My D was 9-18 and I .. as most of you should know.. have my kids at home.
It is time to get out there and do my thing, I think ? Not seriously.. but to meet people and make some friends and let life move along.
My Question is simply this:
What have YOU been doing in that dept ?
I dont want to meet someone and be in a serious relationship yet I want to move along ? Life is only so long etc... I am ME !
Part of the DB'ing process is about us.. the main part, I think ?
Give me hell .. and give me feedback. I love you guys but no standers need apply on this one.
Come Along ? WE have to go somewhere and learn to interact again.. and learn to trust/care about someone else.. and go through the rentry into the atmosphere, I think ?
Tom, I worked in a very large place (about 3000 people) but I did NOT want to date anyone from work so I joined a dating service. I did it for about a year and had a lot of fun. Like you, I just wanted to meet people and GAL. The first few dates were nerve wracking and needless to say, I met some very "interesting" people. I could tell some stories!!!
Anyway, I got off of it for a year and didn't meet people that I wanted to date so I rejoined for 3 mos (I think). This time around, I was more ready for a R so I was much pickier about who I actually met from the site. As a result, I'm now with someone that I adore and couldn't be happier. We've been together for a little over a year.
Dating sites aren't for everyone but it worked for me and some others in this forum. Good luck and be prepared to have some laughs!!!!
Hey Tom I'm one of the ones it worked for. So glad I took the chance, My story is almost exactly like Jills, tried dating sites, a few actually , met some nice guys but no love connections and that was ok I wasnt ready for long term.
A year ago I started again, and as luck would have it, met a wonderful man and we have been together 10 months and counting.
There are all different kinds of sites for all different kind of people, whatever your taste I happen to meet my sweetie on catholic singles. Just worked for us.
Good Luck
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Tom, I'm about on the same time frame as you...my D was finalized 8/28. XH and I've been separated almost a year.
I have started dating. One of my friends was trying to set me up with this guy and when I mentioned that I was going to start dating to a different friend, she said well my husband and I thought you might get along with my husband's best friend. Bachelor #1 turned out to be a dud...he didn't even talk to me when we were going to meet. Bachelor #2 turned out much better than I was expecting. However, I told her that I didn't want anything serious and she said he DEFINATELY doesn't either. Well, I'm two weeks into this and I'm pretty sure that I'm in a relationship with him...I think he's very impressed by me. We talk every day and will be going out on our third date this weekend. I don't know if it's good or bad, but I'm just going with my gut. I like him and I like feeling appreciated. I think that the best thing is to just get out there and see for yourself what's out there and what feels right. I over-analyze everything, but for this first time in my life, I'm going to just try and go with it and see where life takes me.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Well, it took me a while to even be remotely interested in dating again - I had barely dated in high school - married my first love. And we all know how that turned out.
I had been interested in a couple of guys on the bb but sometimes I think that happens because they're there. Usually everyone is still bleeding over their split and these don't make great Rs. I know some have worked out but its better to get yourself together and be happy being single first.
My kids actually pushed me to get out there so, not meeting anyone in my city, I also joined a couple of dating sites. A good DB guy friend taught me "The Ropes". Like only giving out your first name, cel number and just meeting for coffee. That way you are safer.
Had a few coffee dates and didn't care if I ever saw the guys again. Oh, I had made lists of what I was looking for and not looking for so I was fairly choosy. Still, there were a few guys who interested me and vise versa.
Then I met Josh. He had been doing the online dating thing for a while but, like me, had met lots of women and never wanted a second date. Together, we were different. From our first date, we just clicked. And we've been dating for over 3 1/2 years now.
Looking back, I know I wasn't completely over my ex at that point, but I did know there was no going back. The new R has taught me that someone else COULD love me (my ego took a real hit when the one person I was sure of violated my trust in every possible way). I have learned that not everyone plays immature games, respect and reliability are of great importance to me. And the future isn't so important after all. Feeling secure in today beats that for me now. I don't know where it will lead but I stopped being afraid of that. I live for and enjoy today.
I only bash people who begin dating while they are still trying to save their M. That is not fair to anyone involved. You are divorced and it is perfectly fine for you to get your feet wet - just as the rest of us who went before you.
My best advice is to be clear on what you are going for but be willing to be flexible on the things of less importance. My compromises were on age difference (I wanted someone no younger or older than me than 4 years and my guy is actually 7 years younger - it has been an advantage I've learned) and also on distance between our homes (I wanted no one further than 45 min away and my guy is 70 min away). If someone is willing to make the commitment to be with you - you meet them halfway. That's how we did it in the beginning. Now we just take turns driving to the other's homes.
All I can say is "good luck". It is a scary but exciting time. Don't be in a hurry to "get there". Just enjoy the ride.
I think that the most important thing is to know who you are before trying to figure out who you are with someone else. For mostofmy life I tried to be, for everyone, who THEY wanted me to be.
I took awhile to figureout who I REALLY am this time. I have been divorced for over a year and have begun dating again fairly recently.
I have been very honest in my relationships...even when it's hard. Because I don't NEED anyone else...they are additions not necessary fixtures. And if they can't handle the truth...then they aren't additions, they are anchors.
It has also helped to keep things very low expectations. Sometimes I think that we are in a hurry to find "theone"
I already found "the one"...it's me so now is when I get to enjoy it!!!
Let them know you are in the dating circle to meet new people , friends, casual. Just in case they are not, prob best to make sure there are no misunderstandings or hurt feelings down the line.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
