I've been gone for awhile, but now I'm back. I have been lurking for awhile, but I decide to finally start my own "db journal again."
Well in case people don't know, here is my sitch.
xW: 27 me: 28 s6 (not xW biochild, but been around since birth)
My M got horrid. It consisted of abuse, infidelity, lying, finger pointing, etc etc. Neither party was innocent of these things. I also had an extremely hard time finding work after 9/11, but all of that has changed.
if you would like to see my old threads, you may search for thehighlyeducatedone and look them up to chart my progress.
Well basically my BIG D was last year. Since then, I was in one R with another person, but I never stopped communicating with xW. I was just trying to deal with the hurt and pain. It did nothing but retard my ultimate goal of repairing my M.
Well basically now, I have my own place and xW has hers. We have communicated almost nonstop for the past year give or take a month or so.
Recently, we just began physical contact again. She often comes by my house and spends the night or we watch movies, or we talk on the phone.
I finally GAL. I have other friends that I go out with. They understand my sitch and what I"m trying to do and I have no physical contact with them other than maybe just friendly hugs.
I go to church consistently now. I spend alot more time with my son and I have been rebuilding a once tumultuous relationship with my mother.
I think xW has started to see me differently. She has been able to turn to me with a few financial/emotional probs as well as me just working on myself.
My family and friends all see a changed man. I have worked so hard to get to this point, but the work still lies ahead.
my xW still cannot tell her family that she is even seeing me. She used to oonsistently involve them in our sitch and they resent me because they have only heard one side of it. NO matter. I'm not in this to please them, but I only hope that xW will eventually be able to tell them where the heck they can go because that's one of the reasons I don't visit her place (they still live close by and stop by often).
xW and I pretty much were both celebate until about 2 weeks ago. I had been celebate for 7 months and she said she had been celebate since the last time we were intimate (june of last year).
Is everything perfect? Heck no. We still argue. WE still have problems, but the thing is I've changed. I rarely take the bait and I've gotten pretty good at avoiding allowing myself to be stuck in cheeseless tunnels and I've been pretty effective at knowing when to go dark (be it for a few hours or even a day sometimes) and when to go light.
Do I not always db the way I should? No. Do I mess up? Yes. Do I still wish my wife and myself were married? Yes. Do I get frustrated with her alot? Yes.
But the point is there is light at the end of the tunnel for those who think that a D is just the end of everything.
WE still have alot of issues/probs to resolve, but I think we'll eventually sort it all out. But I have a life now and I'm enjoying it.
And this board did help alot. I got alot of good advice from alot of people and for that I am truly grateful
Well thank you for your post, if nothing else it gives me hope that my XH and I might one day be more friendly than we are now.
So how long after your D did you and your XW start really talking? Like talking about things that mattered, not surface level stuff?
I am three weeks post D, and I miss him, and in my heart I know the reason he doesn't call and talk to me is because he will miss me if he does, but I don't want to "force" myself on him and push him away either.
Any advice about how to open lines of communication, postD?
i answered your question on the other thread. I will add to my o wn thread shortly. got a lil journaling to do. All opinions, encouragement, cricism, feedback is greatly appreciated. we are all here for the same goal
Hi there, I am still posting on MLC, b/c it seems like more of what I need. TJ and I are in the beginning stages of ending our marriage, an outcome I expressly do not want, but will not stand in his way. He is taking the reponsibility for this choice. The road for me will take me to this forum I believe. It is not over till it is over, but I am prepared for this D. I believe TJ will not hit the bottom until this is a done deal. That is where my best chances are. But I have been planning how to stay in touch with him. He is moving out of state in 2 weeks to start a new job, after leaving his last one that lasted 26 years, the lenght of our marriage. I will send him funny stories. About my job (I am a Kindergarten teacher). I will invite him to leave the cold of Detroit behind and meet me in Aruba. Lets' quit our jobs and open a dive shop. We will both be good with customers, and he is a terrific business man. I will think of some cute other atribute for me. Maybe I will suggest I am getting good at sex apeal, and flirting with younger men. How about flattery? Can you help me with this problem? you were always better at handling this kind of thing than I was. Friends. Distant but loving. Cute and funny. Draw him/or her in. A good neighor kind of relationship. That is how I plan to build a new and improved ship for sailing into a committed,loving relationship. Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
That is my thread about MLC. I welcome comments and questions about the book I read, that may not be available to everyone. Forgive my typing. I have had a beer. I am a very light drinker. .10t5u904tutgurtj
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Well tommorrow is the fourth of july. I don't have any plans. I will probably work.
This weekend was not very good.
Friday exW and I were sposed to go out, but we didn't. She's diabetic and said that her feet were swollen and she was tired from work so she stayed at home to rest.
Thing is she didn't even call me and let me know this. I called her saturday and found this out and I was worried about her health, but I was also irritated with the lack of phone call to let me know what's going on. exW has a tendancy of doing that and she knows that annoys me.
We had a "small argument" about that and one of our cellys dropped the call. I figured she would call back or I would and guess what? I heard nothing from her the rest of the day.
Then sunday comes along and I hear nothing from her.
Most of wednesday comes along and I hear nothing from her.
Finally i get a text mesaage on celly stating that she is trying to resolve a few things within herself right now (bills) and that she has a funeral to go to. The tone of the message was somewhat snooty but I let it go due to the fact she's grieving.
I replied with a text message stating i could help her with her bill and that I"m here for her if she wants to talk. Then I left it at that
Basically most of my weekend was spent with my family. Also a "Friend" wanted to go out but my "family time" ran over so I didn't have time to do it.
Hi there; thanks for sharing your situation and how you and your wife are building a new ship. My husband left me one year ago and although he didn't want a divorce, I do and it's going through July 24th.
Something I can really identify with is your feelings of uncertainty of what you can expect from her, on a social basis. That's exactly the position I was always in with my X. I did the pursuing and the planning and he was as aloof as a cat on on Paxil. This always left me feeling insecure.
So good on ya for developing your own life...you deserve that. Someone on this forum told me whenever I feel scared about what my X might be up to, take a bath, go for a jog, call a friend, do something nice for myself. I LOVE that advice. I hope you will do something nice for yourself too. take care!
can I ask you something... you said you were in a R. Was it serious? Was or is your EW in a R? do you thing things would be different if you or her were in a serious (live in OM/OW) R?
