When you H bit you on the leg, what was he appealing too?
Well, I think that you and I would be on the same page answering this question but in recent years when I asked my H why he did that he said "I was just being playful, not sexual.".
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Tell you what, you stay on your side of the fence, and Ill stay on mine. LOL.
That's not very neighborly. Don't come knocking on my door hoping to borrow a cup of sugar with that attitude. JKLOL
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Id like to hear one HDW in here who wouldnt love for her H to pick her up throw her over his shoulder and stomp up to the bedroom with the intention of having his way with her, while she struggled and 'wrestled' against him. I would love to see GGB do that. or just blow thru her resistance by 'teasing' her up and down to having a real O or just pinning her down and 'making' her O. shrug. all in good time.
Yeah, and I'd love it if MsHD would stop her internal chant of "Yes means Yes and NO means NO whatever I wear and wherever I go." (or at least put it in context) and greet HD at the door some evening nekkid except for a pair of pink panties with "Naughty Butt Nice" printed on the *ss.
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That takes a lot of 'guts' for a man to do and then figure out if she really doesnt want it, or if she is just 'playing' or insecurely objecting. It takes even more for a guy who wants to be 'respectful' 'nice' and not push her 'boundaries' when she is saying 'dont do that'.
I totally agree with what you are saying here. What I would add from my HD female perspective is that it takes even more guts for a man to deal with a woman who is coming on strong than one who is being resistant. It's easier to chase the woman who is acting like she doesn't want to be caught across the field than it is to meet the woman halfway across the field who is walking towards you with full intent in her open eyes. It's easier to play the lion when the woman is playing the gazelle than when the woman is playing the lioness.
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I would imagine that the emotions of being a father and the wonder and appreciation would more then compensate for the temporary physical and visual changes.
Well, I wasn't accusing you of being a superficial *zz ( I think you are a wonderful Alpha Male Nice Boy )because of what you posted. I was just reflecting on my own experience.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
What I was trying to convey with my woman in the field scenario and the paragraph that you dissed was some sort of reasonable compromise between female and male mature sexuality. The reason I was trying to do this was because let's say the HD guys on this BB are successful at bringing out the HD in their women. What next? How in the h*ll are they going to handle HD women if they can't even handle LD women?
Let's say that I am a HD woman who is fully sexual and fully aware of my desire to be dominated sexually. There are two scenarios that will arise if I attempt to express my sexuality which in my experience the vast majority of men can't deal with. The first being a scenario in which I start out playing "top" and ask to be "flipped" the second being a scenario in which I am straight-forwardly signaling "bottom" without being coy.
In the first scenario I am walking towards the man across the field with a fully loaded tank of estrogen/testosterone mix. In other words, I am seriously horny and attracted to the man. I am signaling "I am going to f*ck your brains out.". A certain percentage of men will turn tail and run immediately and comfort themselves with mysogynistic thoughts. Most of the rest will fall to the ground in shock and awe that a woman actually wants to f*ck their brains out. Some will be more casual and signal back "Yeah, baby, f*ck my brains out.". I have yet to meet the man who would actually signal back "No, baby, I am going to f*ck YOUR brains out.". Now some would say that I am just wrongheaded to want to behave in this manner, not very "ladylike" sort of "maneater-esque". They may be absolutely right in many ways. However, there is one thing that I know is true. If I ever met the man who could "top" my "top" the sex would be so hot the earth beneath us would be scorched black.
In the second scenario in which I signal "bottom" without being coy the problem is that my signal of "bottom" is frequently heard as "low self-esteem". Men believe that the bunny that doesn't run is injured or sick and therefore not likely to be very tasty. Men don't get that sometimes the bunny doesn't run because the rabbit wants to be caught. The bunny likes the sensation of the sharp teeth on her soft belly.
Anyway the discussion of the problems that I've outlined above is sort of my recommended syllabus for Alpha Male 401. I am sorry for interrupting your 101 class Professor Blackfoot.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
First I understood what you where saying in your original post. Maybe I can even assist you with what you were trying to say because I do in fact agree with you. You extrapolate too well. Its pesky.
However when you bring it to me, like that, Im going to require that you bring your 'A' game.
like "In my experience whenever I've simply told a woman to do something she has done it. She might fuss a bit but eventually she does it.". Mayhaps you weren't referring to sex when you said this but if this is a universal truth about women why wouldn't it work for sex too?
