Well last thread got locked out, and I was considering not starting another. I only cruise surviving the big D and have really not involved myself aruond here a whole lot.
But an update...
I did go to dr today, and instead of the routine pap and check, they decided immediately to do a biopsy. I don't know what I feel. Chances that it's cancer are slim, but she wanted to rule that and fibroids or polyps out immediately. She ordered bloodwork too and we'll rule out anemia and thyroid problems at the same time. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week also.
I have to cure this crankiness, crabbiness, nasty female plumbing stuff. I don't even like myself this way.
I'll update sometime when I know more and I've recovered from tonight's whine and cheese party with the left over Cabernet from the weekend.
Pam, whine and cheese are always available! Hope you don't mind red, it's all I have and I ain't going to the liquor store tonight. It's jammie night at home. I'm gonna sit my big butt on the sofa and be a big baby.
Jill, I envy you. Florida! I haven't been down that a way in about two years. Miss my old clients in Sarasota. They were a blast to hang out with.
And yes, I felt crabby for a while. In the past month or so I chewed each my girls at least one new butthole, have been short or spacy with the guy I've been dating, and have not been "myself" for a bit. I don't even feel like I'm living in my own body. It's weird. I know sounds like I need psychotherapy or something, but the only thing I can "feel" is being sad or empty or snippy. The only way I can describe my "normal" self is as smart assed and hyperactive. I usually am not happy unless I have a million things going and now I couldn't care less about anything and I'm always so touchy... Thank gawd this doc didn't sugarcoat the problem by handing me a script for happy pills for PMS. She actually LISTENED to me about what I knew about me--that there IS something happening or possibly wrong.
I'm glad to hear that you've got a good doctor who listens to you and will look into all possibilities (which doesn't necessarily mean that there's anything seriously wrong with you). I think about you a lot and will keep you in my prayers.
As for the crabby, spacey type thing....I can relate. Even when things seem to be going good in my life, there are still so many times when I feel empty inside, spacey - like I'm not interacting with the rest of the world and very, very crabby...lol. You know what? I'll bet that everyone has felt those things at one time or another and if they say they haven't, they're lying. I think it's just another phase we have to go through...cuz you and I both know that you are a wonderful person with a great attitude! And I can vouch that you do like to keep busy...lol
I'm sorry that I didn't get to meet up with you this past weekend but it turned out for the best because D14 decided she wanted to stay home this weekend with me. We just relaxed all weekend and watched movies (rented The Notebook....you definitely need kleenex for that one but what a good movie).
Enjoy your down time tonight with wine and cheese....sometimes we need to relax and rejuvenate ourselves.
Take care of yourself...I'm looking forward to seeing you on that camping trip next summer!!!
I agree with Leenie. It's great that you have a good doc who will go the extra mile and be sure. Even though you know the odds are good, its still a scary thing to go through. So whine all ya want. This time next year you'll be telling us how much better you feel!
I could use a ton of kleenex lately. I cry at the drop of a hat a times and I feel physically exhausted most of the time, and that makes me spacey.
And the thing that makes this so different than being depressed like I was during the separation several years ago, there really is no reason for this. My life is actually good, plenty of good stuff happening. And I really don't want this to be a factor in wrecking any relationships.
I'll see how this all pans out. I just don't want to live like this!
You know, I wonder if this really IS what they think is a female mid-life crisis?
I'm normally even-keeled in my temprament and I'm like ready to bite off heads one moment, and in tears the next. I have no libido one day, and it's killer the next day. This sucks but I'll get through it. Like I said, luckily I don't live with anyone except my 20 YO daughter right now.
I can relate to your frustration with things. How many moving parts does life need to have anyway?
Yesterday, in a fit of rage, I vowed to go beat the ever-lovin' sh!t out of the OM. My life has become so complicated because of his actions and my XW's.
But I let the moment pass and all is well. I know that isnt what I really wanted anyway.
This D thing does suck. At least we have places like this and others to turn to.
