Wow! Sounding great NM. What a pleasant update, low stress and lots of fun. Good to hear from ya.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
The most stress these days is about the bear in the back yard. Argh. I'm thinking about loading a hunk of steak up with some sleeping pills and throwing him in the back of the pick up truck and dropping him off at OW's place. LOL
WOW, NM. You do sound great! I am so glad to read things are going well.
I love genealogy! I have spent entire vacations cooped up in musty old basements of different court houses searching through records and trudging through cemetaries.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I'm thinking about loading a hunk of steak up with some sleeping pills and throwing him in the back of the pick up truck and dropping him off at OW's place. LOL
That's one way to make sure the OW stays clear......I coulda used that bear about a year ago.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
After spending several weeks in close contact with SO, I've reached the end of ends. We'd been camping with the kids; he'd asked me & the kids to come stay at his house which we did...for several days at a time. He had been asking me "move back" and I had said no. I did need to go back though, as a sort of temperature check, before I did anything further.
He was in the hospital for about 10 days; he ended up having some kind of laser procedure done to remove scar tissue on his intestines - the doctors decided to do that first, rather than jump into surgery.
Well, back up a little to May. Supposedly OW went through his phone, found texts to both me and this other girl. SO's ex-fiance from 15 years ago, who ultimately ended up marrying one of his best friends after she found SO lying & cheating on her. So, when OW#1 found these messages, she attempted to kill both her & SO by driving her car off an interstate. Blah, blah, blah - long story short, OW broke it off with SO.
One of the times we were together I asked what happened with OW. He told me some of what happened; then played an answering machine message for me that was from his Ex-fiance - this message said "I L Y, SO, can't wait until we're together". That pretty much sums it up. Of course, this doesn't sit well with me.
Then, one of the days that I was there, SO calls me (right after he gets off air) and says he's been arrested. The police were waiting for him to come out of his work. Evidently OW#1 has re-inforced the restraining order and had him arrested for harrassing her from his hospital bed. (I've made a copy of the paerwork, just in case I need it in the future......)
So, he's got one woman calling him & telling him she loves him (who's still married, not even separated); another PO'd at him and has him arrested. On top of that, the laser surgery hasn't really made any difference in the excruciating pain he's in and he's taken off quite a few days from work, staying in bed for most of the time (while I was there the last time).
I told him I was done.
Told him I wanted nothing to do with him unless he's (1) wrapped it up with all the other women in his life (2) Started therapy with the psychiatrist I found that specializes in mood disorders and (3) Brought me a nice big rock (engagement ring, lol) Told him I wouldn't speak / email / text him and if he wanted to make arrangements to see the kids, he needed to send an email to his mother and have her forward it to me.
That's been a few days ago....he has emailed me, but I've not answered. He hasn't even bothered to call the kids.
I'm know there's more that I've not even bothered to write about...why bother? It all adds up to the same thing. He's in dire need of some serious help. And unless he gets his act together, he's going to lose everything. When he was in the hospital, I had an hour conversation with his boss (his "boss" is a very close personal friend of ours, we've known him for 8 years)...anyway, he said that with all the time SO's been taking off, there's going to come a time when the company just lets him go. So, his job is in jeopardy; his finances are a wreck (he had one of his vehicles repo'd, but paid and got it back last month)....his personal life is in shambles; his medical issues aren't resolved yet. But, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
So, with everything, I'm done. This has been a long time coming. And, surprisingly enough, I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. I feel more relief than anything else.
Congrats!!! I am so happy for you. You still sound like you are in a very good place and have finally taken that important step completely out of victimhood.
Now, just stick to your guns. And, he doesn't automatically get you back if he does (1) - (3) either. It just means that you might consider seeing him, depending where you are at that point in your live.
For now, move on. Don't wait.
Should he come around and you are open to an R with him at that point, I suggest you require personal contact that includes full disclosure with the OW and SO, complete transparency for as long as you want it, whenever you want it, a meeting with the psychiatrist to get a grip on SO's commitment to therapy and prognosis, a long engagement.
Finally, you will quit running your life so that you can fit into SO's crazy dances.
(((NM))). How are your girls doing. Have you found another place to live or still with SO's Mom. You sound like your head is in a good place. As always you are in my prayers and I think of you often.
Sara
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Thanks for responding. I am doing very good, I feel good about this decision. OT, it's gonna take all the things I asked for, plus the one's you said, and a whole hell of a lot more. And unfortunately, the person who resembles this guy I used to know, well, I don't think this facsimile will ever do anything but keep going downhill. You hear people here question it all the time - how do you know when it's time to let go, move on, etc, and there's no answer except that when the time comes, you know on the inside.
Sara, the kids are good. Thanks for asking. They're a little confused about us spending so much time with Daddy, but I really felt like it was something I had to do. Just to find out his sincerity. And now I know.
Oh - and yes, I'm still at his mother's. Rentals are incredibly scarce here. I'm a having a hard time, I just want my OWN place already. I may end up moving across the river (into the next state) because there are more rentals there. I hadn't wanted to do that, I wanted to remain in this state for court purposes, etc, but, I may have to. Or stay here even longer, which really doesn't appeal to me. So I have started looking over the border, lol, and while there are a bit more rentals over there, there's still not a whole lot. We'll see what happens.
I finally made a myspace page....for anyone interested in putting faces & names together, pix of my kids, too, email me at carol_lynne1169@hotmail.com and I'll send you the link.
"You hear people here question it all the time - how do you know when it's time to let go, move on, etc, and there's no answer except that when the time comes, you know on the inside."
Yep, when you are done, you know you are Done, even if you thought you were done before, lol.
No words of wisdom here, really, other than encouragement for doing so well. In the face of so much adversity, you still are standing strong, and I admire that.
Thanks for taking the time to update, its great to hear from ya!
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
