Have a question for you or anyone else with some insight in this situation.
I have a vague mental grasp of what loving detatchment is, but it is hard for me to put that into concrete ideas to use practically in my life.
Through reading this whole thread, I have seen that loving detatchment allows us to better control our emotions and not react to their treatment of us.
I am in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. Sometimes DBing works, and sometimes nothing seems to work. I am very sad at the state of OR, yet am happy with my life other than this. I continue to do things for myself that I enjoy and are healthy for me. I find pleasure in many aspects of my life, but seldom within my relationship.
Most of the time I feel strong, and remind myself that the way he is treating me is a byproduct of how he is handling another problem in his life, and not mostly about us, or me. But sometimes (usually PMS time - imagine that!), I let it get to me. Then I feel really down as a result of his treatment, and am likely to say / do something that will set him off - as a reaction to my emotional state over how he is treating me.
It sounds like loving detatchment at this time would help prevent me from falling into the same behavior, that I KNOW doesn't work. Sometimes, it does feel overwhelming.
Any ideas for putting loving detatchment into action when the way he is treating me is really hurting and I don't feel strong???
Melanie
PS: I seem to be able to avoid more of the same behaviors as long as my emotions are not right at the surface. I have noticed that when my emotions come close to the surface, and I feel intense pain over his treatment that I am prone to backslide. I have been struggling with this for some time now, and hope to find some practical soloution that will help me gain victory over this.
[This message has been edited by MJR (edited 11-25-2000).]
Thank you Patience for bringing this thread back up! I've been trying to detach, but somehow kept getting sucked back into it all. I feel reading this helped put it into perspective.
Sue: if you are still around, thanks for starting this many yrs ago
LJ you are very welcome just knowing it helped is more then thanks enough for me. I know detachment is so very hard. It does get easier with practice. to make a principal yours you just have to work at it every day.
thanks Chelsea and Patience for keeping this thread around. I actually wanted to delete it at one point because of so much personal stuff that went into it after the detachment posts. after reading that its still helping I am glad I didnt.
I put an update on my last post at the top of this page just for those who are curious how my story ends... or begins
