Deb: Stay calm. Remember you set a deadline of June 1. Be calm and loving, stop asking questions and stop telling him you are afraid. That is her job right now, yours is to be strong, confident and loving. If he blows it or does not follow thru on his promise to end it by June 1 you already have your plans in motion. Who knows why he asked if you were going tomorrow. Could be her could be anything. Stop assuming it is her, cause if it is sweetie, there is nothing you can do anyway. Go tomorrow and have fun...be happy and loving and most of all calm and confident. You cannot make this decision for him anymore than you can stop him from waivering. All you can do is control your reactions and follow thru with what you have decided. You want your marriage, he says he is staying and ending it with her, you gave him the end date of june 1. Make the time until then be effortless for him where you are concerned. Home is happy, you are happy, etc....let her be the nag and the whiney insecure bitch. June 1 will come and you will have an answer and can proceed as you see fit. Breathe Deb.
Continue with your plans. Do not worry about what you can not change. Keep your expections low. Breathe, relax, be happy and enjoy.
You have done what you can here as far as telling your h what you expect from this relationship...ie.."I expect there to only be two of us in our relationship".
I know that you are doubting him. It's understandable. You can not control what he is going to do, only yourself and how you choose to react. Deb, he does not carry the fate of YOUR life in his hands....you do.
I hope things work out well for you tomorrow. Best of luck!
dang, help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got a very terse email from H, saying he wasnt feeling any better and he'd see if his lunch stayed down, and he had to go because he had to do a letter to the court. No mention from him of tomorrow, after I'd said I was planning to go and looking forward to it.
I may strangle him if he backs out. the s--t. that would mean giving up his ce money though, plus his hours for license renewal. this sucks. I am not able to be objective at all.
thanks Debra and Dawn...I know you are both right, It's just so hard to keep my expectations low when he was so "hot" yesterday, and seems so "cold" today.....it has to be some how related to this stuff.
or it could simply be is isnt feeling well (could be due to the stress of the situation) just dont add to it. Assume you are going tomorrow until he tells you otherwise.
If you dont hear from him, maybe sent a short email asking how he is doing is there anything you can do for him or get for him to make him feel better (like medicine or tea, etc. or anything you can pick up on your way home) Stay upbeat and calm. You can do this. Stop buying yourself anxiety. If he says he cant go tomorrow, then you have some thinking to do (unless of course he is throwing up all over the place and very obvioulsy ill)
I sent an email saying i was worried about him, and wanted to help how ever I could, for him to let me know what I could do. I havent heard a word back from him. I did get an email by mistake from the business office that his workshop here in town on June 3 has been canceled. I could email and ask if he got that and ask if I can pick him up anything when I pick up a prescription of my own in a little while.
I would just forward the email. YOu have already told him to let you know if he needs anything to let you know. Dont crowd him. He is either, sick, very busy, dealing with the OW or upset at everything right now. Let him be....... you can give him some TLC tonight at home, just remember to treat it as he is telling you it is, sickness... .nothing more.....offer a nap, asprin, etc, nothing else and no more questions.....
If you can try and let us know if you are going tomorrow so we dont worry and say lots of prayers for a good day for the two of you..... love debra
I am planning to leave for Europe tomorrow for two weeks, but I just wanted to let you know that I'll keep you all in my prayers. I know it's tough - but you can't expect anything at all. But definitely be firm on that June 1st deadline.
H was just here in my office. he said he feels better than he did, but still ill. S is also feeling sick to his stomach, he said when I picked him up this evening, so maybe it is a bug or something.
h said "that's fine" in regard to me going with him, I asked "do you want me to" (bad dbing, I know...at least I didnt say anything else....his response was "how many times do I have to tell you yes"....I did manage to wink at him and tell him I thought maybe 200 would do it. H says he has to leave at 5 am tomorrow, which means S will be alone for 2 hours to get himself on the school bus. I have afterschool care but not before school. so I have my fingers crossed. S is almost 13, but he's never done this before. hopefully he will be feeling ok. that could change everything in a hurry.
I did tell H I was sorry for being so anxious while he was here, he said a couple of times that I "have nothing to worry about"....but he is just tight lipped and grumpy, which is not the kind of response that eases my anxiety.
I swear maybe being separated would be easier. sometimes I wonder.
Maybe the darned ow has enough self-respect to call it quits after she read the emails, I almost doubt it though.
As it stands now, I'm planning to go tomorrow. I sure need all the prayers anyone can say.
I did just forward the email and tell him I wanted to make sure he got it.
