Hi gang, just thought I'd post how it all turned out.
Let's see... up into late April, WAS was making sounds about missing me, having regrets (not saying she wanted to turn things around, mind you), saying it wasn't that OM was this great love, just that he was there for her at the time... crying on the phone over how things went wrong with us, telling me she thinks I'm an "amazing" person, missing me more than ever before, thinking about me a lot of the time...
She stepped up contact with phone calls; we started talking about what did go wrong between us and why, and what we should've done instead, understanding each other. She'd call back to speak more about, telling me she found it healing and informative...
Ended up with her coming out to see me perform at the end of May, which in and of itself was another Hmmm? moment, considering that it was the memorial day holiday and there she was without OM, travelling 150 miles to spend some time seeing me. So, I'm thinking: who, having moved on with another person and new life, revisits their ex like this two years later and makes these sounds?... anyway, I asked her what all her sounds were about and that's when I got this answer:
"Oh, I'm sorry of you got the wrong message! I'm happy where I am! I'm in 'another place'".
THAT finally did it. Yeah, I had thought maybe, maybe she was turning around slowly, but now I got that she's still screwed up in not letting go, not wanting to release her option (me), travelling all this way to see if I was still there for her. That's my best guess; seems to fit. Who makes these sounds and travels 150 miles, but then maintains where they are and denies the mixed messages... only someone who's not dealing straight, I think.
Yeah, I had been awfully nice and taking the high road and letting the past go best possible and forging ahead, but this was the camel's straw in that I just couldn't continue being reeled in to her dysfunctional stuff anymore.
So I cut her off. For my sake, and hers... She tried emailing and calling for a couple of weeks to get me to respond and fell back to her "I'm thinking about you all the time, missing you, I worry about you" and I could only see that now as more of the same, trying to reel me back in. It's not about any concern for me, I don't think... it's more about her insecurities - that she wanted to see if I was OK... with her.
I sent a short email to her letting her know I'm fine and busy and I haven't spoken to her since. Sure, I guess I could get into why I didn't want to talk to her anymore, but I figured, at the time, what's the point of discussing anything at all with her. Who cares about discussing ut? Just do it, you know?
Anyway, what else is going on with my life... oh, there was a lovely gal I got involved with in the Spring, but she turned out to be a commitment phobe too, and that made me think, OK, why am I attracted to these types??... though I enjoyed every moment up until the WTF breakup point, but at least I could figure out the WTF this time around. And I picked myself up rather easily, knowing it wasn't me this was about, and kept on going, and lo and behold did meet someone else, out of the blue, and so far, so great She's about a dozen years younger than me, and a former beauty queen to boot, very sweet and a dry wit that makes me laugh a lot and the more she's gotten to know me, the more she adores me. All good stuff!!!
Well, maybe that's just good ol' Karma!
Did have the CD I composed/perform come out and you can hear a bunch of sample tracks from it on by clicking here (OK, so that's a shameless plug). I'm also in the midst of directing rehearsals of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest for performances next month, which is coming along, if anyone's in the area and would like to see it, tickets can be had at Ovation Tix
If anything else interesting happens, I'll try and post. But there's some glitches on this DB site that keep knocking out my anti-virus program!
Hope you're all having a great summer, and please, please don't permit your WASs to drag you down or be the mind-f*cks that they are! Remember: You may be screwed up right now, but they're really SCREWED UP and they're better at it! And if they don't/can't change, they're not worthy nor capable of being with you in the way you'd really want, and, believe it or not, your happiness is NOT dependent on them or their whims at all, nor should it EVER be.
So glad to hear from you. And so interesting too! I'm happy for you. Your life seems to have moved on in a wonderful way. Thanks for coming back and checking in on us. Most of those who were here when you were are either on Midlife Crisis, Surviving or Piecing.
You sound really, really good. I miss your wisdon.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
I bet I think about you more than your x does, lol. Ain't that sad. Anyway, I'm sorta sorry things took that turn but you expected it. I am REALLY glad you are doing well and thanks for the update. Take care and there are those of us who still try to live up to your example of giving it straight to those who need it.
You were one of the original (at least in MY generation of DBers) good ones and I will be forever grateful for you help early on in my sitch.
Hmmmm...what is it with meeting these "younger" ladies, NYS? I've not been on the boards in quite a while but I just couldn't resist sharing that my sitch is so much the same: the mixed messages, WAS wanting to keep me reeled in, my finally letting go & moving on; and me meeting younger ladies. The energy is lots of fun & refreshing, but at the same time, I maintain my distance to avoid getting too wrapped up in their own dramas.
Best wishes to you and thanks so much for your insights when I was hurting so much. You helped me in more than a small way.
GG
"You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them..." The Gambler
Hey, you. Good to hear from you again. Ok, so she's still off in lalaland. Meantime, you've met someone you enjoy being with, and that's what counts! Hugs, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Well, that last one ended. It would go great guns for a while, but every now and then there was an upheaval where she got into critiquing me over truly insignificant matters, telling me what I "should" have done, and speculating up over dramatic and obviously baseless scenarios about them, like she's "shopping for pain". In other words, she wanted me to think, act and do like her, and negatively dramatize what she saw as being my "faults" (which were really just me being different than her, which she'd paint as black). I'd listen to her, but it was more about her wanting me to meet her expectations (that I should be a clone of hers!), rather than accepting that people are different, and not communicating toward a compatible result.
Grrr.
A pal of mine who had met her a couple of times afterwards told me that his impression of her was, as pretty and bubbly as she was, that she seems to be high maintenance, and if things aren't as according to her, well, she gets mean. He got a whiff of that when he had a little interaction with her that bothered her. Funny thing is, the night of that episode, we were later at a bar where she was discussing that interaction and even started engaging a stranger sitting next to her for his unbiased opinion, and this guy, an older guy, must've come from a site like this, because he asked her why she was letting what someone else says bother her so, and he suggested that she choose what's important in picking her battles! I bought him a drink.
So, anyway, I fluff up my pillow here at Square One, brush myself off and keep on keeping on.
Brushes off NYS, fluffs the pillow and gives him a big ole hug ;-) You know what they say... that letting go of the wrong one just means you are closer to finding the right one.
Come on babe, pack it up over here and move your belongings over to Surviving... come join the rest of us... Anna is back too!!
Kudos on all the "good" stuff going on in your life right now!!
She's about a dozen years younger than me, and a former beauty queen to boot, very sweet and a dry wit that makes me laugh a lot and the more she's gotten to know me, the more she adores me. All good stuff!!!