He Finally Lost His Mind!!

[Kim07]

DNO~~its' simple~~Because you love him still, as I do my H,,it will take many years to get over him, but the pain will lessen w/time from what I hear,,i'm going thru it myself & i'm not even D'd yet! Just the sep. was too long! Its' like a death of a loved one thats' how I would describe the pain,,I hope & pray you get thru this quickly! Good luck, keep coming here for support & love on those boys like theres' no tomorrow!

RAIN~~I cannot fathom what you must be going thru ,,maybe 'hell on Earth'?! Keep your chin up & remember that you don't have the "chains of wickedness" your stbx will be carrying around for the rest of her life! Thats' just so wrong,,I hope & pray for a speedy recovery for you as well!

Peace friends,
Kim

[Handful of Rain]

Thank you, Kim07, I hope the same for you as well.

[FRIEND]

DNO,

OMG he married her, what an a$$. He is truly lost DNO. Listen, now really think about this because I have to do this myself. Really, really ask yourself, Would you really want this man back? He's not the man you married. He's not the man your mourning. Ask yourself, if he was to come back in your life, the man he is today, the man he is now, WOULD YOU WANT HIM?

I'm sure the answer would be NO. DNO, you feel this way because you love him, you probably always will, but........he was different then, the love you feel is for that man that use to be. He's not that man anymore.

I will write more later...........please think of what I'm saying.

Take care,
Love Friend

[BethM]

DNO,

I was sorry to read this as well, but listen to FRIEND. These are the hard, cold, fact that we all have to face sooner or later.

The love I had was for the guy I married. The guy I married would never have done the things that this man has done, especially to his children, nor would the guy that you loved.

The only person that you can make happy now is you. It doesn't really matter what he's done or is doing. All of the crap that he's put you through speaks volumes about where he is at the present in his emotional journey. Look how unhealthy all of this is for you.

We all know how it feel to think you know someone so well and to have the rug suddenly and unexpectedly pulled out from under us but there is a new life out there for you. You just have to want to moved on and find it.

Love,
Bethie

[DownNotOut]

Thanks for all of your responses. I am better now--I suppose after so many years of this, the bouncing back time gets shorter and shorter. I expected that he would marry the old hag eventually---still, I think he's a complete idiot. He settled to wallow in the mess that he made.

I really don't see him at all anymore, and it's probably for the best. I wish I could get beyond this anger that I feel every time his name or hers is mentioned. Mostly, I'm angry that he could throw us all away and move on to a new life like this one never even mattered. He can walk away from me and the boys and our home and start a brand new life with his bimbo and leave me here raising our kids alone and leaving me the mess to clean up and rebuild--knowing that my boys will never have a complete family or the life that they should have had. I make ends meet, and that's about it.

Still, I can live with myself. And you are right Friend---I would not want the man that he is today. I told him in our phone conversation (aka XH reaming) that the man I was married to died 5 years ago. And I meant it. My H died the day he chose to meet that hag and crawl into bed with her. He threw our marriage away for a roll in the hay. And I fully believe that it changed who he was inside. How could it not, when you are lying and cheating on your wife and children? It would have to change the person you are.

I spoke with my X's mother last weekend. She said that his sister is also divorcing after a long marriage. She also cheated on her spouse--although the sitches are totally different. Her H cheated on her years ago and has verbally abused her for as long as I can remember. She apparently was friends with a man and her H accused her (in front of all the people she works with apparently) of being a slut and sleeping with anyone. (I guess it was bad) I guess she went ahead and slept with the guy.

The funny thing is--I can see why she did it. She told her mother that this man listened and talked to her without screaming and yelling and calling her names. I'm not saying it was right, but knowing these 2 for the past 25 years, I can see how it happened.

But then it made me wonder if my X found someone that he felt listened to him--someone he could talk to, because he told his mother once that he couldn't talk to me. I don't know why--maybe because I'm so damned opinionated. Maybe it was all in his own mind. I don't know. Just got me thinking.

2x4---I know that it does not matter. Maybe I just don't want to repeat the same pattern with someone new someday. I even hate to think that I was considered anything like my X-BIL. They had the most volatile marriage I have ever seen. Fighting all the time and fighting nasty. We never did, but still, I wonder.

I'm taking the boys on a short vacation to St. Louis next week. Just a couple of days to get away, but not too far from home. I think that my mom is going too, which will be good for her. One more week of work, then I'm off for a week. I need it.

