Hey, Hope! Thanks for your kind words. I think only four states have the AofA law anymore -- and I'm kinda doubting NY is one of them. I bet NYS knows; in fact, I think he posted on that once. I haven't researched AofA too much, except how it applies to my sitch.
Spousal support is paid by the spouse who makes more money to the "dependent" spouse, because the dependent spouse is supposedly entitled to a standard of life similar to what s/he was used to when married. Alimony/spousal support, from what I understand, is pretty much a given if adultery is involved and/or if the dependent spouse is abandoned. But I also understand that dependent spouses can receive alimony just as part of the D settlement -- even if abandonment/adultery is not the issue. It's actually pretty easy to research; just google alimony/spousal support and NY...if you're really that interested. Of course a L will be able to tell you all that stuff if you end up Ding. And of course I hope you don't, so let's not create that thought right now.
Anyway, I'll keep you posted. Kinda a crappy subject when the boards were created to "save" Ms. But often legal issues enter the picture.
I'll be the guinea pig on that. You guys go out there and save some Ms, okay?
For the record, there is not an "alienation of affection" law in NY.
The law stems from common law, from the times when women were considered to be the husband's "property" or "chattel", and so if a wife left her husband for another man that other man could be considered to have committed a theft. Most states have abolished this law.
Yep. Told you he'd know. The explanation is exactly right, which is why I've always thought it's bogus. But it's there for the taking for those of us in these backwards states (for the record).
Quote: Yep. Told you he'd know. The explanation is exactly right, which is why I've always thought it's bogus. But it's there for the taking for those of us in these backwards states (for the record).
We definitely don't have that law here...but I did find out that we have not common law, but nonceremonial marriage law here which gives you the same rights as a married couple.
I have had a wonderful week, as far as emotional strength is concerned. Cleaned a little in the house, finally made dinners like I used to when H was here, and the girls and I ate at the table (again, like we used to when H was here). I decided I was going to take my life back, even if I didn't feel like doing it. And it has helped. I think for a while I was running from the "wifely" duties because I terribly miss being a wife. I knew that making big dinners, and sitting at the table like a family, would bring back memories, which would make me sad. But I also knew that's just something I have to face if I want to move forward with my life. And I've taken steps toward that, finally.
Last night, I had a dream of H and OW again. This one was kinda weird. They were being very intimate right in front of me. They were finishing up a ML session as I walked in. And what do I do? I talked to them both very nicely. No hint of jealousy, no bad feelings. But I was trying to "be there" for my H so that he would choose me over her.
Talk about DBing in your sleep! Yuck!
Then today I went to a GF's house to hang out a while. She lives really close to me, but I haven't really hung out at her house since H left. Last winter, we had parties there, like, every weekend. I have a lot of warm memories of being with H there.
I went this evening, and all those memories started flooding back. Every room I went into, there was a memory: The bathroom, where H had stuck a beer can in the light above the mirror to see how long it took my friend to find it. (It stayed there for about two months ), the dining room where we played quarters, the fireplace where we all gathered at my wedding shower there, the couch where H and I would snuggle to watch a movie.
It was so sad, but eerily comforting. I can't really explain it. It was almost like I felt the presence of my old H, and I felt so warm and secure. I would've thought those memories would make me crash, but they didn't.
I'm anxious for the day that all my memories are like that -- when I don't have a bad taste in my mouth about H, when I'm not angry at him or wondering why he's so angry at me, when I'm not longing for his companionship anymore. I'm anxious for the day this anger in him subsides (assuming, of course, that it will), and some part of that man I know and love comes back -- even if he's not with me.
Oh guys, it's so hard to watch your best friend deteriorate right in front of your eyes. That's the very hardest part...
Hope, make sure you let me know how the book is. I meant to get to Barnes&Noble tonight, but didn't quite make it. And I'm on my way to another friend's house now. I'll either be back around later tonight, or sometime tomorrow.
Hey pregoo. We all want those days to come. They will, as you well know. Too bad we can't control when. You, as always, are on an accelerated path in all this so they will come sooner than you think.
I'm about 1/2 way through the book; go buy it. A must read.
Something that really jumped out to me is how Scott would say his family is very dysfunctional. So is H's. He is not close to his family, either, and it's even worse now that they know what he did. And here is the kicker...Laci had told her mother that Scott was going through a midlife crisis!!! I kid you not, it's in the book.
Last night, I had a dream of H and OW again. This one was kinda weird. They were being very intimate right in front of me. They were finishing up a ML session as I walked in I have had dreams of a similar nature. It happened more to me early on, post-bomb. Not so bad now, although sleeping through the night is a lost art for me. I so desperately wish I could sleep just once without waking up 3 times. I think the bad dreams will eventually go away, but only after some time passes. You're still partly in shock, but you don't realize it. I didn't either.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
), the dining room where we played quarters, the fireplace where we all gathered at my wedding shower there, the couch where H and I would snuggle to watch a movie.