I too had a lump in my throat reading your post. How can you move on if he is around "fixing up" the house. It sounds way to complicated. Plus, wouldn't giving him time alone to come all the way out of this, if he ever does, wouldn't that be best for him?
NLF
You must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind. ---Leonardo da Vinci
Please let us know how it goes.. It cannot be easy for you.. with all the emotional blackmail around. Remember.. do nothing in haste.. This took such a long time to come to today... Give yourself time and space to work out what is best for you..
It is not out of pity... but out of love and caring, sharing and honesty that good relationships are built.. So any move for you must be the considered decision ;taken in time and in the space to make a clear choice. we are here for you whatever happens..
Please let us know how it goes.. It cannot be easy for you.. with all the emotional blackmail around. Remember.. do nothing in haste.. This took such a long time to come to today... Give yourself time and space to work out what is best for you..
It is not out of pity... but out of love and caring, sharing and honesty that good relationships are built.. So any move for you must be the considered decision ;taken in time and in the space to make a clear choice. we are here for you whatever happens..
Let us help and support you!
Love n hugs Calder xx
That made me cry Thankyou, Calder, Jay, DB, Karen, Patti, oh Im just going to say "THANKYOU ALL DBers, YOU ARE THE BEST!!!" incase Im here all night naming everyone, you are all very important to me.
Sooooo much rubbish going on here, I wouldnt know where to start, so I,ll leave most of it out for now. Chipdick tried to control me, with the house situation, one minute accepting an offer to buy him out, the next minute changing his mind, it became very draining. But I can see through it, he,s lost control and is frantically trying to find something, anything, to regain some sort of power over me. I stayed pretty calm considering its not un-known for me to chase him with a handsaw, , but eventually I got fed up, and decided to view a house in Wales.
Chipdick went into panic-mode then. I was moving away, god forbid, he couldnt allow that!! First came the tears. I wasnt cruel, I even hugged him, but he just saw that as a red light and tried snogging me, then came the pleading and promises, then he began stalking me
He followed me on a night out, called my phone constantly and I had to switch it off, started sleeping at the new house every night and standing in the dark watching my house, if I even got up to use the loo in the night and put the light on, he would be there, knocking on the door, it got so bad I was putting all the lights out all the time and sneaking around my own home
So now we,re into the Rage stage. Not with me, but with everyone and anyone else. Im sure my turn will come
I do feel very very sorry for him. His life is a total mess, and I cant help him. Or I can, by having him home, but that wouldnt be the answer. Besides, I dont feel that way about him at all, and never will again. Im "almost" happy on my own, I wont be really happy untill all this house stuff is sorted out and Im settled somewhere, hopefully away from here, but I do know I CAN be happy, and thats something I thought Id never be. Im expecting a few problems tonight, its our Anniversary today and I dont think he,s going to handle it very well, but as for me, Im fine, I even forgot untill he sent me an e.mail this morning
I have a bit of a confession to make I did something "not nice" a few weeks ago. My friend and me were back here after a nightout, we were a bit ..ahem..merry and were looking at internet sites, Ugly.com or something it was called, we were just generally behaving like kids and laughing at some of the photos, and a pop-up popped-up, as they do. It was Get Revenge on a cheating spouse so we clicked on it for a laugh.
Basically it was a site where you order a text message or a postcard or package to be sent to an ex. There was one package which was a box (empty inside) but on the outside it said, in HUGE letters "KING DONG-PENIS ENLARGER". Whoever the recipient is has to sign for it when its delivered. Imagine the shame, because the postman cant help but see it!! So we ordered it, and sent it to Chipdick
That was weeks ago and I forgot all about it. It was delivered yesterday. BUT, you remember that a certain postman thats been delivering for years around here always puts chipdicks post in Mums?? (the newer ones just put it in next door even though it looks empty) Well, unfortunately, yesterday it was the older postie, and he knocked on Mums house, my Step-dad answered and the postie said "parcel to be signed for". My stepdad cant see very well and is 80, and he signed for it. As the postie was going, he said to my step dad " Hope it works mate" and smiled at him.
He saw the funny side, but now Royal Mail probably think my stepdad is a bit of a perv
I had a bit of explaining to do!! Anyway, I re-sent it, and watched out incase it was the same postie this morning, but it wasnt and I saw him knock on chipdicks, and saw him sign for it all smiley, before he saw what was on it, then his face dropped and he quickly went it!! I wish I couldve been inside to see his reaction, and I cant ask him about it cos then he,ll know it was me, but he is in a FOUL mood today, what an Anniversary presant
Hopefully he,ll think it was Spook
Jay, H is fine, doing really well, touch wood. I,ll e.mail you, and you too Calder, I PROMISE, I keep forgetting untill Im in bed and then I think "Oh, I didnt do that!!" I,ll be in touch very soon. Dont anyone go anywhere, I might be needing someone to cry to, or vent to, within the next few days, theres a storm a brewing
Love to you all. Mea. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My ex-Husband bought me a mood ring so he could monitor my moods. When Im in a good mood it turns green. When Im in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time the B****** will buy me a diamond.
Well, you never fail to amuse and entertain! I have ben following your thread, but haven't posted 'cause I am sort of out of things to say.
All this drama is so predictable, isn't it? I am in the usual drama here too, but knowing how our Hs operate and feeling better about ourselves makes such a difference, doesn't it?
Whereabouts in Wales are you thinking of moving to? Hmmm?
Keep a good head about you Mea.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Wow cd never stops. The stalking is so unbelievable. It really is insane and kind of scary. It might be best for you to move and put a lot of distance between you and him.
