I am posting a reference to this post in every forum for one reason! DIVORCE BUSTING WORKS!!
My name is David. Some of you, who have been reading and posting in these forums for awhile, know me. If you havenít heard of me or read my story, please read my story in the space provided by Michele in the forum "Davidís Story". I must, however, let you know in advance that I never finished my story. Now, I believe I can begin the second chapter, at least.
My wife and I were separated for eight months, beginning in November, 1998. We lived apart and maintained a friendship, which I promoted and maintained per principles and guidelines I set forth from reading Micheleís books and some books on personal development. My wife told me repeatedly that she held no hopes for our future together other than the maintenance of our friendship. My wife had a life of her own that included a short (four month) relationship with someone else. Through the eight months that we were separated the friendship between my wife and me grew. A new trust in each other developed. I had made some serious changes in my life. I had made major shifts in my priorities. I had read everything I could concerning how women feel, what women want in a relationship and what women find attractive in a man. I read Micheleís "Divorce Busting" over and over. Each time I read "Divorce Busting" I found something that I had missed the prior time.
I also relied heavily upon my own belief mechanism which is, simply, whatever you truly believe in will become your reality. If I could see myself as an unconditional friend to my wife, irrelevant to my own self-serving and egotistical, natural human tendencies, I would truly become able to BE an unconditional friend.
My wife and I began dating again in June, 1999. We fell back in love with each other and she moved back in with me in August, 1999. I wish I could say that we lived happily ever after. I canít.
During the next few months my business began to falter due to a split with my business partner. The duty of support fell upon my wife for a few months. This is NOT the best thing for a new, second chance relationship. In January, just as my business was beginning to thrive again, my wife became disenchanted with our relationship. I can hardly blame her. It seemed that things were heading back to the way that they had become prior to our separating the first time.
I didnít tell her THE REALLY BIG NEWS just yet, but she did find out, over time, that she had come back to a different husband in August, 1999. I had weathered the storm of our separation and there was no way that I was going to let a twist of fate allow for disenchantment to come between us. I continued to work on the business and to employ the simple, unconditional friendship that has always been an ally in my relationship with my wife. During the months of February and March, thanks to the continuing dedication to what I had learned about Divorce Busting during my separation, my wife and I have come, once again, back to where we should be in our marriage.
This was, I believe, a final test of some sort, to show us that our marriage could go through a tough time without going through another separation and, probably, a divorce.
Believe me, it does take two, ultimately, to keep the marriage together. But a single partner in the marriage can make the difference in whether the other partner wishes to remain in the marriage. My wife was able to see me in a different light during tough time in our marriage the second time around. She saw me handle, in a solution focused manner, what fate tossed at me. She was also able to observe me under pressure. After all was said and done, she had witnessed someone that had truly changed.
I am proud to say that my changes have now undergone some very serious testing. I am still in love with my wife, now more than ever. My wife has become aware that we do, truly, have something very special. Due to my wifeís realization, I have become the recipient of a renewed and more tender affection than I could have ever imagined. My wife looks at me with complete and total love in her eyes.
I give a HUGE amount of credit to my wife for staying to observe and not bolting as she did a year ago. I do believe that the trust that was developed during our separation and what I learned in Divorce Busting, allowed her to feel comfortable enough to allow herself to stay and observe. I also owe a huge debt to our solution-oriented therapist whoís positive influence during therapy contributed to my wifeís being able to look at us in a positive manner.
I am posting this so whoever reads it can know that Divorce Busting works. Divorce Busting not only works to get your relationship back or back in order, but it also works to keep your relationship in order. When things get tough, whether you are with your partner or not, remember the methods of Divorce Busting. If you donít remember them all, just pull out the book and read it again. Believe me, you will find some things that you skipped the prior time.
If you are working on making changes in yourself this is great, but also work on keeping the changes you have made permanent changes. You must spend a regular amount of time on keeping the changes you are now making and the changes that have made in the past, a permanent part of you. There will come a time when you will be tested. It is a fact that you are never so judged by others as when you are under pressure. Having made a statement, whether verbally or by your actions, that you have changed, will serve as an invitation for the testing of those changes. Be ready and willing to show anyone, anywhere and anytime that you can stand the test.