Ok. your right. very good. Thats not specifically what I was talking about, but it is true. Now imagine a man who is hesitant, unsure, and not self assured to even tell his woman to bring him.... dinner, trying to comprehend and accomplish something so far out of his beliefs. Its like telling indians who use flint and granite, that matches arent magic. Besides that there are many many many lurkers here who --to put it bluntly --are thieves and scallywags and users. [BF presents the single finger salute to the aforementioned.] Your very open and have experienced it on some mild level I am absolutely certain so its part of your experience. You 'ken' it.
That being said, I dont do that anymore. I dont prey on the weak, I only trade what is freely offered, and inform them that its nothing else.
greet HD at the door some evening nekkid except for a pair of pink panties with "Naughty Butt Nice" printed on the *ss Id like that as much as you. With the exception of the LDW who are full of resentment, most of the 'LD'W would appreciate that same scenario I mentioned.
What I would add from my HD female perspective is that it takes even more guts for a man to deal with a woman who is coming on strong than one who is being resistant. I mentioned this same thing before when you(?) and LFL were talking about top and bottom. It WAS harder for me to deal with the women who were so ridiculously aggressive, assertive, direct and apparently top. It was just a test too. If I was more top and reasserted fearlessly no matter the extreme level, then everything was fine. If I hesitated for less then a second, and thats exact time -not metaphorical, then I was deemed unworthy. It required courage, because there is no 'pre practice' activity that can give you the confidance for it. A woman top is not the natural order. A man is turned off and without a referance point in that situation.
Lets say you are a soldier, it doesnt matter how much you practice, untill you set foot on the battlefield and charge forward when everything in your body and soul is telling you to run away, youll never discover that courage leads to confidance. Of course too much battlefield just leads to a burnt out indifferant NAFOD who has no caution or temperance, for the limits of his associates, and is a danger to everyone except himself.
It's easier to play the lion when the woman is playing the gazelle than when the woman is playing the lioness. I wish youd quit using it but we are totally on the same page when you keep using lions as your analogy referance. It was some in depth reflection on this that finally(i hope) had me accepting tending the fences... and then I saw the remark about the grass is not greener if there is no fence.... That was the assumption I was operating under before though... ew my head hurts.
It's easier to chase the woman who is acting like she doesn't want to be caught across the field than it is to meet the woman halfway across the field who is walking towards you with full intent in her open eyes. Lets bring this back to the original point of your post.
What would you like for that man who is walking across the field to do when he gets to you though? Ask, tell, or Know. Is his knowing going to be more or less satisfying for you coming from within him, or when he asks and you tell?
So your right. Her responding to the 'ask' will come from a healther place inside of her. I truly truly wish I had allowed for that to happen in my reconcil attempt.
I think your saying it though, because you just dont want a man who you can 'top' no matter how far you push it. So dont worry, you pass "Miss Godey's Charm School for Young Misses" testing her man 506 class magna cum laude. Nice try though.
A man still has to stretch himself outside of his comfort zone and find his edge, before he can relax into his true self. And then he has to stretch again. and again. Some dont want to go anywhere near the edge, and some are constantly dangling from it. Figure out which one your man is and figure out how to assist him to a middle ground. You picked him afterall. Take responsibility for your decision. Pregnancy counts as a Pick BTW. There was nothing in your vows about 'if I can mold him into exactly what I think he should be.'
I think you are a wonderful Alpha Male Nice Boy That is truly in the top five worst things I have ever been called. Im not an alpha male, I dont wish to be, I currently have no desire to take care of anyone, and if you think Im nice, you havent paid attention to my R with x. Since you are old enough to be my mom, Ill let you escape with the boy remark. Do you mind if I bring my laundry over? You can keep the sugar, but I would like some peach cobbler..ohh.. out of season.. how about some fudge brownies?
I was just reflecting on my own experience. If my woman is unavailable to me, you better believe I am selfish enough to take care of myself, and I would presume porn would be preferable to some OW. Im all ears to what a woman who is 'touched out' and 'needied out' from the kids, would prefer from her H. and abstinance is not an option. feel free to express your solutions bluntly.
Most of this was just tossed out there in general. I think your doing good mojo. Or your H is... lol.
Ouch. He doesn't seem so nice now does he Mojo? Maybe that was his point. Mean mean man.
