I figured with the maturity level of xh and his wife, they would do anything to get to me, then lie while saying it was me. They have used the fact that I am often alone with the children to their advantage, while supporting each other's lies. I have also hidden my support system from xh, for I knew instinctively, there would be a time when I would need them in full force, and now is the time.
Xh has no idea of whom my friend is, although I am sure the kids will tell him she is their FAC (home ec)/Geography teacher. They don't know of the connections she has in this county.... but God does, and the reason she with me now.
His face was priceless when he drove up.... he didn't even expect me to be smart enough to have a witness. He will now learn how powerless he is over me, as I slowly expand my own horizons. I have a pair of rats to trap in their own web of lies.... I know there is supposed to be mediation before May, and if we can't settle anything, another Hearing will be set for May. By the time May comes, I will have completed the puzzle, giving the court a complete and full view of what has transpired in the last three years and who the real culprits are.
I will use xh's wife's cases against her too, showing the court who they really are. I will spend my time wisely, using everything God has given me. There is a reason for me being chosen to be here now, and it maybe that am one of the only people who has the truth of what has been going on, and can see the real xh.
As I suspected, xh has been able to fool his counselors in CA, the CA court system and the management at his company with his charismatic charm, his innocent boyish looks and his deceit.... maybe something will leak back to one organization or another by the time I am through completing the picture. I know he told the court yesterday that his accident was a first offense. When the Judge finds out how much he has lied to him and the other court, he just might have something to say about it.... but who knows.
On a positive note, I've been able to talk to the kids. D said that xh's wife won't even look at either her or her brother. D is feeling her own self control, and has found her own comfort zone for where she sits now. S, as expected, has buried himself in watching TV, but stopped long enough to talk to me. They are going to the mall today, to go shopping for running shoes and Track spikes..... I told them to have fun, and make the BEST of the situation too. D giggled... her tone told me she was making plans.
So, I'm better, just knowing they are okay.
Thanks for everything, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
BTW, I caught xh's attorney talking to the attorney on the foreclosure cases.... I do believe xh thinks his finale stab will be to purchase the farms out from beneath me.... using both attorneys to his advantage.
I also caught xh's wife listening into my coversatin with the attorney, then quickly going over to xh and telling him of our conversation... I didn't have a chance to tell my attorney what happened, but I will tell him of both incidences that I saw.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Laughing, I can't emphasize enough to document everything, for the proof will be in black and white.
Oh, I'm sure your daughter is going to have a great time. She'll make sure the happy parents know where she stands, if not this weekend, but very soon. I have no doubt of that one.
You are going to be okay. Hopefully by summer, everything will have settled down and the issues somewhat resolved.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's all coming clear to me now, as if someone has opened a page for me to read and comprehend.
I see the Judge has to feel that everyone is either lying or telling the truth. He had/has no idea if my children have been able to spend time with xh and his wife, nor any time in CA. He made the best possible judgement he could. He made sure both chidren experienced time with them here and CA, so when they come back they will know if they want to spend any time in CA for the Summer. He probably also figures since xh asked for airfare and his legal fees paid by me, he is just out to get me, along with the fact this situation will not be resolved in mediation... so when we are back in court, he will ask to speak with the children, as he will receive first hand information from two children who know what they are talking about. At that time, he will make his further decision about the kids visitation. I feel certain of this, and at peace with this concept.
In the mean time, I will prepare for the same course of action. Understanding that there probably will not be any resolution in mediation, I will prepare for the up in coming Hearing, where I will have all the documentation I need that xh and his wife live in a fantasy, have lied their butts off, have used the system to further manipulate me, hurt me financially, and at that time, allow them to be fed their consequences from the court. I will also be on my toes from now on in, having a witness to everything I do, so xh will have nothing else to use against me.
This is my game plan. Although I may sound as though I am out for revenge, I am not. I am out to clear my name, but in doing so, I will end up exposing all of his lies. My desire, is to expose enough of xh's lies that his attorney finally drops him as a client.... then at that time, I will be able to live in peace, feeling he won't be back to haunt me. He and his floozing wife can live happily every after..... as far as I'm concerned.
He told the court that I am the one who is unpredictable, that I have not allowed him to have the children, that he feels unsafe when he comes out to the farm, because of me, and that is why he needs the children dropped off at the police station.
I am as predictable as the sunrise, even when my children are away, they know exactly what I am up to, and where I am. When he comes out to the farm, I stay in the house, as it is he, (and she) who are physically aggressive.
