Happy Together at Long Last!!!

[Jen_Jam]

OK, am starting a new thread, just for my records really, feel free to comment but it's not expected.

Synopsis and links:
1st bomb - Sept 2005 - ILYBINILWY, 2 month separation
2nd bomb - March 2006 - ILYBINILWY, can't stay married to you, my feelings have gone. Stayed in the house, sep bedrooms for about 3 months, no cuddles for a further 3 months.

Thread One
Thread Two

H finally recomitted in Oct/Nov 2006, but by Spet I was sinking into depression. Had C sessions to get through my low self esteem. All OK by Xmas.

The first few months of this year have been a continued upswing. I have made a few mistakes but I know how to put these right. My H and I now have the kind of R where we both realise that if something is wrong/not OK then we can work TOGETHER to find a solution we BOTH like. As H said the other night, "there usually is an answer, it's just a matter of finding it". Music to my ears.

What got me here? Patience, a commitment to stick with it even when times were tough, realising that it's not all about me, that there were many things H was going through (now pretty sure it was a mini MLC) that I really had no control over.

I've learned to depend on myself for my happiness, that I can't fix everything, and that it's very important to keep assuring H that if I'm in a mood it's not because of him, and if it is I will tell him. Clear communication wins for me.

I've learned that my way isnt' always the right way. That I should consider others, they might not always agree with me and if they don't it's not a personal insult.

I've learned that giving is important, and that what you give out will come back to you. So I try to always give out good things

Finally, my H is now a want in my life. I don't need him. I won't crumble without him. I want him in my life and this is more flattering for him than me needing him!!

So - just wanted to keep posting, I've had my fair few wobbly days and I still want the security blanket fo this site. I know my M is strong but the bomb hit me by surprise - I never want to be caught napping like that again!!!

Hope all are well and remember that by coming here you are making a stand that many, many others don't.

[Cissy]

I've learned that giving is important, and that what you give out will come back to you. So I try to always give out good things

I've seen so many people say this lately. I sure hope it is true. Sometimes I feel I give and give and get kicked in the but anywas.

You are very honest in your post. Some of what you said really hit home for me. I have not read all your posts yet, but will. It sounds like you are in a good place in your R.

cissy

[Jeff223]

You sound wonderful jenny. You are a success and I am so happy for you. Keep going.

[cat03]

all right! I'm glad you are here :), you are starting w/the right foot, give specially when there are bumps, (there will be many!) congrats

[Jen_Jam]

Just watched the Empre Strikes Back (for the umpteenth time, I'm a huge Star Wars fan)

One line struck out at me (said by Yoda about Luke Skywalker):

"All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was."

Made me think of baby steps, of small goals. For me, keeping my mind on the present and not on the future helped.

[SDFoundGirl]

You're my hero, Jen. Really. We have to meet someday!

SD

[Jen_Jam]

Hey SD - you're mine too!!!!
I would love to meet up, short of cash right now but planning a US trip next year. In the meantime, you can get me on [e-mail] if you fancy a few emails

[Confident_Me]

You're my hero, Jen. Really. We have to meet someday!

[Jen_Jam]

Just want to record this for me ...ala good though

I managed to get myself really fat a few years ago, I went to a slimming class and managed to lose 4 stone. BUT I did regiment my life a lot, refused invites out in case they impacted on my diet etc etc. H saw a woman very unhappy with herself that he could not fix. It helped contribute to our problems.

So - now I am getting fat again. I have issues with food in that I use it to destress/relax myself and I want to resolve that. I'm not sure how but I will. I've been afraid to diet again because of the above, last night I told this to H.

H listened!!! When I said I was afraid to diet in case it made our lives regimented again and brought the problems back he stated VERY clearly that the feelings of being "regimented" he had didn't all come from me, some were from him (showing me it wasn't all me who caused our problems). He asked as well if I could accept that the feelings he had of being too regimented are now gone. I said I would (and now I have to rmember that, practise a bit of thought stopping).

The upshot (and here comes the REALLY good part) is that he stated how he likes his life to be in terms diet and exercise, and I stated mine. TOGETHER we came up with a workable diet plan which includes takeaways/high fat meals like macaroni cheese but we only have these once a fortnight. We limit as well our alcohol and chocolates. But it's something we deided together and i am so happy, and I made sure I did plenty of cheerleading to H and thanked him for coming up with this.

I'm really pleased cos I was getting worried (silly really) that I couldn't lose weight and stay married.

That's all I wanted to say - no great rellevations here, but thanks for reading.

[limbo]

That great! You were able to communicate and resolve as a couple, and thats huge!
Good lines of communication is what we all need!