H wont have sex with me

[DFE]

Yes we are together now working on it. We stopped going to MC because although it helped at first it got to a point where we were just sitting around chit chatting with the MC. Frankly we dont have that kind of money. Since I posted last my H and I have had sex. I sent him an email telling him exactly how I felt about everything. A few days later he initiated sex with me. Although I was happy to be intimate with him I was upset that he was not able to ejaculate. I dont know if it is because he is still not totally into it with me or if he is so used to MB'ing that intercourse is a difficult way for him to ejaculate.

He has become so loving and keeps telling me how much he loves me. I am glad that things seem to be getting better but I cant help but feeling that him not being able to ejaculate is a bad sign. I just dont want to be forcing him into having sex with me.

[DFE]

Believe me I have thought about him being gay numerous times but he doesnt seem to have a problem being turned on by other women. Lately he is turned on by me too but not how it used to be. I think it is a lot of trust issues. Although I have never ever done anything to make him mistrust me he feels that throughout our relationship I have been very controlling with our lives and money. I cant help but to think this might be a way for him to take control of some aspect of our lives.

[Lillieperl]

I cant help but feeling that him not being able to ejaculate is a bad sign

I wouldn't read a lot into this. Sometimes we have no control over the body's responses. It's much more significant that he says he loves you and that he initiated.

I had a bf once who had a hard time coming unless he got a LOT of friction... so regular intercourse and oral sex didn't always produce an ejaculation... the smooth surfaces didn't produce rough enough friction. Yeah, that was probably from too much MB in his teens and later. I was in my 20's and too naive to read anything into it. It didn't bother me in the least... Alas, now that we're older, we sometimes imagine too much for our own good.

[OG_Lou]

Re: DFE I dont know if it is because he is still not totally into it with me or if he is so used to MB'ing that intercourse is a difficult way for him to ejaculate
So try giving him a hand job and ask him how "HE" does it.

[MrWhy]

Although I have never ever done anything to make him mistrust me he feels that throughout our relationship I have been very controlling with our lives and money.

This is exactly the same viewpoint I see in my W. Her very nature is to direct (and minimize) the chaos, while I would much prefer to watch and redirect the occasional step that wanders too far afield.
From random/scattered comments she is just trying to maintain some order in her life, while I stand back and wonder how long it will be until she again thinks to ask my opinion before announcing our next objective/task to the world. The ideal is probably somewhere between the two extremes, but that means I would have to take over and dominate her somehow, or she has to relinquish control (at least partially) of the children/surroundings/house. Both solutions are directly opposite the way we were raised.

On the other hand, dumping control of money into her lap has greatly reduced her spending sprees.

[netbrsr]

I may have a little insite in this matter.
Wife and I have had sex 6 times in 5 years.
I filed for divorce, we are now working on things and things are shaky at best.
Anyway, It was easier for me to hit a porn site than it was to go upstairs and deal with her. There were several things that had not gone right in our marriage, and I blamed her for alot of them, not because they happened because she had taken a hands off approach and i felt i was fighting the world on my own. We had a baby, she lost her job, we were forced to sell our house, moved out of state, she sat on unemployment while I busted my a**, raise the kids while she watched t.v., the list goes on and on. To get to the part your interested in.
We called off a divorce and agreed to work on things.
We had sex the night we called it off and nearly every day after for about a week. I didn't ejackulate most of the time, we would have sex until i got tired and that was that.
My problem is if i dont think she is enjoying it then i don't enjoy it. One of the biggest things in my situataion is that I want my wife to want me, if she is just doing it to placate me then I would rather do it myself.

So my question to you is are you both enjoying it?
It may take some time to get back on track so i would give it some time and don't take it personally.

Hope this helps

[MrsNOP]

I think it is a lot of trust issues. Although I have never ever done anything to make him mistrust me he feels that throughout our relationship I have been very controlling with our lives and money. I cant help but to think this might be a way for him to take control of some aspect of our lives.

Do you think there is any basis for his feelings regarding control?

MrsNOP -

[CeMar]

netbrsr:

Good point, what is the point of sex if one party is does not want it. LD people have sex, HD people make love. Making love is worth it, sex is not. LD people complain that it is "Just Sex", when in reality their LD is what makes it "Just Sex". Who wants "Just Sex"?

[Greeneyedlass]

CeMar,

You are once again generalizing LD/HD people. I've known at least one HD (3 three actually) person throughout my own experiences who when they had sex...weren't making love. I also know that when I was LD myself years ago...I did make love to my H.

Would you PLEASE stop compartmentalizing people? It's just not that simple. Is life really so black and white to you?

GEL

[DFE]

Sorry it took so long to get back. You had asked if I thought there was any basis to him saying I was controlling. I dont think I was controlling I was just responsible for a lot of stuff. It seemed he wanted it that way. It was less stress for him. I would take care of our finances and he didnt have to worry about anything. He never said it bothered him.

Anyhow we have not made love since that one time several weeks back. I dont even know how to initiate anything out of fear of rejection. Is it really better masturbating than having to be with me? I just dont understand.