So far, your contributions have been fairly content free beyond the sniping at whomever posts in a way you find unacceptable. You know, we're not a bad bunch of folks around here.
Do you think you might could take the time and thought to post to someone, anyone, with something more than posting corrections? Your past posting history wasn't like this, so why the change?
You can choose to actually interact with the forum in regards to the issues that many are facing as opposed to acting like some forum granny whose bun is pulled too tight and is having constriction issues with her orthopaedic hose.
I can warn you that if you continue in this vein, that you will never get my vote for prom king.
Lighten up. Don't you think if CeMar had an issue with some of the things we say here to him, that he could speak up and defend himself?
Your own words lead me to assume you have NEVER said anything out of frustration to someone else....well bully for you, you must be superhuman and have abilities many of us don't.
Burgbud...you are sounding preachy by dissecting people's comments etc, do you intend to do that...or is it jut how you are coming off on here? Honestly, merely curious. CeMar is a grown man, making choices NOT to respond to people on here (which often is VERY RUDE) even when a response is given to one of HIS own question. Take a look back on his posts. He tends to answer only those posts that agree with his POV. If we disagree (which is often) we (the posters at large) are ignored and he posts the same question in a different manner later, or in another section of the forum.
Sure, we have a choice to respond or not (we all have that) but there are behaviors that even on this BB are just flat-out rude, inconsiderate, irritating. Do you tolerate rude, inconsiderate, irritating behavior IRL too without at some point coming down a bit harsh...sometimes?
Let CeMar defend himself to the posters, if he will...wants to....or feels the need to. If he doesn't respond to the post, then why would you feel compelled to?
(MrsNOP) Do you think you might could take the time and thought to post to someone, anyone, with something more than posting corrections? Your past posting history wasn't like this, so why the change?
(GEL) Burgbud...you are sounding preachy by dissecting people's comments etc, do you intend to do that...or is it jut how you are coming off on here? Honestly, merely curious. ... Do you tolerate rude, inconsiderate, irritating behavior IRL too without at some point coming down a bit harsh...sometimes?
Let CeMar defend himself to the posters, if he will...wants to....or feels the need to. If he doesn't respond to the post, then why would you feel compelled to?
Seriously, do you guys want me to answer these questions or do you just want me to be quiet?
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
In the midst of people attacking and defending your honor, I came across something you might find interesting.
A fascinating book that touches on the relationship dynamics is The Passion Paradox by Dean C. Delis, Ph. D. He talks about what happens when one person is more “emotionally invested” than the other person. This book talks about the dynamics of wanting and getting—the more someone wants from their partner, the less the partner feels like giving.
If LD people want to be desired, then why do they believe it is ok for THEM to not desire. I have suspected that most (not all) LD's actually LIKE the feeling of being desired, and yet they do NOT give this feeling back (and they usually know it). Now people on these boards more or less tell us HD folks to stop requiring the desire part, and yet don't MOST people want DESIRE, even the LD people? We are chastisied for wanting desire, but is it not human nature for virtually ALL people to want to be sexually desirous to someone else?
Do I desire meaningful sex? 24/7. My desire for my wife is FAR below where it should be, but in reality I should have NO desire for my wife. I get mad at myself after the few sexual encounters we do have because I should NOT desire her, and yet the stupid sex drive draws me towards the only person I can have sex with. When your sex drive is very high and your only love langauge is physical touch, there are no other real options and still keep your marital vows.
Something that LD people also don't seem to understand is that sex is not always supposed to have deep meaning. Sex can also be used to meet the need "Recreational Companionship". Sometimes sex is to have all kinds of emtion tied to it, but at other times, you do it because it is FUN!!!! It is a way to PLAY together. You don't have to associtate it with all kinds of meaning! When you are horny, you have a completely different personality, you have a FUN personality.
I have often thought about this. You know one of the real problems with the LD/HD dynamic is that the LD makes absolutely no sense to me (and I am a very logical thinker). The problem is that there is no logic in the way LD people behave.
Quote: the dynamics of wanting and getting—the more someone wants from their partner, the less the partner feels like giving.
No if I understand this, then the way to get more in a relationship is to want less. So if I make it clear that I do NOT want my wife, then she will give me more quality sex than I can handle. Do women literally want men that don't want them? My head is starting to hurt.
Quote: If LD people want to be desired, then why do they believe it is ok for THEM to not desire. I have suspected that most (not all) LD's actually LIKE the feeling of being desired, and yet they do NOT give this feeling back (and they usually know it). Now people on these boards more or less tell us HD folks to stop requiring the desire part, and yet don't MOST people want DESIRE, even the LD people? We are chastisied for wanting desire, but is it not human nature for virtually ALL people to want to be sexually desirous to someone else?
CeMar, I have put this in a slightly different way on this board in the recent past:
I say, "I think my wife wants to be considered sexy-Y, and even sexy by ME. She just doesn't want to have to have any ACTUAL SEX with me."
I do see, in a LOT of relationships, including the ones described right here on this message board, this weird paradox whereby the LD/ND'ers want to be desired; they just don't want to have to do anything in return. It's a "But don't you think I'm sexy anymore?" , coupled with a "But why do you ALWAYS want sex , pervert husband-o'-mine?!"
I'm generalizing, but I do see that dynamic is at play in a lot of our libido-challenged relationships.
Quote: No if I understand this, then the way to get more in a relationship is to want less. So if I make it clear that I do NOT want my wife, then she will give me more quality sex than I can handle. Do women literally want men that don't want them? My head is starting to hurt.
CeMar, let me take a crack at this one.
I think women want men to want them. I also think that women don't find "wanting behavior" very attractive.
I think women want to be pursued. I even think that women want to know that their man wants to pursue them, all of the time. I just think that women don't want to actually BE pursued all of the time, at least not in a way that's "needy" or "grabby".
I think that LD women want to be considered sexy-Y; but I also think that they don't want to have to have actual SEX with their HD partners very often at all -- just enough to keep the relationship reasonably healthy, and enough so that they feel they are being a "good wife".
Women are full of paradoxes, CeMar, and I don't profess to understand it any more than you do. I could add "Women want to be with 'nice guys', but then they are admittedly attracted to the 'bad boys'" to the discussion, but that's a WHOOOOOOLLLE other topic for another day. I just try to laugh about a lot of it (if I didnt' laugh, I'd cry) and say things like "This is just proof that God has a sense of humor", that He made us SO different, but then expects us to be together.
