Quote: I finally realised there was just no dealing with the X period. I tried and I tried, for the kids sakes but she was just difficult unless, it was to her advantage!
Yes sir - I just got hit between the eyes with this realization. I should have known better - but I thought for D13's sake I would try again. No more.
Honestly my life has been so peaceful the last few months because of the PO - no contact. But I thought I was doing the right thing of trying to get D13 out from between us & playing messenger. Evidently not since D13 is still getting mis-information and taking me to task for it.
Well I now know that I don't have to allow that to happen- contact w/ X mean.Not at all if I can - or at least when required - keep it business like and end the conversation if she goes off the deep end. Tried that last night and got blasted by D13 for - using Mom's words to do it too.
Quote: Believe me your X probably gets perverse pleasure everytime she sucks you into one of these dramas,
Oh I'm sure because then she can feed it to D13 to use it against me with her.
Quote: As far as the custody thing goes, make it clear to D what you want, you may not get it
That's what I have been doing - no it's not what I want - but I'm not going to fight it. And you are right - it's not the end of the world. The sun will still rise the next day and as long as I'm still sucking air I will be here for her. D13 knows this - just gets wrapped up int the drama between the adults and because ofthe one-sided info she does get - chooses sides.
Quote: I stepped back and let my D and X enjoy each others company
That's the advice I've been given and plan to take - but I seem to be getting blasted for it here too. Ironically this is where the advice has come from. As I said earlier - I'm not giving up on her - just giving in.
Quote: Your D is angry and confused, she needs for you to be the calm, consistent, rock she knows you are! You have to filter what she says, some is truth , some is crap, we tend to lose our objectivety because our emotions are running wild at these trying and hurtfull times.
I know this is hard on my young one - being caught between two people tht she loves and supposedly love her. Thanks for the reminder of what I need to do & be for her. That's what 's most important.
Thanks again my friend for your insight and advice.
Hey Dad have a great weekend, advice is great, but in the end you'll fiqure out what works best for you! S19 just dropped by and is now giving me, his hand me down soccer stuff lol, nicest stuff I've ever had! C.
Sorry I haven't been here lately or keeping up with my DB buds.
Things are going OK recently - Just very busy
Soccer is in full swing and keeps me tied up most nights & weekends. Work has been a bear lately and I expect more of that this summer. Been given a load of new duties - well outside of my normal scope of work. But I enjoy it and it's a good thing to help build my resume.
D14 and I are getting along very well as of late.
X and i have actually had a couple of civil conversations. But she needed something from me so she had to be civil. I think she may have started to realize that I'm not going to allow her to yell and scream and curse me any longer. Her guilt tactics and tugging on my heart strings about D14 doesn't work either. We are going to have to get along and compromise or not. It really doesn't matter to me any more. I can live my life without interaction unless required for D14.
Recently recieved May's CS check from OM. He has set it up on an automatic bill payment so maybe thats a sign that custody won't become an issue this summer. Why set up the auto payment if they are going to try to change the situation.
I may attempt to have a reconsideration of the amount of CS - X is claiming expenses that are bogus but I didn't fight it at the time - but then again -why start another fire. Need to ponder that some more.
I have been seeing a woman I went to high school with. We crossed paths last summer at our reunion, she contacted me about a month back and we have been getting together when our schedules allow. Nothing serious but we have fun and enjoy each others company.
So there you go - a little update into my personal soap opera.
Good stuff Dad your on your way! X will get nutty at times, mine still does, I just ignore it and don't react, she seems to be slowly getting the message, but aliens can't change their spots lol! D 15 and her mom are butting heads again, surprize, I'm staying out of it, but have made it clear I'm here for D if she needs me! Her mom seems to be making more of an effort these days which is nice for the kids (and I've commented on it in a positive way) so things are getting better and better! On a down note damaged the MCL in my knee last night at our soccer game, and I'm out of the side for a while, see the doctor again next week and hopefully can start rehabbing the knee! Don't know what I'd do without my sports? Glad to hear things are settling for you, take care Dad! C.
I do feel a little guilty. I've been REALLY busy with soccer and work and haven't been coming here regularly to keep up with you. I guess I come here more when things are whirling around and I need to vent. So if I haven't been posting a lot lately maybe that's a good sign.
Soccer season is over. Both teams had winning records and I think the kids had fun and maybe even learned a few things - especially the little ones. Both really came together and started playing as a team - not a group of individual players. It makes a coach proud.
It let's me know I've done something right when I get hugs from the players & parents and they say they want me to coach them next season. I'll be there & I hope I do get a lot of them back next time.
D14 and I are doing well - really well lately. Pretty smooth even when X is trying to stir the pot between us. Which is pretty much all of the time. I try to just let it roll off my back and not show my frustration to D14. Keep it calm and rational and D14 acts/reacts accordingly. I may have to give her time to cool down after X gets her stirred up - but eventually we can talk things through.
