Passions poof like a puffball fungus. Time thins the thickest scabs, but only if healing is embraced.
After fits and starts toward recovery, and a number of incredibly passionate weeks, it has become painfully obvious that I must be moving on. Too many lies, and too much repeated contact have eroded any hope for my M.
I am not here to bellyache about my lost love, but rather to give thanks for the old timers here who steered me toward my future happiness while I was in the dark. Thanks.
I see the old clashing libidos lyrics thread is all locked up, so I will stick one here. I just heard it while watching "Murderball" It was a good pick for a thanksgiving flick.
Anyone Else But You Lyrics, THe Moldy Peaches
You're a part time lover and a full time friend The monkey on you're back is the latest trend I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
Here is the church and here is the steeple We sure are cute for two ugly people I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me So why can't, you forgive me? I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
I will find my nitch in your car With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
Du du du du du du dudu Du du du du du du dudu Du du du du du du dudu du
Up up down down left right left right B A start Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
You are always trying to keep it real I'm in love with how you feel I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
We both have shiny happy fits of rage You want more fans, I want more stage I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
Don Quixote was a steel driving man My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
Squinched up your face and did a dance You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else But you
Du du du du du du dudu Du du du du du du dudu Du du du du du du dudu du But you
Aww, I was thinking about you quite a bit this last week, wondering how things were going. I'm very sorry to hear that W isn't getting with the program. I hope you're taking good care of you.
csw wrote: ---------------------------------- After fits and starts toward recovery, and a number of incredibly passionate weeks, it has become painfully obvious that I must be moving on. Too many lies, and too much repeated contact have eroded any hope for my M. ----------------------------------
You've done a man's job, Casey, start to finish.
I am really proud of you.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: I must be moving on. Too many lies, and too much repeated contact have eroded any hope for my M.
Sorry your work and motivations did not net you the results that would been favorable to you and Ms. csw.
Like most people here on the forum, I wish it would have worked for you as a couple. That third person in a R is a lot to overcome if a spouse will not give them up. You know you gave the R all you could and I commend you for that.
Some day if you want to post what seemed to work and what was a waste of time. I find things I do that work to a degree but it always seems something else pops up when one problem is addressed.
That's a really good thread that you referred us to, Lou. I tend not to read anything else on this site except the SSM board. These are people who have been to the front lines and back again.
One person presented this nice succinct summary of DivorceBusting:
Quote: do what works, stop what doesn't; do a 180 to get a different reaction, do nothing sometimes, change the medium to communicate better, be a little hard to get if someone doesn't respond the way you want. In other words, I change, the other person changes. However, you can't control the outcome. It all boils down to the other person's decision and that's when you have to decide when to stop, pick up your pieces and go
Another person said
Quote: I’m the type of person that has to know that I did my best. There was no way I could sign that piece of paper without knowing I tried. I wanted to walk away with no regret. I have none.
I know DB is not just about saving your M, but also about saving yourself. However, I think each one of us comes to a place where we have to draw the line, or we lose ourselves in the process. I think that started to happen to me.
Like someone already mentioned, that timeline is different for each of us. One day, something inside of me clicked, and I knew it was time to let go and move on alone.
Another comment
Quote: I think this is the problem with DBing. There is a line between giving them space and being treated like a doormat. When staying with DBing forces you to give up your dignity, it's time to say enough is enough.
And finally this... Clearly, there are brilliant people all over this site-- I thought all of them were here on the SSM board...
Quote: Unfortunately, western culture is just so... what's the word... intellectualized? We're so damn dependent on our legal system that is dualistic and we're always looking for a "cause" to punish or damn. There is much wisdom when we look at many of the great spiritual leaders objectively... Christ, Buhdda, Mohammed. None of these preached damnation. They led and asked for followers really. I often look at our religious culture and feel we overlook too much with some things, such as that God within us who created good, and we expect that we deserve bad? Goes to the letting the first without sin cast the first stone sort of thing. One of the original translations of the word "sin" in the Old Testament means "mistake."
Sometimes I wonder whether we are imbued with the idea that we're inherently awful. Not so in my view. I'd rather take the detached view that we're all inherently good, and would rather expect good things to happen.
Sigh.
One of my most favorite quotes is from Nelson Mandela.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the Universe." Your playing small does not serve the World. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to manifest the glory that is within us. It is not in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence liberates others."
--Nelson Mandela
"One of the original translations of the word 'sin' in the Old Testament means "mistake.'" I understand that the translation of "sin" that the poster is referring to is "missing the mark." I think even St. Paul uses this definition of sin.
CSW, you did your best. You showed more patience, more unconditional love, and more EFFORT than most people EVER would. You are to be commended, and you will have the peace of mind of always knowing that you did everything you could.
I hope you find what you're looking for -- you deserve it.
I'm really sorry to hear things didn't work out the way you had hoped....but you have a bright future ahead of you, embrace it! You did absolutely everything you could do, feel good about that.
I'm so sorry. You still rock. You have been an inspiration to the people here. An impossible situation was brought to the point of possible through YOUR efforts. She chose to throw it away. When you are ready for another relationship someday you'll know how to maintain your own integrity within it. After you mourn things, you'll be wonderful partner to someone.