DNO

[Iwondertooo]

Hey there, I have been thinking about you and how you feel for a while. Please bear with me, this goes back a bit, but I remember your saying often "he left me and the children". Would it be possible to think he did not leave YOU, maybe instead think he just left? Like in went away? Like it had nothing to do with you and the children? You seem to be harboring a huge amount of guilt. You cannot just put that away and internalize blame for something that you did not do. It will hurt you forever. Honestly for some reason this crap happens and you will release it when you can.

I mention this only because after many years of therapy I have stopped allowing other people to judge me. It was a release that I can not explain exactly. But if you can stop judging yourself through his eyes... Maybe?? Wonder

[HappyToday]

Hey there DNO! I haven't been here in a while, but saw your post and had to answer.

But then it made me wonder if my X found someone that he felt listened to him--someone he could talk to, because he told his mother once that he couldn't talk to me. I don't know why--maybe because I'm so damned opinionated. Maybe it was all in his own mind. I don't know. Just got me thinking.

2x4---I know that it does not matter.

DNO, he had every opportunity to talk to you. He didn't want to. He wanted something else. I've beaten myself up before because I felt as if I had talked to my X, it all would not have happened. But I was there, and I would have listened. I know I would have. You would have too. If they choose not to talk to you, that is something that's out of your control. God grant me the serenity....

Sure, if we could go back we would. But we can't. Nobody can DNO. So our X's chose to be weak and find comfort without telling us they needed it. They wanted it from somewhere else. They were the one who didn't take the vows seriously. We can't change that. We can only go forward. Your X is weak DNO, just like mine. He's made his bed, let him lie in it. You're too darned good of a woman to stay in this place. He has what he wants. You need to move forward and go after what you want. And by this time you should have a really good idea of what that is.

I always hope for your happiness DNO. Because you deserve it. You really, really do.

[FRIEND]

Hey DNO,

I hope things are better. With time they will be. The hurt will always be there, it just doesn't ever go away, how could it? But it does get easier. You know this.........try with all your heart to move on, it's so hard, we all know this, but give it all you have. You deserve it. We all do.

Love,
Friend

Hey, going out on a second date tonight cross your fingers, he seems to be a normal guy, lol which seems to be rare nowadays, lol. but guess what, I'm fine either way, and that's good.

Please call if you need to.

[DownNotOut]

Hey Friend! I hope the second date went well. I haven't seen your thread on here---I barely found mine!

I've been up and down lately. More ups usually, but this weekend is a down.

My X had the boys this weekend--and I don't know why, but I always seem to feel hurt and then I'm combative when the boys come home. There's sadness and anger, and I don't know how to not let this bother me. My kids have a new family every other weekend. He introduced his new wife to old friends of ours this weekend. These friends live down by me. The X always talked and stuff with the male friend, and I saw him quite a bit helping the X work on the tractor and such.

Just once I would like someone to say "you left your wife and kids for that?" Just once. But everyone seems to be excepting and I don't know, it just hurts. Is this person really that wonderful? And what hurts the most is that I think my kids actually like her. I feel like I've been betrayed by them. Sometimes I feel very alone.

God, I think I need therapy.

Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone else have to deal with kids and an X who married the old skank that broke up your marriage?

I think that I've crossed that fine line between love and hate. I just don't want to end up one of those bitter old women who is living with cats. The funny thing is, I've already got the cats.

DNO

[bright_new_day]

There's sadness and anger, and I don't know how to not let this bother me. My kids have a new family every other weekend.

I struggle with this also, even though we are not divorced so H can't remarry yet. He has brough the kids around OW though, and has even brought her daughter along on some of his evening visits. it makes me nuts!

God, I think I need therapy.

I go, it helps!

I think that I've crossed that fine line between love and hate. I just don't want to end up one of those bitter old women who is living with cats. The funny thing is, I've already got the cats.

Well, at least you have a sense of humor about it. I kniow exactly how you feel, walking that line. How can you have loved someone and then be so hurt by them and not come out of it angry and bitter. I spend a lot of time with my therapist on that dilemna. I think we'll get there. It is hard to see that the person you invested so much time and effort into can "get over" you so quickly, like you never mattered, but what we have to realize is that they aren't really over the relationship either. They just stuck a bandaid (the OW) over their wounds and are pretending like the wound has healed. That isn't healthy, but that is their problem, not ours.