I thought the mediation was going to be helpful but was just a waste of money($1,000 for 2 hrs inc lawyers). One session was court mandated, talking with the W the day before we worked out most things between ourselves and the few things we didn't agree (alimony, house) on were not settled during mediation. Court date is Aug 17th to work things out by then. RJ
You do know that I was trying to make you smile, right?
I know that this must have been a sad and draining day for you, and I really am sorry. I still have my day in court to look forward to. No matter how you slice it, it's such a waste!
How did you come up with a settlement this quickly. Had you seen a mediator?
Take care.................
Bethie
Yeah, I finally figured that out! (see my email to you!)
We did our own Property Settlement Agreement. Last year when she was telling me she wanted to "be on her own for a while and sort out her emotions and think and maybe see where things went w/ VB...(virginboy)) I had a paper copy of a boilerplate agreement. Typed it all up and we sat down one day in bed (!) and agreed on everything in an hour. Looking back I see now she just wanted to bolt. She could have taken me to the mat on some $$$ issues but didn't and since the kids welfare was our first priority... that made things easy. NO alimoney, she pays minimal child support as I told her that if she doesn't pay something the courts aren't going to like that. Of course she squealed and tried to say that she shouldn't have to since she didn't hit me for half of my [401k] (not really but like one..
Can you say CHA CHING... Of course it wouldn't have been pretty if I'd made a stink about the OM. Last year I was DBing and didn't even know it! I didn't file, I didn't blast her. I DID chew out the OM which actually did some good... for my mental well being and it got him started on the path to dump her!
The bummer was this still cost me over $3500... First L was a jerk and dropped me b/c I didn't want to refi the house to get her off the deed. It would have put me in a tight $$ sitch. And her L screwed things up every step of the way costing more $$$ I can't even imagine what the cost would have been if we had litigated anything at all!!! She just wanted out. And last year when she was all glommed up w/ VB she was like the typical alien. You'd have thought she was on drugs.
She totally blew off her friend that happened to be in court today... I talked to that gal later and she said she felt like she couldn't breathe!
So, the only tie up for us was she had to wait a year, file, me respond, get a court date and that's that.
I thought it would be a great idea to get smashed tonight, but I had to take S11 to a friends and D15 and her gf to a concert and now have to go pick all three up. So much for getting trashed. Not my style anyway!
Oh well, tomorrow is another day Scarlett.
Thanks.
Check your credit report right away, get her off anything your got, and get off her CC's. They will use credit to make their escape.
Next give all the room she needs, pretend she is gone, and make the kids your prioity.
Alien speak says move on, she is lying, but will need lots of space for a good while, months.
Maybe you need to catch up on my sitch!!! We're DONE. Completely. Last year I pulled a Credit report... We both took each other off our individ. CC as authorized users (and got the cards back!) Actually the $$$ aspect of our Div. was very civil. She's just got her head up her A$$ regarding emotions/dealing w/ issues/etc. Just Sunday (2days post Div.) we were talking on the phone about the kids... and somehow the conv. got around to things that happened between us and she started harping again about how she didn't FEEL cherished/loved/etc... I gently told her that's why I found 5 Love Lang.s so revealing... That I DID try to show her, that SHE wasn't talking in a way that I fully comprehended... That two years ago, a year and a half ago...had she sat me down and said "I'm at my wits end, I'm really unhappy, I'm thinking about leaving because......________" MAYBE that would have opened a real dialogue instead of the several months of BS we spent going to the shrink and she talked about all the little nitpicky things that pissed her off... but ignored the BIG one! W/E.
I'm going to keep on DBing by being nice, pleasant, accomodating when it comes to the kids and general stuff. We don't argue about anything. And I think she's finally realized that VB (OM) isn't going to be coming around AT ALL. PERIOD. Night!
Quote: she started harping again about how she didn't FEEL cherished/loved/etc... I gently told her that's why I found 5 Love Lang.s so revealing... That I DID try to show her, that SHE wasn't talking in a way that I fully comprehended... That two years ago, a year and a half ago...had she sat me down and said "I'm at my wits end, I'm really unhappy, I'm thinking about leaving because......________"
And that's when I invalidated her feelings by telling her why she shouldn't feel that way and how we could have "fixed" it. But, of course, after D, you can explain what you feel the cause of problems was. You deserve your chance to speak out.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
That's the same boat a lot of people are in, self included where if we knew then what we know now things would be different. To find a way on the timeline for one spouse to "get a clue" before the other spouse reaches "the point of no return" instead of the other way around would be the solution to many situations. At least now you know rather than going through life always wondering. RJ
What is someone supposed to do when they practice the 5 Love Languages, but it never seems to be enough for the WAW? I am certainly not perfect and I may not have practiced the 5 LL completely, but I came pretty close. However, nothing I did seemed to make any difference. Affirmation, gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch were all things I did on a regular basis. It all seems so confusing.
In my sitch, there is no question that my W is a fundamentally unhappy person who keeps looking for something outside herself to bring her happiness. She has tried different jobs, "retail therapy," traveling, cosmetic surgery, assorted relationships and now, her second A. Its all too bad.
She has filed for D and I received the summons today. So it would appear we have entered a new phase of our lives. I feel sorry for her and wish that someday she will find the happiness that neither I nor anyone/anything can provide.
Heh, "retail therapy", I like that one. Never underestimate the power of the female as a major purchasing agent in keeping capitalism #1 in the world. Since our separation, I've not made a single purchase other than groceries and we get by fine. Keep your chin up and keep trying, not cheesless tunnels but other things. Its not over until its over. RonJon
Hi David; my divorce becomes final in one month. I like how you itemized everything that happened. That's how it all plays out in my mind too, this chronology of events that were so jarring, so out of my control. The day he told me he was leaving. The day he left. Etc, Etc.
I hope you don't think your destined to a life of loneliness. Because you sound like a good person. And life is too short to wear other people's problems. Deep breath, head held high, and forge ahead, my friend. I plan to get through my Divorce date with a little party, either at my house, or out with the girls. Not a party to kiss off my WAH, because I want to keep healthy lines of communication open, but a party to celebrate my new beginning of creating a happy life. One of the first things I did was despite the debt my WAH left me with, I started putting $400/month into a savings account and am taking my sons to Mexico this December with a friend and her son.
When's the last time you went on a holiday with the kids? About your girl in grade nine struggling with marks, I found a drastic difference in marks for my 18 year old twin sons between elementary and high school, there's just so much going on in their development. Maybe I'm too lax on these matters, but I figure, in 10 years time, they'll not be in high school anymore, they'll have figured it out, and will be making plans for their future. You're a good dad, be proud. And I agree, you'll be more than alright!
But, of course, after D, you can explain what you feel the cause of problems was. You deserve your chance to speak out.