I would like some input in how to handle the following situation. Whether you agree with the feelings of myself or my children is not relevant - if you have a suggestion on how to deal with this -that would be appreciated.
I am still in California. Ashley called me. She was outraged, very upset. Her dad had taken her out for lunch rather than their usual evening visit yesterday. He did come to get Ryan at 5:30 as he does for an hour every other week. I have SOLE CUSTODY but have agreed to this one hour with him and Ryan alone in a public place (usually it is just driving in his car).
Ash was at the plaza near our home returning a video and saw her dad pull up to the Dollar Store with Ryan in the car (he had just picked him up). Maggot came out of the dollar store and got in!!! Ash said she just about puked.
My 2 younger kids are 25 and 18. They have chosen to NOT have anything to do with the woman who set out to destroy their family (their words). Once, 2 years ago, he took Ryan to his home without permission and they flipped out, he also kept him longer than allowed without speaking to me about it. At that time they told him off as Ryan cannot speak for himself and they wanted to speak on his behalf. He promised them he would never have Ryan around maggot. He then took him for 2 plus hours this past Dec while Ryan's nurse awaited (again, no asking me about it). NOW THIS...
I suggested that Ash phone Brandon to see how he felt. She said she might talk to her dad about it but not in person. This is what my lawyer suggested the last time.
I am considering only allowing supervised visitation. I am also outraged that he is using Ryan as a pawn, undoubtedly its all about the thrill of getting away with something - just as they did 6 years ago during their affair. I knew they were still acting weird and spying on us etc. I did not suspect this little game though.
I have not talked to Chuck in months. His response to ANYTHING is another round of anger and threats. But I won't have my kids used and abused.
Barb, Can you pursue this "legally?" I'd definitely go that avenue rather than have another nasty confrontation with X which you know will be unproductive. Also, did X see Ashley when she saw them?
THe only thing I fear of doing something legally is further repercussions. THere are some things that he could try such as registering complaints about my care of Ryan or his trust fund. There is absolutely nothing to complain about but this man would definitely try. And think of the expense and paperwork.
As Sole Custodial parent I should be able to call the shots. I don't want to withold Ryan but would request he be supervised or not see him and I think it would be fair to do so.
As for talking to my L - I could do that. Just don't like him much, but I'll do what is best.
Ash is pretty sure he didn't see her. I wish he did!
Justy dropped in and saw your post. I may have a little fun with these new icons!
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if you have a suggestion on how to deal with this -that would be appreciated.
I know you're because of this and so is Ash. But look at it this way: Ryan doesn't see his dad but for an hour every other week - and taking that into context - it equals less than 1% of his life. As long as he (Ryan) isn't bothered, it really makes no difference. I know you don't want him to be around Maggot, but if you can be the better person and ignore the ex's antics, why get the L's involved? As you said, it may open a can of worms.
I think Chuckie likes to tick you off - and he's usually pretty successful. Don't let him. If no real harm is done then this may be one of those times when you should look the other way.
That is just my 2 cents Barb and I'm not in your shoes for sure. If Chuckie sees that you're about it, then maybe he'll stop trying to push your buttons.
HT: This is one way to look at it. I'm almost inclined to do that and still might. It irks me to no end the things that he gets away with and nothing gets said. But my bigger concern is how the other kids feel about it. Ashley especially. I am going to wait and see if their anger dissipates or increases when they put their heads together.
I can imagine how angry this makes you feel, but not sure how much help the courts would be. I'm betting Ash and Brandon put enough pressure on their dad that you don't have to.
C may be doing this to piss you off or he may just figure that you won't find out about it.
Anyhow, probably better to sidestep any backlash by leaving it up to your kids. I'm betting they do a good job in letting C know how they feel!
Its been busy since I got back and I'm still tired. Ash was excited to see me and I didn't want to spoil the mood by bringing up the "problem". Normally Daddy Dearest calls her on Tues nights to see about going out on Wed. No call came but he might be avoiding the house phone and calling her on her cel. Or she called him. She didn't say.
But Brandon phoned tonight and talked about it. Said Ash had called him and was very upset. He thinks she should approach her dad about it first since she saw it and told her to be firm with him, not woosy as she usually is. (I know she is afraid of losing him). Brandon went on to say that he plans to talk to his dad about it tommorrow whether Ash does or not and that he won't pussy foot around. He is outraged that his father is being sneaky. And he is hurt. But he went on to say that he and Ash need to stick up for Ryan. They do NOT want him around her. SHe is bad news. They fear for Ryan. This fear is justified.
SO...
I am leaving it up to my kids. I can't think of any good that can come of my talking to him unless I want another round of heart tearing exercise, exasperation and general stress. If he doesn't assure the kids of his commitment to seeing Ryan alone, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
So...
There I was in California, just minding my own business, not agravating ex and he just can't stay out of trouble. Does it ever end?
I think if Chuckie starts with this, he may go even further. Ryan is helpless - as you said, you're his custodial parent. You don't have to pursue it legally (for now), but I would make it very clear to this dirty sneak and his dollar-store whore that YOU are the one responsible for Ryan and you had made it clear how visitation was to go.
It's great that Ash and Brandon can intervene, but I think this is too important for you not to get involved. Just be very business-like and let him know that this is not acceptable. Period.
Excuse me Barb if you please. Wow Lib long time no post, how are you doing have you got a thread ? I hope you and your family are all well and a very belated Happy New Year to you, give us an update on how things are with you.
Thanks Barb, glad you had a good trip, like a winterwonderland here today just so beautiful. Personally I would see how Brandon gets on with regards his Dad. We are all here for you when you need a vent. Don,t go lookin for trouble it finds you soon enough and besides you have Ryan 24/7 give or take the odd hour so he,s gto the best mum watchin over him.
Lib: You are absolutely right. Ryan is the most important person here and I don't give a Rat's A$$ about ex or his whore and their "feelings". I know they will try to pass it off as me being vindictive, crazy and over reactive. NOT THE CASE!!! The amount of work, love and care that goes into Ryan every day is not to be destroyed by one crazy woman. The truth is - this woman COULD benefit from Ryan's death. I know how wild it is to print this here but that is the truth. Hey - it feels right to print it here - now it has been said. Chuckie might trust "his soul mate", but no one else does. Wouldn't he be shocked to know what is really going on in her head. She had no care or concern for any of my children when he ripped their father out of their lives. She didn't give a fig about Ryan' losing his handicapped home or whether I'd have enough money for his care. When all the damage has been done and all the money has been spent, how will she get more???? And then the chips will fall. And so will Chuckie no doubt.
Hmmmm...
OK, I know I sound like a Drama Queen here but there is far more going on here than meets the eye at first glance. Ryan sits on a trust fund. And maggot knows the details....
Lib, I have been thinking about you SO much. And praying for you. And I offer you my forgiveness if I was too blunt in my posts to you several months back. I am SO very pleased that you have posted your wisdom to me. It really means a lot. I was with KML and Karen in California a few days ago and asking if they had heard from you. Like Naej - I am so happy that you have posted and hope things are going well in your life.
because of this and so is Ash. But look at it this way: Ryan doesn't see his dad but for an hour every other week - and taking that into context - it equals less than 1% of his life. As long as he (Ryan) isn't bothered, it really makes no difference. I know you don't want him to be around Maggot, but if you can be the better person and ignore the ex's antics, why get the L's involved? As you said, it may open a can of worms. 
about it, then maybe he'll stop trying to push your buttons.