First of all...I can't believe the OW had the AUDACITY to come to your home to talk to your H.
My suspicion, since your H went to the C with you and did go through the session, is that he does want you M to continue. Hon, if he didn't...he'd already be gone. However, in order to save your M, begin repairs and rebuilding...she must be completely out of the picture. He must cut off all contact, that is non-negotiable. You cannot rebuild your M with her in the picture in any way whatsoever...make sure to make that crystal clear to him.
As for how you feel right now, you're going to go through a gammet of emotions, hurt, anger, depression etc. Go through it, don't try to shut the feelings out, don't try to stifle them...go through them and get it out. If you still love your H you can save your M. And simply the fact that both of you went to the session, even after he dropped that poorly timed bomb on you, is a good sign.
Now to trust....oh heck yeah it's going to take time to rebuild that, but it can be done with time and with changes in your M. Does that mean you'll forget what happened....nope, probably not. But with work, forgiveness, love, and perserverence....it doesn't mean it has to happen again either.
Many, many...people experience what you are right now and come through it. Many people successfully rebuild their M's and have stronger, better marriages than they thought possible...after affairs.
So take some time. Do some thinking and when you H comes back...sit down and have a long talk with him about what direction you want your M to go. If you both agree you want to save what you have...put down a ground rule that he must break off ALL contact with the OW.
If for whatever reason she feels the need to come around looking for him again (still can't believe her audacity on that one)remind her there are such things as restraining orders This is the same woman who asked if there was anything she could do to help your M right? Don't you just want to smack her!? Heck I'd do it for you...how two-faced can a person be?
Just wanted to add how sorry I am for what you are going through. I know it has got to be hard for you. Give yourself time and try to do somethings just for yourself right now. I hope you have a good support system around you.
Please heed Gels advice
As for how you feel right now, you're going to go through a gammet of emotions, hurt, anger, depression etc. Go through it, don't try to shut the feelings out, don't try to stifle them...go through them and get it out.
The only way to truly heal is to go through all of the stages of healing. This is a large one. Maybe you could see the C on your own to talk through everything that is going through your head and heart at this time and she can guide you through this healing/dealing process.
Again my heartfelt sympathy for where you are in your journey of life.
Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts. I have been doing alot of soul searching and realized that if I stay I am not being true to myself. I can't deal with all his lies...and there have been many and I am finding out more and more, it is truly unbelievable. I have decided to end my marriage as scarry as that is. I need to be happy and not have to worry all the time. I am going to take some time for ME and attend regular therapy sessions and hopefully one day things will be good again.
I'm so sorry to hear that you are finding out about more lies, and that you are feeling the way you are.
I know it can't be easy finding out that your H has been lying to you, what the nature of those lies are I don't know, but it can't be pleasant if you have decided to end your M over them.
Do you still feel he's going through a MLC? Do you feel if you put your foot down that he might listen to you at all? And here's a toughie...do you think your leaving will affect him, or do you think it's what he wants?
Remember Confused, you have friends here...even if we are only in the cyber world, we do care about what happens to you. Please don't just disappear, continue to check in and let us know how you are doing.
And...if you decide ending your M isn't what you want to do, and you need people to listen to thoughts/ideas or give suggestions...you know where to come.
Hang in there hon, things WILL get better for you.
Gel: At this point I don't even know what is truth and what is lies anymore, there have been so many. Last night I found out that he had a one off with my best friend, I think for me that was the icing on the cake.
I will be hanging around and hopefully I will learn a thing or two from everyone about how not to make the same mistakes in my next relationship...if there ever is one.
Ouch, that had to hurt....being betrayed by both your H and your best friend.
Well you know what...you're going to be a better woman when you come through all of this, trust me you will.
You concentrate on that little girl and be the best mom you know how to be....but make sure to take some time for you too right now, it's very important. Go out and do some things you enjoy too, take your daughter to the zoo...make sure to do some fun stuff.
Listen...if you need someone to just vent to in order to get things out, get them off your chest feel free. If you don't want to put things on here (and believe I thinks we've heard/seen just about everything here) please know I'd be happy to give you my e-mail just so you know someone is listening.
But please, please feel free to post any hurts, angers, vents...on here. You'll be suprised what sympathetic people there are here and how supportive they can be...when you really need it.
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I have learned so much about myself in the past month, things about my strength and courage, I have found that I am alot stronger than I thought I ever was. In the begnning I actually thought that I could work past this and that we could get on with our lives but I now realize that I would be living a lie as this goes against all of my morales and beliefs. I need to be and stay true to myself.
This is the same woman who asked if there was anything she could do to help your M right? Don't you just want to smack her!? Heck I'd do it for you...how two-faced can a person be?