X is still being an alien BIATCH - but what can I do. Right now she is bent because I submitted some medical bills to her for reimbursement. Not like I'm asking her to do something that she hasn't agreed to in our D. Because of that she refused to speak to me this weekend so we could make arrangements to get D14 back to her after soccer on Saturday. I had plans that night and she kept trying to jerk my chain - through D14 - and I was "told" what I was going to do - again through D14. I simply rearranged my plans a bit and stood my ground. I tried to get things straightened out well before and she refused - so why should I jump through the hoops that she sets in place. Not my job anymore.
I had thought about returning the favor this weekend. I have D14 and it's Mother's Day on Sunday. HHHMM - I wonder what would happen if I refused to speak to X to make arrangememnts for D14 to see her on Sunday. I wonder if she would appreciate that?
But what do I show D14 if I do that. If I say X is in the wrong and then I do the same thing - what am I really showing her.
No I won't do that. I'll stay on the high road and do the right thing. Show D14 - by my actions - that I can rise above X's pettiness and do the right thing.
Today is my Jack Benny birthday - 39 & holding Taking tommorrow off from work - Happy B-day to me.
Getting together tonight with the "S" troop and Tracey (high school girl) to celebrate. Steaks on the grill and a few cold ones to mark the passing of another year.
Tracey and I have been seeing each other when our schedules allow. Not sure where this is going or where I want it to go- just enjoying the time we do spend and not expecting anything other than what it is right now.
Hard to believe it's been almost 2 years since I first found the BB. I've come along way on this path - with all of the ups & downs that come along with this rollercoaster ride. Hasn't always been fun or easy. But in the grande scheme of things - in many ways - it's the best thing that could have happened to me. I like the person I've become - reborn in a sense.
So this season is over. Time to get a chance to slow down a bit, enjoy the good things and refocus my efforts on the house a few other projects I still want to get done and enjoy the summer.
Thanks again to my friends for traveling this path with me. It's been a hell of a ride - but I like where it's taken me so far.
Getting together tonight with the "S" troop and Tracey (high school girl) to celebrate. Steaks on the grill and a few cold ones to mark the passing of another year.
Tracey and I have been seeing each other when our schedules allow.
By that, you mean she works at a HS, right? Not that she's under 18? I just don't want to see you on the latest NBC Dateline sting.
Good to see you having fun, SD. I'll be having my 1st 39th BDay in a few weeks. I'm sure the coaching is helping to keep you young at heart.
Ah Grasshopper, you follow the right path, tis almost time for you to fly, when one can dribble down the rice paper without damage LOL! Good stuff Dad! C.
Well I should have been an *ss to X. As it turns out Mother's day was another fiasco with her. Original plans were to treat the day like we did Easter. D14 and I do my family's events and then D14 goes to X for the rest of the day and spend the night there.
Well X changed plans and didn't bother to tell me - D14 let me know about it on Sunday morning. .Now she has an appointment early this morning - is going into work early this morning and can't get D14 to school. X wanted to have D14 come back at about 6:00 pm
Because last the convo we had was with D14 staying there - I had plan in place.
Called X to try to work something out and she was indignant and looking for an arguement. Funny thing is I wasn't trying to keep D14 from her at all. The arguement was about X trying to rid of D14 and bent because I had plans and wouldn't make wholesale changes to them for her. Told me several times that I was just trying to mess up her day and plans for that night. I did offer several solutions - one of then was to have D14 come back to me - but later in the evening, but none of them were good enough.
When things weren't going her way she told me to "remember that Father's Day is right around the corner". Nice - I guess she is going to try to keep D14 from me on that day - just like last year. I didn't get D14 until almost 8:00 pm.
And of course OM go in the middle again - answering the phone - not letting me speak to X to work something out and making threats. I overheard them talking - as she was telling him the options I presented and he told her to have me arrested for violating PO - which I "may" have done depending on interpretation - and that he would fix it so she would never have to deal with me again.
Now I take that as a threat - either for him to use his position in law enforcement to sway the outcome and/or as a physical threat against me.
I'm really tired of this putz getting involved - even though I've been told that he has nothing to do with this stuff and to keep him out of it.
Seriously considering several things: 1 Filing a complaint against OM because he is coaching X, they have coached D14 and he is trying to use his position for advantage against me, They are cohabitating illegally in my state and a few other things I can throw into the mix. And take out a restraining order against him because of the threat I am now "in fear for my life and safety".
2 Sending a letter through L and try to get this stuff about visitation and holidays written down and agreed upon. I'm really tired of getting jerked around every holiday. If X and I can't agree then I guess we will let the judge figure it out. 3 I have asked for reimbursement of Medical co-pays. X is refusing. Have L initiate a show cause order so she can tell the judge why she won't pay for D14's counseling co-pays as she is supposed to do.
4 Initiate a re-determination of CS. X is claiming child care expense for D14 - mainly transportation costs to get her from school - that's not my problem - why should I pay for it.
Of course that may cause the custody issue to raise it's head - but I've been expecting that anyway so why not take the bull by the horns.
Right now I'm pondering whether or not to make the call and file the complaint. I'll let it simmer for a bit today before I do anything.
Anyway - I hope all of the Mom's out here had a great Mother's Day.
