Okay this is where I really need the help i think. I'm very religious and yesterday while listening to the speaker something seemed strange. I begin to think what if she was actually open to reconciling. I have not spoken to her in a couple weeks but something told me okay this might be a real option that she might consider it.
This is what i've been working towards since I went in save my M mode. Then I begin to think is this even what I want. It was like banging on a glass door for 2 1/2 years because you think you got trapped and you can see outside and you think you want to be out there and it finally opens and you think to yourself do I really want to be out there. We'll I begin to think there maybe a very real option that these doors could begin to close. And at the point I begin to think about jumping out right before they closed again.
This morning I feel as if I might actually be willing to consider it. Considering is this an M worth saving. But nevertheless I don't think I can really trust myself with any decisions just yet.
Mr_Indecisive99, You mentioned "Religious". Check out: "Hope for the Seperated" - Gary Chapman "Every Woman's Desire" - Stephen Arterburn Anything written by Gary Smalley "Bold Love" - Dan Allender "Captivating" - John and Stasi Eldredge. "Wild at Heart" - John Eldredge. Any of Harley's stuff: MarriageBuilders.com And of course "Divorce Remedy".
I raid the Public Library for books unless they don't have them then I will buy them. Hope this helps.
You mentioned a lot about your wife's "Lying". I'm in the same boat. At this point in time, I believe nothing that she says. I'd like to hear others view on lying, for you and me. I think it's a really real issue. I mentioned to OM BS my wife's character flaw, including lying, lack of empathy, etc. thru this (She is a doctor), and she said that this is beyond "Character Flaw". Something to think about.
My wife is so good at lying that when i know shes lying I almost believe her. But she has some deep rooted things in her that I cannot figure out. I asked her to promise to her maker that there was nothing she needed to tell me before I let her know I knew what was going on. She said No. How you can lie once confronted with that ? I have no idea. It wasn't to keep me because she says she didn't want to work things out anyway so what would have been the point of lying to me about the A when confronted with that ?
My wife lied to my face so many times about her A. But, I finally noticed a twitch when she lied, I kid you not. She called me crazy a lot too. This whole thing, once you get some detachment, gets kinda funny. Took awile to find that twitch though. Check out the book "Ultimate Betrayal". Keep in mind that it sounds you are still early in this nitemare. Patience. Go for walks, read everything and anything on infidelity. Read your Bible too. Work out eat rite, LIVE WELL it's the ultimate revenge (Please don't take the word revenge to literally). Move on and up with your life. THAT will get her attention. Keep posting, there is a lot of experience here to help you.
? I have not really started to think about the two of them and the deed in great detail until last night. I started to think what if she went down on him. That's something I don't think i would want to continue in the relationship after. I know what we're trying to accomplish here but am i reaching with this one. Is that right to say that? To give that sort of an ultimatum. If you did this I don't think I could proceed to work things out if we ever got to that place.
I miss the girl big time but her being that submissive to him just seems like there's various layers of cheating. Not sure if anyone else has heard anything of that nature.
Also i came to the realization that although I've been feeling very very betrayed even though I knew this might have been an option for her when we separated knowing she has sex addictive personality I am know starting to see that when I told her I didn't have a romantic love for her and I didn't really want to have kids with her how betrayed she must have felt. I thought I was just being truthful. But I'm thinking now that I probably committed the ultimate betrayal. And if thats true then do I have the right to give myself an ultimatum about what she did or didn't do with him? Thoughts please
(fyi, I've been reading DB book and I now see why i made those comments. Due to depression, and selective memory, not my real feelings for her which I'm relieved to know)
That's your perogative of course, but in my opinion it is sort of an odd boundary. The fact is that you don't have any idea what they have done or haven't. And no matter what you say to her, if she hasn't done that yet there is no way she will tell you if she does, unless it is just to make you give up.
The less you know the better. Don't dwell on the details, and for heaven's sake don't ask!
Okay I need some help from the woman side of things. I can't believe she has changed her # and stopped talking to me just because I punched her boyfriend. I thought it was romantic....somewhat.
Anyway it's been weeks, I've sent roses and letters. Technically i'm not suppose to have contact with her until August but do you think she just like never wants to talk to me again period because I did that.