Mojo, I thought your top/bottom descriptions were perfect. And I agree, HDW who approaches as a top and the man makes her the bottom. Yep. That's good stuff. Nothing hotter.
But alas, as BF states
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Some dont want to go anywhere near the edge, and some are constantly dangling from it. Figure out which one your man is and figure out how to assist him to a middle ground. You picked him afterall. Take responsibility for your decision.
That is what I am trying to do now and what I have been referring to when I mention acceptance. Most men are not the "I'll top her top" type. And even when they are (the man I dated while I was S was certainly one of them), they often lack other qualities (like holding a decent intellectual conversation) that negate (at least some) of their sexual skill. So the point being there is no perfect person in this world and certainly no perfect mate. You need to adjust to what the person is capable of bringing to the R/M or simply be miserable and wanting. But it is fun to discuss it.
I have yet to meet the man who would actually signal back "No, baby, I am going to f*ck YOUR brains out.". Now some would say that I am just wrongheaded to want to behave in this manner, not very "ladylike" sort of "maneater-esque". They may be absolutely right in many ways. However, there is one thing that I know is true. If I ever met the man who could "top" my "top" the sex would be so hot the earth beneath us would be scorched black.
Ahhhh, you put it so delicately. LMAO. hahahahah. hahahah. and thats the crux of the whole matter. YOU will never meet that man, because you will always push it to the next level to see if he can still be more top.
Maybe mother earth conceived of ways to prevent herself from being scorched black.
HAHAHA. oh jesus. Thank you for that laugh.
fearless. Anyway... If these are incoherent, babbling posts with no redeeming value, I apologize in advance. yes once again you have posted outside my meager comprehension range. all the addendums and caveats made it much clearer though. Im going to confer with Lilli for a translation.
(See, i still have my own work to do because I tend to put myself down as a pre-emptive strike.)
Stop that. Seriously. besides being unattractive, I can't put you down if you do it for me. Takes all the pleasure out of being brutally honest and critical. And dont worry I think your .
Anyway... If these are incoherent, babbling posts with no redeeming value, I apologize in advance. (See, i still have my own work to do because I tend to put myself down as a pre-emptive strike.)
Hey, Fearless!
I think you're used to other forums, such as Newcomers and Infidelity, where a lot of folks are at an exceedingly fragile place in their emotional lives. Lots of reassurance and a gentle touch is often the order of the day.
This is a different crowd. Be you without apology and let everybody else deal with it. It's good practice, if nothing else.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Id like to hear one HDW in here who wouldnt love for her H to pick her up throw her over his shoulder and stomp up to the bedroom with the intention of having his way with her, while she struggled and 'wrestled' against him. I would love to see GGB do that. or just blow thru her resistance by 'teasing' her up and down to having a real O or just pinning her down and 'making' her O. shrug. all in good time.
She'll either have to lose a bit more weight or I'm going to need to start hitting the gym more than the 2x a week I am now before I can put her over my shoulder...she outweighs me by about 45 lbs right now . Actually, that *IS* a big part of her LD, or at least it is what she says....basically she doens't see herself as desirable and can't understand what I see. BUT, I have had some limited success with figuratively throwing her over my shoulder and having my way (e.g. pushing her down on the bed and going for it). As far as pinning her down, yeah, I tried that. Got beaned pretty good upside the head and the silent treatment for about a week to show for it, and I thought she was just saying no to be coy. She says she gets a panicky feeling when she gets too close to a big 'O'. Still trying to work her up to that slowly. Baby steps.
As far as pinning her down, yeah, I tried that. Got beaned pretty good upside the head and the silent treatment for about a week to show for it, and I thought she was just saying no to be coy.
I spat my oatmeal when I read the "beaned in the head" part GGB. Sorry. It's not funny but it is a good place to reiterate the point about putting the cart before the horse. I just don't think the "throwdown" technique will work with LD people, men or women. It's not their "thing" and may never be. Again, you cannot change that no matter how much you try, only they can.
I remember one incident in my LD days where H once sexually wrestled me to the ground and I started to cry. I was such an idjit then.
I also find the ultra male top fantasy erotic, but I wouldn't want to live it. I think it would affect me psychologically after awhile. In a LTR, it asks to much of men, to deny the times they are feeling weak, sick, unsure, etc.
I find I am becoming more immune to my fantasy life. My quest is to make reality work. I have more compassion for the person my H is.
of their sexual skill. 
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