfulness practicing groups (non-profit)
http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/usa_sangha.htm

Professionals
http://www.umassmed.edu/cfm/mbsr/

Quick intro
http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/ht/mindfulexe2.htm

More food for thought
http://healing.about.com/od/mandalahealing/a/mandala_moss_2.htm


Take care,
Paul

Re: Grand Finale [Re: TNP] #1473538
06/09/08 12:56 AM
06/09/08 12:56 AM
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Lissie Offline
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Our little town has come a long way.


The chicks took me to this great place.

http://www.teakonthehudson.com/

Who would of thought Hoboken, would be come such a hot spot.

Oh yeah the food was FANTASTIC.


Live Simply
Love Generously
Care Deeply
Speak Kindly
Leave the rest to God
Re: Grand Finale [Re: Jeff223] #1473629
06/09/08 02:39 AM
06/09/08 02:39 AM
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 10,147
Memphis, TN
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sofaraway Offline
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Memphis, TN
Hey Jeff........for you buddy......

highly reccomended


Ian


M- 48
XW- mentally 17
KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

Re: Grand Finale [Re: Jeff223] #1481835
06/15/08 05:10 PM
06/15/08 05:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,910
North Carolina
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Bworl Offline
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North Carolina
Happy Fathers Day Jeff.

Hope you get a chance to hug your kids and that you are reminded of what a powerful role in their lives.


Bill


"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Re: Grand Finale [Re: Bworl] #1483344
06/17/08 12:15 AM
06/17/08 12:15 AM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Alabama
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Jeff223 Offline OP
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Jeff223  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Alabama
Thanks all. Jenny and Paul and Lissie - thanks. I do need to break out of my funk.

Kids wanted to go back to Tenn so I used SoFar's website. Got a cabin for the week. Should be fun. Pool Table and a hot tub. Thanks Ian.

Thanks Bill. Father's day was okay but it was better when we were a whole family.

I am doing okay - looking forward to the vacation. So much going on at work but I will leave that for a week.

Ex called on father's day to talk to the kids. I resented the break with the kids but did not say anything. After she talked to the kids, my son handed me the phone (normally Ex just hangs up after speaking to the kids). Ex wished me a happy father's day.

Unexpected.

I asked about her dad. If you recall he had a health scare a few months back and former MIL recently passed on.

Found out he remarried! Six months after MIL's passing - his bride of 50 years.

Married an old friend he has known since school days. They are both similar age (mid-70's) and he did it b/c he was lonely.

Ex's sister is all put out (sister took care of mom/dad - she lives in same town) and I was about to ask Ex how she felt but the her cell lost signal.

Ex did not call back.

So my former FIL gets remarried within 6-months? Kind of tells you something about relationships does it not? I will let you all fill in the blanks. Such as an affair before hand?????

No matter I guess. I just found it interesting.

The more I learn the easier it is for me to realize I married wrong in the first place.

Time to learn from the past so as not to err in the future.

Strength and Honor.


Jeff

Current Thread
Re: Grand Finale [Re: Jeff223] #1483544
06/17/08 03:02 AM
06/17/08 03:02 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,986
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WCW Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,986
Wow. Remarries within 6 months after 50 years to his bride? I hear that sort of thing often enough and still can't understand it.

You sound better.
You sound better?
You sound better!

Hope you have a wonderful time creating new memories with your kids!


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
Re: Grand Finale [Re: Jeff223] #1489590
06/21/08 05:26 PM
06/21/08 05:26 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,152
ON CANADA
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I_Still_Love_Him Offline
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Posts: 1,152
ON CANADA
Jeff,

Glad to hear you are going on a vacation with the kids.

Your Ex didn't have to wish you a Happy F's Day, but she did. Maybe unexpected but then again, we can never tell what they will do. My Ex actually responded to an email after 8 months of never even an acknowledgement of my emails. Blew me away.

As for your FIL getting remarried, at that age, I hear it is for companionship and usually nothing more. Love at that age means something different than when we are 20, 30, 40, etc.. It doesn't mean he didn't love your MIL. I know it sounds foreign to us but then again, we're not in our 70's and I don't want to judge him unless I was walking in his shoes.

Also, his sitch is different than ours. His W passed away. There is closure.

Enjoy the vacation. Sounds like it will be fun.

Hugs,
ISLH


Me: 49 - S22 & S26
H: 41 - No kids
M: 10/00
Bomb New Year's Day 2006
H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07
D final 07/07
Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
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