Ok. Today I lost my house and my dignity. Take that I've already lost my H to OW and my kids to H 35% of time and I'm done. My bottom line has been crossed.
I went over to H and again begged him to work on M with me. Totally refuses. I behaved totally erratic and was crazy woman. I admit I hate myself like that - can see why he wouldn't want me.
Truth is guys...OW and my H can have each other. He is in love with her and wants only to be with her. Well, I say good luck and god speed.
So interestingly enough, I mentioned that and his demeanor even changed. Don't know if it was wishful thinking on my part or not. Mentioned maybe cancelling MC and he said we still should go, though its not MC, its nothing. Mentioned he even told OW he's going with me. Could it really be true? If so, what a mess of a couple they are!
Really, whats the point of MC? So I can belabor my pain? Truly if he thinks he can be happier with OW than with a W who would do anything to fix M with him, than there is nothing I can do. Again, good luck to them. Wish me luck in finding someone who will love me.
I know this goes against everything DBing but its how I feel tonite. I can't take this anymore. My kids deserve a male role model in their lives that doesn't run when "death do us part" really just means "til someone seemingly better does us part".
Well, I'll be checking in and giving feedback. Who knows, maybe I'll even change my mind
H4, you're not done! Shut the FU** up, and get back in the game! Who gives a Sh** about the OW? She is his for only a season at the most; you have been his for a life time. The thought that you may change your mind shows that you are not done, and you still have alot of fight in you left. We, that have chosen to stand, have all been where you are; it's not easy but it's do-able! At the end of the day you want to say you went down swinging. Breaks over. We've all been where you are! Call if you need to talk!. My e-mail is thomas_gerleman@sbcglobal.net give me your; I will call.
I feel exactly like you. I am done too. My H is still living with OW and she can have him. He honestly was never that great of an H before, and he at the bottom of the barrel now. I love him very much and stood behind my vows, but after eight months of him putting me through h$ll, we are done. I told him if he can't leave OW, there is nothing more for us to discuss. I agree if H really thinks that he is going to be happy with her, be with her and leave me the h$ll alone. The truth is that he is not happy with OW but can't bring himself to change anything so he just stalls the divorce. Isn't life grand!
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
I think for lack of a better word "pride" keeps our S from admitting they are not happy now. It's like they don't want to say "what was I thinking". I know "pride" is not the right word because if they had that in the fisrt place WE would not be in this sitch. But do you know what I mean?
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
It's good that you feel as though you are done - now maybe you will stop begging and doing everything you can to ensure he stays with OW by being totally erratic and (a) crazy womanand you'll get to a place where you can look after yourself, follow the philosophy of DBing and let him have enough space to sort his head out.
He still wants to go to MC?? He's not done yet, he's very confused.
Pull yourself together and get on with it.
OK?
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
I made the decision last nite as I couldn't sleep that I wasn't going to see him anymore. On the times I have to switch kids with him, I'm going to have a sitter present. That way I won't be tempted to talk about our R, and he can wonder what I'm doing. It might not be total DB, but for now, it's a plan. insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! Plus, in "Surviving an Affair", the author gives Plan A and Plan B - Plan B says if H/W won't give up OW, you should do just that - cut off all contact and have someone handle your transition times.
What do you guys think? He won't get to see me being happy and chipper and all that, but at least he won't see me be crazy and erratic. Maybe he'll wonder (I hope) how I'm doing. I could from time to time call about the kids, I guess, so he can see I'm not crazy all the time.
I will also keep going to MC as long as he WANTS to go. He did "have to cancel today", but he's trying to reschedule at least. We'll see.
My IC made an analogy yesterday. "Its like marinating steak. If you expect your H's change and awakening to happen quickly, you are marinating the steak for only 5 minutes. For the reward to be great, you really have to marinate the steak for hours." She wants me to think about my H's process as something that needs time, and that he seems to be doing it in his own way.
Sometimes I get so angry at myself. I say one thing and mean another with my actions. I get angry my husband doesn't do something right away and then he calls me on things I've said like "if you go to MC with me, I won't have any expectations on you." Then when he doesn't quit OW in a week, I lose all credibility.
So this is why I've decided to go dark. That and it will save my sanity! I really need time to reflect on this marriage and to decide if its what's best for me and my boys. My husband has pulled some pretty low stuff.
Husband, my husband really believes he's happy with her. So know I don't think its just a pride thing, for now at least. Give it time?
Walkingback, thanks for listening!
Hopeless, I pray for all of us, but you especially - you seem to be right where I am about (my H's OW started around Sep/Oct). Only last nite was tough because it was first nite she moved up here. Now I know they are probably together all the time.
