Nothing has really changed. Last week W was very cold. Yesterday she was kind of normal again and invited me over for dinner. Mostly I guess b/c she wanted her mail and me to pick up some stuff. A couple of times she mentioned things I could have gotten upset about but I just dropped it. Not sure if she wanted to see how I react. She acted happy but mentioned a few times that it is 'quiet'.
Later she pulled one of her things again, changed into a nightgown and for a bit not wearing anything right in front of me. Acting very naughty. You might remember she did this stuff before.
Might have been just a check to see if I'm still 'there'.
I'm getting to a point where I don't know what I want, perhaps she can sense this. She seems to be fine, but then I can't look inside. I'm sure about Om2 and I don't see this changing anytime soon. I know it won't last though.
Tomorrow I will go to Germany for a week. Need to get more distance to W. Been out lately a lot w/friends. Met this women again I wrote about a couple of weeks ago.
I'm still sad a lot but getting better. But I'm loosing hope that W will ever come out of this. Somebody please send some patience!
Hey friend, sending you loads of patience and my prayers, hope your W regains her senses soon, hope you get to have a good break in Germany and clear your mind for a bit.
There is always hope, hang in there my friends, all that fantasy-craziness has its end.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Hi EM - I am glad you are doing better and I hope you are able to enjoy yourself in Germany. Is this a business trip for you? If so, I hope you get in a lot of tourist time. I was fascinated by Germany and I know you will be too.
As far as patience goes, that is a virtue you have in spades. You are one of the most patient folks I have ever come across. I don't mean to gush but I am in awe of your ability to maintain your equilibrium as your W goes through her bizarre MLC behavior. Continue behaving with dignity and class, and above all enjoy your trip.
John, No business trip, Germany is my home country.
I have an interesting story for all of you here in the MLC forum.
Almost exactly 10 years ago, my then GF I was with for at least 7 years became a WAW. She was 33 at the time, diagnosed w/type I diabetes 2 years earlier and I helped her through this difficult time. She said she wanted to have fun, do exciting things in life, and it had nothing to do with me. Two weeks later I found out about Om she met on internet (So this year I actually had history repeating itself). She moved in w/him, gave up a decent job, same old story. With the knowledge I have now I think it was an early case of MLC triggered by her illness.
Anyway, I kept in contact w/her family and visited during my trip. She was there too. I talked w/her for a long time. She lives again at home w/her parents, single, bitter about life. Om didn't work out, what a surprise. Then she told me that after about 3-5 years she realized what she had destroyed. She didn't say 3-5 years after what, but I can think of only one event, her walking.
I'm the one who got a good job in a different country and had the exciting life. And I felt nothing but sorry for her. I would not want to be w/her. But she did come out of it.
And I have the strange feeling that history will repeat itself again, and my current WAW will end up at a similar place. Only now w/our D5 hurt as well.
And here I thought I was the only one who had been lucky enough to get to deal with MLC with two different Women.............. ExW - still lost in la la land, W - who has returned from the land of the lost and we are living a good life now.
ExW had an MLC PA, that was a deal breaker for me - she had her b/f in the house with our 3 D's when I was at work. I gave exW her choice - move out now or get her stuff out of the front yard after I had run the sprinklers in the morning.........all she wanted in the D was her inheritance (her wonderful savior was going to start school out of state to be a motorcycle mechanic - his greatness was currently unemployed) - she gave me full custody of all 3 D’s (D21 – was 16 at the time – is not even my bio D).
From this thread – you’ve been getting good advice. Ask your L about you taking custody of D5 more because of different men spending the night at W’s place & if W can move out of the area if she wants to – or what you would have to do to stop that (it isn’t a given that a spouse or former spouse can just move at a whim and take the children with them). You may be better off with a legal separation NOW, to spell out issues and protect yourself.
I will tell you what others told you (regardless of what you did) at the start of this thread “stop worrying about what your MLC W thinks” because right now – it’s not that you are worth anything and that she “hopes” to come back someday, she’s in MLC and doing her best to destroy everything. You cannot truly pisss off someone who thinks you are lower then dirt. Will she bait you along? Yes. Is it in hopes of reconciling? No. Go back and read MLC for Dummies, she will string you along until she thinks she has found what she wants and you are no longer of use to her (no she wont remember most of this part when/if she wakes up).
No one knows if your W will wake up and come back – some do, some don’t. YOU need to live your life and do what is best for you and D5 – let W swing in the wind and give her as little head space as you can. Yes – go dim (you can’t really go dark because of D5), minimal contact – no dinners, no “family” things.
I know this sucks – but a big part of detachment (IMHO) is accept your reality and live as though it will not change. You are married, but living alone, Christmas will be you and D5 – no W because she choose that. Too many try to deal with their MLC’er by living as if they will be back – IMHO, big mistake – live as if it’s over (if you are married – no I don’t think you are free, more like married to someone in a comma) and this is YOUR new life.
My 3 years in Germany in the early 80's was wonderful - I hope to return there for a visit some day.
This has been a turning point to a better M. In 25 years will either of us will remember much about this time? Because in 50 years neither of us will remember much of anything.
Quote: I know this sucks – but a big part of detachment (IMHO) is accept your reality and live as though it will not change. You are married, but living alone, Christmas will be you and D5 – no W because she choose that. Too many try to deal with their MLC’er by living as if they will be back – IMHO, big mistake – live as if it’s over (if you are married – no I don’t think you are free, more like married to someone in a comma) and this is YOUR new life.
The really odd thin gis that when you DO get to this point, and you really are living for yourself, that's often what it takes for the WAS to start to come out of the fog - the prospect of really losing you forever. The 'fixed you'.
Thanks a lot for following. I feel like I'm starting to get it, the detachment part. During the last few weeks nothing changed in my sitch so I didn't feel like posting.
Lately I don't really care anymore what WAW does, as long as it is no BS regarding our D5. Unfortunately WAW is working on this now since she doesn't have anything else to throw at me. I try to have as little contact as possible and it does help me a lot.
WAW is living her 'happy' life and I feel this is not going to change anymore. I do live MY life now as if it is over.
Frank, you might be right. It is possible she is feeling it. Yesterday I received an email from her regarding our holiday schedule for D5. The last part was:
Anyway, I miss knowing you a little bit. I know that's strange, but we've known each other for ten years and I guess not seeing you for weeks at a time is a bit of a jolt. I'm sure this feeling is normal and will eventually go away...
Hello EM - I hope you had a successful and fulfilling trip to Germany. The tone of your recent post seems accepting and more upbeat although your sense of loss does come through. It is the same for me as well. Things are not great but they could be a lot worse and I find myself not only getting by, but having moments of contentment and happiness amidst the sadness that still nags. It's not an easy road but we appear to be making progress. The healing process is indeed underway.
~PH