I sent a copy of your response to Andy (I edited out the bit about him being Mr Control Freak, LOL). We are going to sit down and discuss it and try to come up with something.
Things have been escalating out of control. She tried to break my (new) TV today by throwing something at it and when I said 'Don't do that! It cost me �120!' All she could say was 'what? For that stupid little TV!?' No sorry or anything.
She didn't actually wash up the pots from yesterday like I asked her - she put them all dirty on the drainer and hoped I wouldn't notice, so I asked her to do them this morning and was met with more screaming and yelling. I dragged her into the kitchen by force and she then said she'd smash up my kitchen and she started throwing things - she's already broken the tea set I was given as a wedding present and I was really upset about that so I basically tackled her in the kitchen and before I knew it, the two of us were physically fighting each other and she was screaming 'bitch!' at me so I just lost my temper and screamed back at her.
I was shocked at how far it went downhill and I was just sat in the living room, crying afterwards. DD3 and DD4 came and gave me a hug.
I have tried talking calmly, FL, in fact before we started fighting each other, I talked to her for 3 hours one afternoon, about her feelings and why she's doing it. She said 'I'm doing it because you should be back together with dad by now and you should be living in the same house!' She also said that her sisters pick on her and that she wanted 'DD1's birth to be cancelled' because she hates her. She's also jealous of the fact that DD4 has lived with me since birth and she hasn't and she thinks DD4 is 'stupid' and that the only one she loves is Yanny because he's a boy and she doesn't like stupid sisters anyway.
I said to her that being violent and smashing things up is not going to make me and Andy move in together; in fact, it'll do the opposite because right now he's so stressed by this. I asked her what kind of life we would have together, if she was constantly yelling, hitting and smashing things up?
I tried to talk to her again this evening for over an hour, and so did her 11 year old sister, but this was met with her hitting herself over the head with the TV remote control (several times) and pulling her hair out. I was talking calmly and trying to get her to talk but she just got aggressive and in the end I had to hold her down on the floor to stop her wacking herself in the face again. She was yelling at me 'Get off! You're hurting me!' I said 'DD2, I'm actually stopping you from hitting your head again and if I have to hold you down, so be it.' I gave up trying to talk to her then. Straight after, she asked to hold the baby (who was looking at a story book with his other sisters) and I said no because she was hitting herself. I told her that she has to calm down to be anywhere near the baby or she might accidently hurt him.
This was met with more screaming, yelling, hitting, and she was on the floor, kicking like a 2 year old having a tantrum over some sweets, except that she's 5 foot tall and 10 years old.
They are all in bed now - I couldn't settle the baby till 11pm, and I am truly exhausted. Couldn't do any writing today, I only manage to iron a few clothes and that's all I've done all day.
I am taking them all to gym on Monday and after that I'm going to Andy's place to hang out with him for a few days. After 4 days with all 5 of them on my own and the way DD2 is being, I really need his company. It would be easy if she weren't like this. The others have been lovely.
I went to Andy's for a couple of days - earlier than I planned as I was so exhausted by DD2's behaviour.
As soon as we got in, she stopped behaving as badly. She did hit herself once but other than that, was normal. I was so annoyed. When he asked her to do things, she did them without complaint. I feel angry that she's just playing me up because its me. She said she was like that because of the D and it was my fault and I got called a bitch by my own daughter. I just didn't want to be around her that evening.
I started telling Andy all the stuff she'd done but he stopped me, saying he didn't want to hear it as it was stressing him out. I felt kind of winded as I desperately needed to offload at that point and he wouldn't let me. Then he said he was cross with me because I didn't want to meet her social worker (I am worried they will twist things, I don't like social services because they just meddle, rather than help) and he said he felt like I got the ball rolling and then left him to deal with it on his own.
I said I was sorry he felt that way, that I was trying to support him and that I had requested help for DD2 because I felt she needed it, but that didn't mean I wanted a social worker round my house telling me what a bad parent I am. I wanted help for DD2, not me.
Then we dropped the subject. We didn't argue. First time ever he has expressed anger towards me without us arguing.
We were both tired so just went to bed without even spending much time together, but he slept with his arm round me which was kinda sweet.
I woke up next morning and saw him and Yanny asleep next to each other (really cute) and I thought its moments like this that make up for all the stress and rubbish.
We took the kids to gym and Andy decided to take me out and treat me to lunch, which was nice.
I came home today and am meeting up with him again on Friday when we are taking the kids to a museum. I am taking a couple of days to catch up with my writing and tidy the devastation that the kids made of my house, as well as having a girls night out with my friend so hopefully things will be a bit more relaxed next time we see each other.
