- H dropped bomb 5/07, was infatuated with coworker/EA. - We separated a month later & I filed for D (in shock, only did it b/c he SAID he thought we should D & he went with me to file....basically pushed me to do it). - 2 mos went by and he acted crazy (lost a ton of weight, drinking, changed his name, flirting with this coworker, many MLC behaviors) - eventually, coworker leaves the company, H calms down, says he misses me, etc. we go to MC for 3 mos - we've lived apart for almost 5 mos now. - we still have contact every week (dinner, etc, but no sex or affection just hugs) - H has said he wants D (bomb drops) on 2-3 occasions since orig bomb drop, each time he softens after, but not this last time...almost 2 wks ago - C told us to stop MC and each continue with IC - H bought a Porsche 2 wks ago - H claims NO OW just "making friends" and I know he goes to bars with a new single guy friend who i have not met - Our marital home is sold & H moves out in a week, to a condo where he hopes to "meet new people" - I am thinking of dismissing my original petition and telling him if YOU want a D then YOU file. I never thought a D was the way to handle our problems & I think if he were not in MLC, he wouldn't either.
Is there ANY hope for restoring my M? Or am I just a blind fool? My M was NOT perfect, it was rocky at times, boring at others, but I always loved him & felt sure he loved me. I can't believe what a change I have seen in him since his EA...he also says weird things like "We should D so one day we can get back together" and "I'm not lost, I just need to find myself" and "I need time and space" whereas pre-bomb, he wanted to be with me almost every second!!!
Pls help
Me: 32, H: 32 Together: 11, M: 8, Kids: 0 Separated: 6/15/07 My Story
The boards tend to be slow on holidays- hang in there, you will get replies. Also, posting on other threads you can relate to helps establish connections with other DBers.
Your H does sound like he is a classic MLCer.
I believe you will find reading the first few threads in the MLC forum, including MLC resources and MLC successes, to give you a lot of very helpful information and hope. (There are also a lot of reconciliations in the making posted in the "Piecing" forum.)
I had to change my name recently, but I have been here a long time- the support will be amazing for you if you decide to hang in there for the long haul. Unfortunately, it often takes many months or even several years for a WAS to come back to the marriage. If you believe in your connection with all your heart, again, there is plenty of hope. You have noted yourself that your H is ambivalent- I have seen much worse situations- with WAs with seemingly no ambivalence at all- where the WAS eventually comes home- sometimes even after divorce.
Women whose Hs came home that I can think of right away that are still on the board include imLIN, yellowrose, soxfan2007, Rollercoasterider, and brandnewday. I think it will give you great hope to read all their threads. Here is a link to soxfan's latest:
Rollercoasterider writes a lot of very useful info on MLC- has obviously studied it extensively. I believe she (generously) posts mostly on other's threads- here is a link to a recent post of hers- you can find her others by clicking on her name and then "View Posts".
And do check out brandnewday's story- her H was a real doozy! For an agonizingly long time... (Now home and things going great...)
As you will read everywhere and others will tell you: right now, despite the terrible pain, the way to survive this is to try as best you can to detach from what he is doing right now, while being as loving and respectful to him as you can at the same time- not an easy task. And most importantly, you must do your best to take care of yourself through this difficult time, including taking a good, long, hard look at things you could have done differently and more lovingly in the M. Not always, but usually the LBS made a lot of mistakes also.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
Your story sounds very familiar to me and my situation, so I feel for you. Whether there is hope or not is really impossible to say at this point. We just don't know what is going on with them, how long it will take for them to see the light, etc. What we do know is what makes us happy, given the circumstances. We can only look at ourselves right now. Drop the rope; it's hard, I know, but you will feel better when you stop asking "why" or "when." Take care.
