Well it happened all over again, like I am replaying my life from 3 yrs ago.
Had plans to go hang out at exW house last nite after D10 went to bed. Around 9:45 I called to see if she was a sleep and she wasn't, she said she would call if she feel asleep soon or we can do it tom. Well I go to bed and around t 10:30 the phone rings, its exW saying she is asleep if you want to come over.
We watch tv for a little bit and then I ask her to come cuddle with me. We are kissing for a little and then I get the speech.
"I just don't think dating you right now is a good idea" "I just don't have those feelings like I should and its not fair to you to put your life on hold. Maybe down the line this could work, I don't have a crystal ball but maybe 6 mo or a year or even 6 weeks" "I like the way my life is right now"
You are doing nothing wrong, its me. I like all the time we spend together as a family."
I tell her I was not expecting any commiments from her and she was putting too much pressure on herself, I know she wants to date. She tells me she can't do that, she needs to be loyal at least to me.
So we were suppossed to go out Sat nite and I ask if she wants still wants to go. She said yes as long as it is as friends.
Should I go?
I feel so worn dowm.....how do I move past this? Is this still part of the MLC?
I want to move on with my life but I feel I can't knowing there is a possibility that she may come back.
I am feeling so stupid for trusting her with my feelings, thinking she changed. Here I am again not sleeping, stressed and feeling like a chump and she goes through life like nothing changed.
"I just don't think dating you right now is a good idea" "I just don't have those feelings like I should and its not fair to you to put your life on hold. Maybe down the line this could work, I don't have a crystal ball but maybe 6 mo or a year or even 6 weeks" "I like the way my life is right now"
Well you have been at this a hell of a lot longer than me. But if this quote above doesn't scream MLC to you, I don't know what will.
Again, I see you are so very tired sweets. I can only imagine how draining this is for you.
But, again, YOu are the one in control.
She has feeling for you, she felt scared. She pulled away. Isn't that what they all do? pull away when they feel close?
Well if you want to , you can be upset about this. You can pray, punch a wall , whatever gets you thru.
THen you will be stronger yet again.
If by Saturday morning you still feel very upset, then tell her, something came up, Let's make it for another time.
I love the "crystal ball" talk, My H does the same thing.
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
I haven't posted to you before, and only know your very recent sitch. So I'm just sending support here.
Like Lissie, I've only been at this about 2 years, and know nothing first hand about the MLC behavior during reconcilation. But she just sounds like she's still confused, depressed, and wanting to have it all.
I was reminded of the pursuer-distancer dance reading your post. It seems to me you have a chance here to just back way off, without giving up at all. YOu are D, you can go on being nice to her periodically, without pressing for anything else at all. IMO, letting her take the lead totally is your only choice.
I'm not saying you have to take the "crumbs" she offers. If you like being with her as a family, do it. If it hurts you, don't.
I hope that made some sense. I was getting hopeful reading your thread, and still am, I know they take a long time to come out, and they go backwards and forwards a lot being it is all "over."
It seems to me you have a chance here to just back way off, without giving up at all. YOu are D, you can go on being nice to her periodically, without pressing for anything else at all. IMO, letting her take the lead totally is your only choice.
Not sure I get this. Are u saying to go a little dark and then pursue a little, like ask her out on date. Isn't she the one that has to be in the lead?
She does acknowledge feelings for me but not the kind she should be feeling.
Not the kind that she SHOULD be feeling?
ddc, you are going into that analysis paralysis thing now.
can you just try to refocus on you for the next 2 days.
I know this is not what you want to hear. I really don't know what to say, I mean you are D. And she still wants to date you, but she wants to take it very slow.
So back off of her for a while.
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
It seems to me you have a chance here to just back way off, without giving up at all. YOu are D, you can go on being nice to her periodically, without pressing for anything else at all. IMO, letting her take the lead totally is your only choice.
Not sure I get this. Are u saying to go a little dark and then pursue a little, like ask her out on date. Isn't she the one that has to be in the lead?
sorry, it is early and I wasn't clear!
No, I agree with you, let her take the lead. Be pleasant in your "normal" interactions with her, and just let her ask for what she wants from you, at least for quite awhile.
One caveat, if someone like AmyC, who has actually experienced this, says something different, listen to her! Hugs. AH
I'm really sorry to hear about this. I think it really is time to think of YOU and what's best for YOU. As Lis said, you are D. You've been out there meeting other women; is your XW still the best one for you? If so, then I'd say back off a bit, but still be around as a family sometimes. I think going out w/ her alone might be too painful.
If you don't think she's the best one, then maybe go back to minimal contact.
JMHO of course--I really don't know what I'm talking about, lol!
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
