Mbro Hope your meeting with your friend at the furniture store went well. I have to agree with Manisha and Friend though. It is way too soon to date. Wasn't it just last week you could not get out of bed because you thought your life had ended. I have been divorced for 3 years, yes I have had some dates, but it takes time to heal. You need to take time to find the new you. GAl is just what it says. Do things that you have put on the back burner in your marriage. Number one do things with your kid(s). By all means do things with friends of the opposite sex without any strings. Life after divorce is great, but you have to learn to accept the new person you are. Indulge in being you. Have you thought of joining a divorce group? It is great. Hope you bought some great furniture today. Take Care God Bless
I'm here to chime in with Almost Gone, Friend, and Pammie. I do not buy the "friendship" thing, you don't search for friends on DATING SITES. You look for DATES on DATING SITES.
I suspect I'm too late, but I'd skip the flowers. I love getting flowers, I'm a huge fan of flowers. But it would be awkward and impractical to be presented with flowers in a furniture store. Is she supposed to carry them around, while she looks at furniture? Oh, and nothing says "I just want to be friends" than giving flowers to a woman the first time you meet her.... NOT.
MBRO, you have the right to do as you wish. But it's a little bizarre to be hunting for women on a dating site so quickly after you were virtually suicidal over your STBX. I'm not sure much good can come from this for you, and I hope this woman has a good BS detector. It can be very painful for a person to fall for someone who qualifies as one of the walking wounded, too freshly divorced to be honestly available.
In fact, are you divorced yet? Or are you actually still married? I hope you at least have the decency to be honest with this woman, about your marital status, and the timing of things. Otherwise, flowers will not be sufficient to right that wrong.
Mbro: I have been crazy busy and no time to post. Going away tommorrow and won't be here for a couple of weeks. BUT - I read your first post and nearly fell off my chair. I see that some of those who have been around a while have given you some sound advice. Remembering your recent posts (a month ago) I doubt if you will listen. BUT...
You were so grief stricken over your wife yet you had been chatting online with a potential "love interest" (although you call her friend) prior to your wife's leaving. We tried to get you to pull yourself together so your wife might not leave but you did not and didn't want to give up your friend. Now, barely a month later you want to date?
Who are you kidding? Sorry to say - yourself! And I don't have time to argue with you - you can only save yourself. We have all been down that road but we have learned along the way and those here truly want to help you, but you have to help yourself and LISTEN to the advice you keep asking for - not just what you want to hear.
No one comes out of a marital breakup without deep hurts and it takes a long, long time to heal. You can't put a bandaid on it (new person) and expect it to go away. It might stop the bleeding for a bit but you have to go for the scar treatment yourself.
Get a counselor NOW. Excuses don't cut it. Lack of $ doesn't cut it. If you took the flower money and put it into a C you would get a much greater return on your investment.
As I said before - I won't be around to argue but I have been thinking of your recent post about dating and scratching my head. Man - I didn't date for at least a couple of years after the split and I was SO NOT READY even then. You need to take a hard look at things and fix YOURSELF first.
I know a lot of us are disagreeing with you at the moment... And that might feel a little like we are not on your side...
We really are on your side mbro. That is the reason we have taken the time to post to you. It has been awhile since I have seen so many oldtimers on a single thread. None of us have anything to gain by picking on you.
We have all been through what you are going through. Right or wrong, we are trying to protect you from yourself. We just don't want to see you get hurt or anyone else get hurt. It is certainly not our intention to judge you.
Many of us have shared our opinions with you - opinions founded on our personal experiences and the experiences of others that were on similar timelines with respect to surviving the big D. Make your own decisions. Do what you feel is right for you. This BB is a phenominal resource and is available to you to use as you choose to use it.
I am so glad that you seem to be feeling much better ! While I dont disagree with the opinions of the others..
I like your thread much better now than I did a few months ago when you were suicidal and one of the guys intervened ! We are all just concerned for you.. and do not want to see you hurt anymore ?
Yes, A.G. and A.T. are right. I would never take the time to post if I didn't hope it might help and if I didn't care. I can say that about so many people here.
I have "been there and done that" - you will see things different in retrospect. Please just consider what we are saying.
(BarbieDoll) No one comes out of a marital breakup without deep hurts and it takes a long, long time to heal. You can't put a bandaid on it (new person) and expect it to go away. It might stop the bleeding for a bit but you have to go for the scar treatment yourself.
The guy who owns my company had the woman he'd lived with for eleven years breakup with him for no reason he could discern. A month later he started dating the woman he's now been married to for nine years. They have an eighteen-month-old son and are incredibly compatible and happy.
(AlmostGone) Right or wrong, we are trying to protect you from yourself. We just don't want to see you get hurt or anyone else get hurt.
We're certainly a population of fixers, aren't we? And yes, I include myself in that. I've gotten to know several frequent posters off the board as well and I realize more and more that we really know very little about what's actually going on in people's real lives. Is it really our job to be protecting other posters from themselves? Should someone have come along and saved us from our pain? Could they have?
Everybody can use support, especially the people on this board, but is there a line somewhere between "support" and "telling somebody else what to do"? I know, I know, it's all just people's opinions. But if that's the case...are you really comfortable telling somone what to do based on just your opinion?
I'm not asking for mbro's sake; he can take care of himself. These seem like interesting questions to me, given the nature of this board. We all care a lot, I get that. It seems like caring turns into fixing a lot of times, though.
And apparently I'm taking it upon myself to fix the fixers. It's a pity my magic wand is in the shop getting a new transmission; this loaner just doesn't wave like it should.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Does anyone that expresses an opinion about how to heal from a D based on their experiences with respect to healing from a D in a surviving the D forum constitute a fixer?
Is expressing a contrary point of view fixing?
How would you characterize the expression of your thoughts in your post? I see your post as an expression of your opinion with reference to a selected set of facts in support of your opinion.
Quote: But if that's the case...are you really comfortable telling somone what to do based on just your opinion?
Actually yes I am - people pay me for my opinions. If I lacked the ability to formulate and express an opinion - I would lose all my clients. My clients are not bound to follow my recommendations based on my opinions.
However, I do not believe that I told mbro to do anything based on just my opinion. More specifically, I wrote:
Quote: You are your own person. Ultimately what you choose to do is your own decision. My posts to you are nothing more than another perspective for you to consider as a part of your decision making process.
If you wish to address me - please do so on my thread. I don't want to hijack mbro's thread.