Ive had to change all my plans again. My Dad had a heart attack, he,s home and recovering now, but it made me realise it would be selfish of me to move away from here at the moment and leave Mum, much as I need a fresh start. At least this way Im only across the street from her if they need me. He is doing well though.
Im not feeling too bad about losing my house now, Ive totally accepted it, and although I was gutted about it being sold, Ive realised that its only bricks and mortar and there are more important things. The sale has gone through, its just a matter of paperwork now, and I know I,ll be sad when I finally see other people moving into it, but thats life, I,ll get over it. So, although Ive said many times how I hate it here, Im going to just make the best of it, get this house into shape using the money from the sale, and put in a new kitchen and bathroom, etc etc.
It might seem crazy to spend a lot of money on a rented property, but I have a tenancy for life here, so its secure, and at least when things go wrong with the boiler or the heating etc, the landlord will have to pay to put it right.
If I,d used the money from the Divorce settlement to buy a place, it wouldve taken all the money I had, plus I would have to take out a mortgage, I wouldve been struggling financially for the next 20 years. And for what? To say "I own a house"? It wouldve possibly been a huge burden on my shoulders, I may not have been able to keep up with payments and couldve lost the house anyway, so I think, security wise, its best to stay here and use my money to adapt this place. At least Chipdick wont be living across the street, so it will only get better.
I have 2 gardeners in at the moment, they are sorting out my garden and its looking really nice, but its a big project and theyve already been here 3 weeks, and are only half way through it, so the house is a real mess at the moment. One of them asked me out and much as I like him, I just couldnt do it. Im not interested in anyone in that way, and the way I feel at the moment, I dont think I ever will be, I actually like being on my own, and I realised the other day how happy I feel at the moment
I rarely go out, but Im happy staying in and doing my own thing every evening, Im so busy in the daytime that all I want to do is just relax at night. I did go to a Halloween Fancy Dress the other evening, and had a laugh, but I was glad to get home, am I turning into a recluse?
I was dressed as Morticia Addams, and had a long black wig on, when I leaned forward a little too much to catch what someone was saying to me over the loud music, the wig touched a candle on the table and sizzled into a big melted blob on one side Kind of ruined the look but I had a good time.
The next morning I had a huge hangover, and had to drive to collect 2 dogs 25 miles apart, then drive them both to the Rescue pound. Things were ok when I picked up the first dog, but when I collected the 2nd, it all went a bit wrong. The hand-over driver told me the dog was fine with other dogs, so stupid me (not thinking straight due to hangover-head) put the dog into the back of the car, in the crate, with the other dog. 4 minutes into the journey they had a fight as I was driving, I had to screech to the side of the road, jump out and stop them, by this time one was bleeding from a mouth wound and the other had a torn ear as I tried to seperate them, I got bitten on the forearm and ended up having to have a stitch put in and a tetnus jab at the hospital. I was so angry with myself for being so careless It ended up costing me �146 in vets bills, cos it was totally my fault and I couldnt let the Rescue pay, although they wanted to. That,ll teach me to transport strange dogs while ill with a hangover, Ive learned my lesson
On the subject of dogs, Chipdick is still the same numpty he,s always been The stalking has stopped, which Im thankfull for, but I still get the "poor me" speech, when I can be bothered to listen to it. I havnt actually seem him face to face though, he,s keeping his distance since the last encounter and the Police etc, Im hoping this isnt the calm before the storm though, it seems to go that way, a few weeks of quiet then all-out-war. He hasnt contacted any of our girls, and the way they feel about him now, it doesnt seem to matter to them, theyve lost all respect for him, he,s treated them as if they dont exsist, and none of them mention him very much at all anymore. Its sad, but thats all his own doing. What a lot he,s lost
Sometimes I feel so sorry for him, he is so miserable, messed up so much, that I feel almost guilty that Im feeling so at peace about things, but then I think back to some of the nastier things he,s done to me, and ask myself "Did he feel guilty, did he feel sorry for me when he was mooring his little boat in another Womans dock?.." Hell no. Then I dont feel so bad for him
So, thats all folks, no major update, nothing very interesting, no drama, .....watch this space though, Im sure this tranquility wont last
love to you all. mea. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My ex-Husband bought me a mood ring so he could monitor my moods. When Im in a good mood it turns green. When Im in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time the B****** will buy me a diamond.
Glad you are adjusting well in your "new" life away from chipdick........
How are the girls? You haven't mentioned them in awhile!!
Thinking of you......it's Friday night and I'm heading out to the local Yacht Club for a few drinks with the girls. Maybe they'll be some young sailor there looking.....
I'm sorry to hear about your dad but happy he is going to be O.K. Sorry to hear about the house also, but the other alternative sounds like it will leave you quite secure financially. That's nothing to sneeze at. You do sound quite well and at peace with your situation. Keep up the good work.
Thankyou, Calder, Jay, DB, Karen, Patti, oh Im just going to say "THANKYOU ALL DBers, YOU ARE THE BEST!!!" incase Im here all night naming everyone, you are all very important to me.
, but eventually I got fed up, and decided to view a house in Wales. 
I did something "not nice" a few weeks ago. My friend and me were back here after a nightout, we were a bit ..ahem..merry 
and were looking at internet sites, Ugly.com or something it was called, we were just generally behaving like kids and laughing at some of the photos, and a pop-up popped-up, as they do. It was Get Revenge on a cheating spouse 
It ended up costing me �146 in vets bills, cos it was totally my fault and I couldnt let the Rescue pay, although they wanted to. That,ll teach me to transport strange dogs while ill with a hangover, Ive learned my lesson 