Cog, Steve. Thanks so much for stopping by. You both have been so faithfull and strong in your support of your spouse's and your M and are incredible people for that.
Had a really good time last night with my female friend, "B", Geneva, Jill, and Brian and a friend of Jills whos name is ironically the same as my X's new lover, lol. It seems that me and "B" have agreed to continue are friendship without any expectations or commitments other then the fact that it is not exclusive and that complete honesty will dictate where it gos. Stopped by the X's this morning as she was going to work a bit today but she eneded up not having to go after all. Her high school reunion is tonight and I helped her pick out her dress and shoes for the evening. She looked totally hot and I told her so. I also made a comment about those new found tan lines she was supposed to show me which she did. I ended up making out with her briefly and if the kids had not been home we would likely have ended up in bed. I also noticed that the plague was back again, heh, heh. As she was walking me out before I left I held her and I began kissing her which she recipricated. So it seems there is at least some physical attraction left between us.
So I guess I am slowly backing into the dating world. I still intend to spend time with "B" and take it for what it is and wherever it might go. But it seems possible that I will end up dating my X in the near future also. How wierd. I guess I still havent completely given up hope as unlikely as it seems.
So thats that. Have a bonfire to go to tonight with B and possibly Brian and Geneva will show to. I wish you all continued success in whatever you do. And may beauty ever arise from whatever ashes life serves you. God bless you all and keep you safe!
Is that called going with the flow? I have a coworker who asked me not to flog her but said she thinks STBXH and I will be involved in each other's futures. I laughed. I told her I love my H very much but I don't like the person who is providing so much frustration in my life at this point. She said she thought once all the dust settles that H will finally realize what he has given up and miss that life. She also told me she thinks my outlook will soften a little if I allow myself to find a beau and as an intelligent, attractive, outgoing woman that should be easy for me to do. (I'm looking around here because she can't be talking to / about me.) Okay, yikes!, she is talking to / about me, but that just isn't where I'm at right now and had to tell her so, although...there is a new assistant attorney general I have to work with via phone and e-mail that I'd like to meet. I'd love to see what kind of guy is behind that velvet voice!
Good luck with life...I think your attitude is darn good considering...and....I've got tons of lemonade stockpiled if you need some refreshments. I'll stop by and check on you. I appreciate your posts on my thread, too...I think I'm working through all of it.
Hey Jamesluscious!!!! It was great seeing you and B again. I'm glad you guys are "officially" something? I like her lots!!! You really do seem happier than you've ever been for as long as I've known you.
I'm glad everyone liked my friend. My date for tonight cancelled (SG) because his son got into a bad car accident last night. He totalled his car and SG had to take him another vehicle to drive. Actually, I'm glad I can stay home tonight. Y'all kept me awake pretty late into the night/morning!!! BTW, I was the final euchre champion!!!
It's good to hear you sounding upbeat and to hear that you're out having some fun. I think you're handling the other relationship well by being honest upfront.
You and your family are still in my prayers every night.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. C. S. Lewis
I recently had some requests for an update which is funny since I have been mulling over doing so anyway so here go's.
Seen the X last week while I was watching the kids when she came home for lunch from work. When she left I walked her out to her car and gave her a hug and we kissed briefly 3 times. Went to a local park with her and the kids for a few hours saturday to do the rollerblading bike thing, And sunday went out to her folks house on the lake and spent all day fishing. Nothing major just a nice relaxing time. Watched the kids again monday and when she got home she had to take the kids to her folks so they could watch them tuesday since we both worked that day. Talked a little about maybe watching a movie so after she left I loaded up the dishwasher and went to the video store but the fliks she wanted were out. I got Million Dollar baby instead cuz its a really good movie and we both like Clint Eastwood. Then I decided to leave it there and take off just to give her some space to enjoy a child and XH evening free for a change. Left her a nice note first. First day of soccer practice was Tuesday and I saw her then for a bit. My S was excited about it and the fact that he was moving up a level and would be with some of the other boys that used to be on his team. He also mentioned that mom had told him that soccer dads D was not moving up after all. I know his W was not thrilled about the idea before. So they were not present that day. Small blessing. After what ever happened between them on thier weekend in Chicago two weeks ago I think maybe things have slowed down between them or possibly even halted. But there is another of mommys "friends" from her high school renuion who is coming around now so the trend continues.
Been rethinking the sex with the X issue because of the possibilty that maybe that might help us reconnect but am unsure. Especially after the last time which was a disaster. As she put it the "feelings werent there" and I could tell. Lovemaking between us has almost always been something intense and very satisfying and this last bout was a little scary.
Im also considering staying in the game so to speak, as far as taking the opportunities that come and making the most of them in the hope that someday that spark may reignite.
She seems fairly happy with her sitch and why wouldnt she be? The thing that gets me though is that that plaque I gave her reappeared shortly after the week of her trip and is still there again. Now the family photos I can understand becuase of the kids. But this is something meant entirely for her from me about us. With a picture of just the two of us when we on one of our vacations with the kids. Why would you leave that thing up if you were so thuroughly done with your X spouse? Is it just some wierd momento of a nice vacation? Or that this existed even though it doesnt now? Im not reading to much into this but it do's make me scratch my head a bit cuz it seems to come and go according to her mood or whover happens to be over, heh,heh.
Anyway, mastateflower posted this on Brigets thread so I thought I would copy it here and see what the consensus is on what I should do about the sitch with my X.
"Friendship with the X. Wow great topic you guys have going. I can tell you for myself it just wasn't possible at all. There were really two reasons.
The first is the odvious. It hurt me to much to see him living his live. Every little detail hurt like hell. I constantly wondered what he was doing, if he was happy. It just wasn't healthy.
The second reason is because it's better for them. They have the best of both worlds. Can come in go in your life whenever they want that family feeling, yet get away with not having to do the work. It just continues the selfish behavior. AND it allows them to think that your ok with everything they have done. They can actually tell themselves that you finally accepted the divorce.
As for staying around to see if things change. That's not really good DBing. I think Michele would tell you you have a better chance by going dark and letting them see how life is without you. By being there whenever they decide that want to see you, you just allow them to continue to string you along."
Well there it is. Something more to muddle over,LOL! Thank you Gigi and Brig!
Well take care. Iv tried to post to as many as I could and will try and catch up to those I missed. Bless you all and thanks for the calls Jilly. You really are a queen you know,lol.
Nice to hear from you. Man, I don't quite understand your sitch. It sounds like if you and me could just combine our sitchs somehow, we'd be in perfect shape. Sounds like you and your W had, and maybe still have the chemical passion, but maybe lack the overall R/Freindship package (communication, love, honor, cherish thing). My W and I kind of have the second part, but seem to lack the chemical passion part.
I've heard many stories about couples that D, and then successfully remarried. I don't see why that could'nt happen in your case. What helps me sometimes is to write down the pros and cons. For example, you could hang in there, stay single, keep DBng, and hope that you might work things out. On the con side, if it does'nt work out then..... I've already resolved that I will probably not marry again if my M does'nt work out. It's just too complicated dealing with the extended family thing. It was hard enough with one spouse, let alone an X and a current spouse. That's a position I don't want to be in. So I keep hanging in there and hoping for the best. I'm happy the way my life is and don't see a need to push for anything.
I do miss the sex though.
I've got to run, I'll try to add a few more comments later.
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
I'd love to see what kind of guy is behind that velvet voice!