Most importantly, I am convinced, you must believe. I can attest, for myself at least, that my beliefs are my reality. Whatever you see yourself to be in your mind and believe, you will become. Period.
No matter where you are in the Divorce Busting process. Whether you just logged on today or have been logging on for a year or more, I am living testimony that:
DIVORCE BUSTING WORKS!!
The changes I have made with the Divorce Busting techniques have been tested, not once, but many times. The Divorce Busting techniques in developing a solution-focused marriage are sound and can definitely stand up to testing.
Whatever you are doing in your own way, using Divorce Busting Techniques........pleaseÖÖ...
Keep at it and donít give up!!
NOTE: If you reply, please go to: "David's Story" forum and reply there.
Re: DIVORCE BUSTING WORKS!! (A Personal Testimony)#23875 04/11/0011:04 PM04/11/0011:04 PM
Patience, thanks for the extra tidbits about these guys.
David, you MADE my day!!! The part where you talk about what you believe is what you become...I am so with you on that one, and I really needed to hear that message today. I won't get into my whole story just now but suffice it to say thank you so much. That is more advice on how to become the person he thinks he has lost forever.
Re: DIVORCE BUSTING WORKS!! (A Personal Testimony)
#1377240 03/06/0808:49 AM03/06/0808:49 AM
? To be honest this success story was from 2000. I would love to hear more success stories from this year, 2007, or even 2006. I don't subscribe to the theory that those with success stories are just not coming on here to report their progress because if my divorce were busted the first thing I would do is come on here and report it. Wouldn't you? It is frustrating.
There is a thread in the top of the MLC board about restored M's.
Go look on the different forums. A few do post that are happily M'd now. It's just that often life takes over and our S's don't necessarily want us on here, (reminds them of their shame perhaps), or they don't even know about our refuge here. Infidelity has some posters where things have worked out too...and don't forget to look in piecing.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Re: DIVORCE BUSTING WORKS!! (A Personal Testimony)
#1378309 03/07/0802:43 PM03/07/0802:43 PM
I have a success story, but it isn't posted under success. My last thread is still under "Piecing". H walked out on me in September '07. September and October were complete he11, but with the help of DR (I don't know how many times I read and reread it), a good IC and persistence, H and I are back together. It was once I came to terms with my own role in our situation that I was able to get a grip on my life. I quit blaming H for everything. I quit trying to analyze him and figure out what went wrong with him and started looking at me. It allowed me to see things in a different light. It was a freeing experience. I'm very Type A and a control freak. Seeing the "truth" of our situation allowed me to back off and let go. I saw things from his perspective for the first time.
Following important steps in DR helped. I backed off. I quit calling and emailing and otherwise "pestering" him. I tried to avoid getting sucked into fights (he still got me on a few). I started self-analyzing and came to some startling conclusions about myself and decided I really wanted to make some changes, whether we got back together or not. Once I came to these conclusions I sought out his friendship.
This was amazing and I was one of the lucky ones. We met twice - first for coffee and to talk as friends, not about us. The next meeting he asked to come back and work on us. I tried to keep my composure. There was lots of crying and spilling of all kinds of emotional baggage. We stayed physically separated for the next couple of months and "dated." We talked on the phone almost every night. We had some good conversations about us and how we both could change. We also had some light friendly talks about nothing in particular and rediscovered each other.
In December we both took some time off from work and spent the week together. He asked if he could move back in. I agreed, but didn't pressure as to when. He still had an obligation to the friend he was renting from and had to give him notice. So over the past two months he's been slowly moving his stuff back in. I think it's almost all back. I've called my attorney and closed my case. H and I have discussed how we want to handle finances and other important things in our lives - how do we want to change, what do we want to keep the same. I do occassional touchbases to see how he's doing. We're doing great and we're on the right path.
I would call us a success, and a very recent one at that.
Me: 37 H: 35 M: 6 T: 8 2 cats, 1 dog, 0 kids S: 09/10/07 D started 9/21/07 (I stalled) Piecing: 11/9/07