Hi my friends, I don't remenber the last time I posted here. Just want to say hello to my old friends. But when it comes to "piecing our marriage back together", there is no news. Still in a separate bedroom.
LAN, It looks like it's been several years since you last posted. Sleeping in separate bedrooms doesn't rule-out that you can be Piecing (IMO). Certainly, you must have some positives to report about your R. You're still under the same roof! Lack of progress in one or more areas, doesn't mean lack of progress in the R.
Maybe you can give us a review of your situation.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Well, here we go…I guess even though it is the same old story, it might be wise to get a new perspective outcome.
It began at least 15 years ago when my wife and I slept in separate bedrooms. Her reasons, the kids, the snore, the resentment, and etc…I don’t really know the real reason. Then, the affair (her, not me). Our sex life went down hill after my second child was born almost 17 years ago. She still said that she never like to have sex to begin with. But I recall from one of her letter written to the other man, she was rejuvenated and seemed to enjoy being touched and having sex (even though she admitted of feeling guilty about it.)
It has been 7 years since her affair and our sex life was a thing from the past. When I brought up the subject sex, she got angry and told me to give up on sex. She doesn’t want to be touched, kissed, and hugged, left alone having sex.
She refused to see counselor. She refused to get any help. She doesn’t know what exactly her problem is/was/has been. All she wants is to live peacefully together as a family and take care of our children. She is happy with the way it is without sex. If I want to have sex, it will not be with her. She said she is not part of the “norm” and I should accept whom she is when it comes to sex.
We have not hugged and kissed since then. It is sad, but life goes on. My only way out is to divorce her.
LAN, I find it hard to believe that she's happy without sex. She's become an asexual person? It certainly is not fair of her to expect that you live in an asexual M.
How is your R outside of the sexual arena? It sounds like it is platonic.
Do you plan to accept this situation, or propose an ultimatum at some point?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I think it might be helpful to make an appointment with a sex therapist (or MC who has a lot of experience in sexual issues). Even if she's against doing this, you don't have to tell her it's to "fix" the situation since she seems to think it's okay the way it is, just explain that you both need to go in order to understand what's going on.
Most people would probably agree that physical intimacy is an important part of a healthy marriage.
