Patty, IMHO I have a feeling that has something to do with it.
I am a little slow at processing things today probably because I was out too late last night and have too little sleep.
What are your referring to here, bravagirl?
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
ditto on the lack of sleep. I was up until 2 reading a really trashy "detective" story. Little did I know it would be full of steamy encounters... I swear! )
I was referring back to your post yesterday where you wrote about your H perhaps not having dealt with his past.
Hope that makes more sense! (Sorry if I was criptic! )
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
It's funny... when H is around and I don't get to go online much, i miss you all!! Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. It means so much to me!
Things are going well, for the most part. But, I still think there is something wrong with him. I still think he doesn't feel whatever connection with me that he is looking for.
Dinner was nice. We got there early and had drinks in front of the fire. That was really nice. Then we moved to our table. Dinner was good. Conversation was light. Mostly about work, the kids, and other misc stuff. No R talk. Although, I did mention to him that it was nice when he stopped by with coffee the other day. Then he said that he was in the area to pick up his dry cleaning (hmmm.. and I thought he made a special trip to see us). Anyway, I'm trying to thank him for the little things that I'm noticing that he's doing.
The kids slept at my parents last night. When we came home, we watched TV in bed, then I fell asleep (too much wine). I'm trying to show him affection without going overboard. Meaning, at times during the night, I roll over and put my arms aroudn him. Then after a little while, I roll the other direction. Then he comes over my way sometimes, etc...
This morning, when he left, I kissed him and hugged him and said ILY. Then he left for San Diego until Friday night.
I still think he's struggling. Yes, things seem to be stabilizing, but we are by no means out of teh woods. I find myslef worrying about him on this business trip. OW won't be there, THANK GOD, but there will be young, attractive women there. And neither of us are wearing our wedding rings. And after what has happened this past year, I find myself worrying about what he does when he's away. I can't help it.
The good news (I HOPE), is that while he is out there, he will be interviewing for the in-house position. I have done a lot to prep him for it. I wrote up some taklign points for him (he has trouble interviewing and I'm good at it, so I usually help him with this type of stuff). I pray to GOD that he gets it. Not only will it mean no more working with OW, but it will also give him the structure he so desperately needs. Money will be less, but money isn't everything.
I am looking forward to some time alone. And I need to force myself not to think/worry about what he is doing there. I'm sure there will be lots of drinking going on. That's what worries me the most.
You sound really good. I'm glad you had a good time last night, it sounded nice.
You're right that you need to try to not worry about what your H is doing. It will drive you crazy.
It's nice to look forward to time alone. You can turn the focus back to yourself and having peace in your life.
I sincerely hope your H get the position he is interviewing for. Working away from the OW and structure would be wonderful!! And you are right money isn't everything.
And after what has happened this past year, I find myself worrying about what he does when he's away. I can't help it.
aid,
I think this is something we all will have to face if we are fortunate enough to reconcile with our spouses. I also think it is the issue that can make or break our ability to even do this. And it would not be our faults at all if we, in the end, cannot get the trust back. In fact I happen to know a few couples that struggled with this, and ultimately did not reconcile because of it. What is good for you is that at least your H is making an effort right now and you are getting the chance to see. That is something I feel I got cheated out of because my H has never tried. It must be a very empowering feeling for you to know that it's really up to YOU and you don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. What I mean is, you can say you tried to work this out...and it either will, or it won't. But you got a shot! I am pleased about that part for you. As for his trip, I think it is only natural that you are worried. I don't see how anything but time can help with that. Your H will have to face many situations such as this one, and only his actions over time will prove to you that he is committed to this marriage. You're giving him the chance to do that, and that is a huge gift to him. I pray he lives up to it. love, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
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