Ummm - I had hope. I had faith in him. He's pretty much broken that for me. Maybe I'm still really angry. I know I'm distrustful. I think I'm at a place now where I know I've done what I could to "fix" what I did. This isn't on me now.
And he's with her. Of all people - a low blow. An easy out because she's already mostly hooked, less work to "find" someone new.
I had faith in him, and realize now that I shouldn't have. I shouldn't put my faith in people. They let you down.
The night I saw him with her at the bar, we went next door and I met this fella. He's nice, sweet and attentive. I don't want serious, I want a friend. I am not ready for a new relationship, but I enjoy talking to him. I know it's new, and it can wear off, but he's more attentive to me in this week, than XH was in probably two years or more.
I've taken a hard look at our marriage. I know we can all be selfish, but I think he is right in the aspect that he should have never been married. When I look back, I see some sacrifices, but mostly it was his wants. It was not a partnership - and I'm sure he'd say the same thing.
I will always love him. Maybe one day he will realize he had someone that loved him unconditionally like he claimed to. For now, that's not happening and I can't sit and wait on him to maybe change his mind, or take me as his second choice.
Our daughter is doing ok, although she has become VERY clingy with me this week and I'm unsure why. Thankfully my hours at the 2nd job are quite a bit less and we're having a girls weekend so I'm hoping that will help her.
Basically, I've decided I need to focus on her and taking care of her. Being a good mom. A good person. Because you know, I made a mistake, but I am still a good person. And I am tired of being beat down for a mistake. I choose not to beat him over the head about his....
Did that make any sense?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Can I use your thinking for myself? I made a mistake, but I'm still a good person. I guess I should say that for my W too, she made a mistake, but she is still a good person.
I think you XH is deluded, if he really thinks this OW can fullfill his needs, make him happier, or do anything for him better than you did. He has to fullfill himself and if he looks to others, he'll end up in a mess again. Poor guy.
What song did you pick?
I've finally gotten to where I can listen to love songs, sad songs, songs that remind me of her, and not become emotional. I still have a hard time with a couple of songs I associate with the OM.
should everyone have a theme song?
Do you know a bbq place called, I think, Oklahoma Joe's? It's in a gas station. When I worked in KC, I tried most of the BBQ, and I think that was my favorite.
Be careful about sweet, nice, attentive men. We all (speaking for all men) have an evil side.
My friends warn me that IF I get a divorce, I will need to wait before I date again, that I'll be a mess, wether I realize it or not, for months or more, before I can be in a relationship that will be fair to the other person. How do you feel about that? You just want a friend now. Friends are good.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
I agree. I'm not even close to wanting a relationship. It's nice to have someone to talk to. I don't think I've tried the BBQ place...have to check it out.
As far as the warning on men, I think that's why I am so guarded.....I keep thinking of the worst possible scenario.....I have to get past this.....
The song I picked...I like the beat & music to it:
Everything - Buck Cherry
Buried way beneath the sheets I think she's having a meltdown Finding it hard to fall asleep she won't let anyone help her The look on her face a waste of time she won't let go gonna roll the dice Loosing her grace starts to cry I feel her pain when I look in her eyes I want ta be I want everything, I want everything Somewhere she is on the streets trying to make things better Praying to God and breathing deep gotta break this long obsession [Pre-Chorus] [Chorus] If I had everything would I still want to be alive or want to be high [2x] Now and then she talks to me and sometimes writes me letters [Pre-Chorus] [Chorus] Your eyes, never close your eyes open up your mind and you can have everything
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
LoginName (LOL!!), I totally agree about jealous. I have NEVER felt jealous until H's A, then I was consumed with it, it was a raging fire. But you totally pegged it, it stems back to me, me realizing my faults/inadequacies. And yes, I find myself saying "I am as good as OW, better in fact, because I don't cheat". But the jealously of her 'having' my H in more ways than one ate me up. Still does.
KS I know you are in a hard spot just as I am. We just have to focus on our D's and take it one day at a time. Although I am glad to hear you are letting yourself up again and not beating yourself anymore. We all make mistakes but not everyone is a good person....BUT you are!!! Hang in there and we will all get through this together!!!
KS, I have to say I'm a little envious of your position. My W hasn't "decided" if she wants a divorce or wants to be with me. I am tempted to end it myself, so I can move on and get over this. I wish she would make up her mind. So, I envy you - a little. ;-)
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
KS, one thing that a wise man told me recently is this, don't let your XH determine your relationships with other men. Deal with new men in your life on new terms, determine your level of interest, trust, affection, attraction, whatever solely on their own merits, not on the way your husband dealt with things. It's good advice. Tough to swallow maybe, but it is right. Otherwise you punish yourself, and new people for what your XH did, that's not right, of course. have a good night!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
The way I see it you are in a very advantageous position. We tend to glamorize affairs because we see them in movies or gossip about celebrities but in reality it can be damaging and underground. I saw a cheating woman on Oprah. She looked like a stroke victim because half of her face looked melted. Did you catch that episode? She had very low self esteem and would sleep with this married coworker in her mini van after dropping off her kids at school. He would use her and make promises. They would sneak around in cheap places and such. It sounded horrible.
LBSs on the other hand get to date and not sneak around and choose. We get to be more selective. We are not going to go with the first damaged soul who cheats around because of esteem issues. Affair partners are accidents, more like car wrecks. We have choices. A sea of choices, maybe even upgrades or we can be fine all alone. I do believe in marriage and reconciliation for life, but I also think dating can lead to DBing. I think we really have the better hand dealt here.
Last edited by mkultra; 09/02/0704:02 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
well MK - I'm actually on both sides of that fence. You see I am the one who cheated. One time. But that was enough. Never mind what all led up to it at home. We only discuss what "I" did to ruin our marriage.
I'm seeing a lot of truths right now and to be honest, what's weird is I'm finally "at peace"....my stomach is pretty normal...and I don't have the ache for him like I did. Maybe I have my own band aid, but this band aid pays attention to me, and is a sweet guy. I am not looking for permanent anything, but companionship.
What's funny is a few weeks ago, I'd asked XH if he'd p/u our divorce papers because he was going to the next day. According to him, there were "too many painful memories of downtown" so he just didn't venture that way....
But Saturday he had his EA on his Harley and took her to the restaurant where we met -- a place he said he'd NEVER take a woman.
He hasn't seen or talked to his daughter in a week. I'm really seeing what kind of "man" he is....and to be quite honest, I wish he'd just terminate his rights to her, because this isn't fair to her. She is suffering. She's very needy right now, clingy to the point of desperation with me, all because she misses him and maybe feels somewhat abandoned.
You go from seeing your daughter daily, to moving out and still seeing her daily to every other weekend? Selfish @$$.....and I can't believe he's turned out like this. I just can't.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I love where you are at right now; your sense of peace, your ability to look at things more objectively ... even your nervousness about dating this guy who is being very good to you.
I hate what your daughter is suffering though; I wish I had some great suggestions. What does DBing say? Is there a "plan" of some kind to keep parents connected to their kids? I'm praying for her; I would think maybe this would bring some good opportunities to discuss your faith and how God will never leave us, but I know she's a little young to "really" embrace that.
