I love to read the stories here... But I'm really curious, how many marriages where the couple has separated, never mind actually divorced, RECONCILE?
Cause I'm not seeing a whole lot of that going on and w/ 29 days to go til W can file I'm pretty stinking bummed out. Esp. since a lot of this is HER failure to deal w/ issues, her unforgiving my A from 1989 !!!! and then her having an A starting the day she told me she wants out... okay, actually they didn't sleep together for a few weeks, but she told him he was nifty and ended up at his house cuddling on the couch... So let's hear from all you folks that have kissed and made up!!!!
Sorry for your situation. Unfortuntely, I'm sure you will find a pretty small percentage of success stories as far as reconciling. You'll find a larger percentage of people on here who have still grown a lot through this process. Personally, I'm almost two months into the reconciliation with my XW after being divorced 6 months and I can honestly say that I'm not unhappy that it took separation and divorce to get to this point. It was a period of growth for me.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
DavidM, Hi you posted to my sitch a while back. I wish you luck and keep up the faith. It took my STBXW moving out before I saw the first signs of any emotion from her, I'm talking the day after and she asked me to stay with her and the kids that night. I see now i may have been played because my D will be done Fri. (She forgot to tell me the date was this soon. Just told me I needed to sign for papers).Thats how I ended up here. I wish you the best and dbing works to some extent. It's helped me deal with alot of issues i've had buried for along time. Deano
In talking to a therapist, he said the scenario that plays out more often than not is that the WAS will eventually try to return but it's often too late for the left behind spouse. I'm talking as a general rule in the world at large, not us here in this forum.
He also said that 20% of all divorces end with reconciliation and remarriage. Again, that's the world at large, not just our little corner of it here.
"When you're going through hell...keep going." -Sir Winston Churchill
David, I want to be blunt but I do not want to make you angrier.
You are too angry to see this situation clearly. You are still blaming. You need to back off a little and see things objectively. You are panicking and scared and there is nothing you can do right now except to wait things out.
You want success stories, go over to piecing. You want to hear about stories of people who are working their arses off to become better people and forgive their spouses, then go to midlife crisis or separated.
There are no guarantees with DBing. No promises. Just hope and faith. And GAL and working on ourselves not our spouses.
AND if you want me to be truly honest with you......
WE have all done something wrong to contribute to the demises of our relationships. Every single one of us.
Go to separated and read up on COG. Ask him for some advice.
You had an affair in 1989, you keep referring to it as though it was nothing and it was 17 years ago so what the hell. To her it was a big deal. She may be just saying this as an excuse for her own actions but it sounds like the two of you never dealt with it properly and it has been festering for years.
Go read my thread in MLC. As I said there are no guarantees but I think we are heading in the right direction.
I am not trying to get down on you, but you need to look at you and not at her. Keep your eyes on God not on your wife.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
My thearpist told me that the number is closer to 50% who get divorced and wind up back together. what a waste of effort, time and energy. I still hope to wind up back with my wife someday. Just don't think she is at all ready yet. Oh, I live in De Witt.