Since this morning, I've been given a plan on how to proceed. I found it in my heart once I began to relax after hearing from the kids. It began to formulate, one step at a time. Although I thought I had been asking for help and accepting support, I now understand I had not put myself out far enough to receive the full spectrum of both that has been offered to me. I see now, I must have faith, as I open up my life and my heart even more.
My life has been full of secrets, ones I've kept to myself. I need to learn to share more of my burdens in order to allow others to share the load, in order to let the rest of it go. This is how I will learn trust again, even trust for myself.
The documents are complete, I just need to pick them up, as I know just where they will be found.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I've been reading your posts and have made some observations. Before I say what I am sensing, I wanted to ask your permission to say what I feel is taking place. What I would like to share comes from LOVE.
I understand that you are feeling great FEAR. I'm not sure if you realize it though.
I will not say anymore unless you desire to hear a different perspective of the situation as I percieve it. My ultimate desire is to help you as a friend face your fears.
Please explain away, as I only have my perspective to view. Having other views will only give me a better point to see myself.
Although I agree, last evening I had great fear. I now feel a greater comfort in the place I am right now. I do have residual anger, but am calming down as the day passes. I am about to go for a walk to relieve my body of the stress I have found from the past two days. I'll be back, when I feel free of what has now, come to pass.
Please, feel welcomed to say what is on your mind, I am opened to hear what you have to say....
See you soon! (well, sorta)
Take care of you, God Bless you and Mrs. Paul too!
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I just wanted to give you a big hug, what with your never-ending legal hassles. I'm not gonna make any comments or suggestions, you've got better heads than mine helping you. Just wanted to send some more love and support while you continue to face tough times.
Hey, no more of that negative talk.... you are a great thinker! I do appreciate you love and support too. I'm doing okay right now, although I did get a call from D after their trek to the mall. As I was talking with her, asking her what she found and/or bought, and as I was asking what her brother found, I heard her father say, "Your Mother better watch herself, otherwise I'll take her back to court."
She told me she is ready to come home now.
I'm ready to have them back now too. She told me she'll be IMing later this evening.
Well, thanks again for your support.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Thanks for finding the courage to listen to what I have to say. My observation and what I am sensing comes from my intuitive nature. There may be some truth to it, and there may be some of it that does not hold true for you.
for me, there has been many times in the past when I was not aware of what was present to others. I could not see or feel consciously what others could see with great clarity. Maybe I was in denial. Maybe I didn't want to hear the truth. Maybe I just wasn't consciously awake to realize that there was emotions present that I could not feel or acknowledge.
You are in great emotional pain. The experiences you have been ging through continually bring that pain to the surface. This emotional pain existed before you met your XH. It actually existed since the begining of your life.
The emotions you have been feeling, are the same ones you have felt in the past. The experiences are different with different people involved, yet the emotions remain the same.
Anger is an emotion that is within all of us. I struggle to show or express anger. My wife has said to me repeatedly, "why don't you ever get angry?" I supress my anger. I bury it inside of me. I avoid conflict. I learned to believe that anger was a bad thing. I learned that being angry at someone will make them not like or love you.
My mother would say; "I'm mad at you" and then proceed to withdraw or withold her love for me. Her love was conditional. I fear anger as I don't want people to not love me. My belief has been that people can't be upset, mad or angry with me and still love me at the same time. To me, it was one of the other.
You've said that you have resideual anger. Where does this anger come from? I'm beginning to understand that anger is not a bad thing, it's simply a human emotion.
Being anger is a natural part of being human. What we do with our anger is what can create more pain. Pain that we don't intentionally want to experience.
My observation is that from your anger, you are doing certain things that are creating more of the pain that you wish to not experience. You are not conscious of what you are doing.
My observation is telling me that you are trying to use "external power" to get what you want. External power is about manipulation and control. Again, you can be doing things, just like me, and not be fully consciously aware of what you are doing. I do it all the time.
I repeat past behaviors and am not aware of that it is creating experiences that I really don't want to experience. Yet I continue to do that which causes me more pain.
I know, this sounds really insane. But there are times where I feel like I must be insane. Why? Because I keep doing what I have always done and am expecting different results. When Einstein created his defintion of insanity, I think he was looking at a photo of me.
How do I believe I know you? Because I can see myself in you. What I see in others and understand intimately is becuase I am looking in the mirror. You are reflecting back to me the person that I am.
As they say, when you point your finger at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself. How true that is.
I thought I would share some of what I am sensing and not leave you hanging before going to bed. I will continue to talk with you if you desire, as you know I have special feelings towards you. You are a very special peron, and I care about your healing.
My wife and her girlfriend have gone to the hot tub. I think I will join them.
