I have said earlier that when I am convinced of something to do with my wife and OM, I am more often then not wrong.
W's job, and contact with OM has been really bothering me. Focusing on it, loss of detachment, etc. So the other night I just said I really wanted to be able to talk to her about everything, incl. OM. I told her that her choice to reapply for work that would keep her in contact with OM was difficult for me to understand, but that I would like to try.
The response was that because of a change in employment, the OM would not be involved in that aspect of the job.
I want so badly to be able to trust her again, and everytime I don't, it turns out I should have. I wish there was a way to rebuild the trust that didn't involve being proven wrong. I made a point to say that I was glad to know that OM would not be involved, and to tell her that without her telling me, there was no way for me to have known that.
81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
rebuilding trust is probably harder than separating two coats of paint.
but if you choose to continue seeing her, you have to wipe the slate clean, easier said than done, but you have to.
it really doesn't matter if she works with the OM, if she is worthy of being your wife, she'll have the resolve to conduct herself in a professional manner and keep temptaion at bay. if she can't, well then, match.com here we come!.
bottom line is, you can't control her, if she is going to slip up, she will and you'll find out. just trust her, wipe the slate clean and when you get that funny feeling, talk yourself out of it, don't spend energy on it.
Hey Ford; Thanks, it's really good to hear from you. Two coats of paint is about right. We had D15 MIA for awhile tonight and she was checking her phone, I was sitting right next to her, I saw recent call to/from OM. Thankfully, before I said anything, I thought about my previous post and realized it was just as possible that she had called OM to tell him to come get his sh!t out of her place as anything else.
The problem is that I did not feel like I should comment on it. Maybe that is a good thing though, in keeping with what you wrote, that is her problem. If she wants to move forward with me, then she will choose to do so, if she does not then so be it.
I don't know about match.com, but I do know that when I look at what she is doing, I am strengthened. Lots of contact, willing to go to MC, limited (if any) contact with OM, positive responses to offers of time together, etc. In other words, she is willing to date me and that is a good start.
81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
8, it all sounds great (especially the kids going back to school!) but, a word of caution, don't be too eager here. Let her earn you back too. Don't always be available when she wants time, show her that you have a life and she isn't the only thing in it! Play a little hard to get, don't be rejecting but let her know that you'll be OK with her or without her. I'm so happy things seem a bit more positive for you! BTW didn't the Browns kick the crap out of the Bears the other night? OK, so maybe your world isn't that great right now!
Whatis; Greatt to hear from you. You are right, I am way too available. I have not figured out how to strike that balance yet, but I better pretty soon because I am starting to get resentful, yes I know, normal at this stage, but it seems like I am doing all the work.
As I write that, I realize that she is working at it as well, only she has farther to come, as in coming back to me. I never really left. I was and continue to be a detachment failure and that makes this even more difficult then it needs to be. I continue to do things for me, but find myself slipping back into those old patterns of me doing everything for her, of looking for ways to show her that I am still in love with her. I need to let her show me.
Positives: 1)W has agreed to, and gone to MC. 2)W has said she loves me but only one time (I have by the way reverted to the no ILY rule until we are further along) 3)W looks for things for us to do together, both as a couple, and as a family. 4)W is spending a lot of time with the kids. 5)W introduces me as her H. When we first started to reconnect, she would say things like "Oh hi, and this is 8....." then it became "this is 8,.....my husband", now it is "this is my husband,8" 6)W will pull me to her and kiss me.
I need to stay focused on the positives without losing track of what brought us here.
81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
We had D15 MIA for awhile tonight and she was checking her phone, I was sitting right next to her, I saw recent call to/from OM. Thankfully, before I said anything, I thought about my previous post and realized it was just as possible that she had called OM to tell him to come get his sh!t out of her place as anything else.
and that makes this even more difficult then it needs to be. I continue to do things for me, but find myself slipping back into those old patterns of me doing everything for her, of looking for ways to show her that I am still in love with her. I need to let her show me.
but only one time 
(I have by the way reverted to the no ILY rule until we are further along)
