Ok.. lets post the postivies from yesterday... After two weekd without him wanting to get out with me on thursday, yesterday he invited me and we spent a nice nice night with other couple... with that couple we had traveled to italy 2 years ago and we remembered all that great moments and h said something like: too much Sex, great sex!!... 2. I decide inviting my parents in law and my mother to eat today... bc they want always to see children... this kind of invitatios use to be his invitation... so that is a great 180 from me... he cant be here bc he will be in a surgery...but i dont depende also on him for coming... 3- He is affective and gentle when we awake and said by by at motnings...
So... what i dont like 1. He again got slept without saying nothing at all... see you tomorrow , a kiss... nothing... although i have to accept he get slept so tired vieweing TV 2- Something is annoying me... i think we need humor, laughing between us, when we are alone, talking, on car... when we went to that dinner we talked a lot... but at the returning moment, there were no words at all... both listening to the music... when we were lovers, before M, we used to laugh and wnjoy to much together, and alone... we never need other couple to laugh...
So you have a couple of things you'd like to work on. What are some small goals to help you? I have to admit, I'm the type to fall asleep watching TV next to my H.
As for item #2--what can you do to add some humor? I've found that sometimes, even if H is in a bad mood, I can make a joke. And, even if he doesn't respond immediately, it will help lighten the mood. Maybe there's something fun the two of you can do together? Sort of like something you would do on a date?
So... i began this week feeling so unloved... so uncare, so "no important" for my h...!!.. all the weekends receiving from him descalifications, autority voices, claims...!!... there wasnt any I love you, any thanks, any ¿How ws your day?... and bc of that i sent just a few minutes ago a mail to my h... here my words....
Quote: What had happened yesterday is an explosion of everything one takes on the inside, and that has not had to happen in front of the children. I feel bad for that reason but I understand why I exploded. A smile is always expected of me, transports safe and in all hour, inconditional help and support for everybody in house, I cant forget nothing... i feel so happy to be able for all, but sad when i receive a bad responde from my daughter all mornings when i awake her, indifference or dryness from my husband, recriminations from my son... because it has become the norm in home not to value everything what it is received, not to express gratefulness or love by the acts, words or details; the norm is the blaiming, the recriminationsn, the badly humor. I dont want them to get used to answering that way and not expressing the affection, the love that feels by each other. I want them always to thanks coexist with giving, saying I love You, comunicating and compreheson for everybody at home. For that reason I feel bad when my children must always listen dadi demanding something to their mother; I feel bad because my children never listen daddy saying mum something affectionate: I love You, You are Pretty, a simple Thanks felt and with tone of family and love. I can understand your more sincere desire to live in family, maintaining the ideal all living together for for the rest of our lives. I have also accepted your desire to define your true happiness. In that continuous search I believe we all walked, and we worked to find it, because the happiness does not fall from the sky: it is cultivated, is hoarded, it is fed and it is increased. Finding the happiness is more in us than in the others. In learning to give without distrust, to express without fear, sharing without meanness. I do not know in what stage of that inner trip that you decide to do, you are; I do not know either how you feel nor what has changed, gotten worse or improved. I understand that you do not feel open or confortable sharing those and many other feelings, profits, fears or yearnings with the person who loves you the most and alwatys is there to help you, and makes you feel wanted. I want to tell you by mail (that is equal to talking in person since you do not respond anything) that if still sincere desire persists in you to live in family and with me, you must put your sand granite so that ideal can be possible, and that always be possible to improved. I can understand that bothers you the opened deodorant, hot free fat milk even though the world does not finish for that reason and even more a marriage. But i want you to understood that by my side there are also other "stupidities" with which it would enchant to me to coexist: a simple commentary to a photo mounted with the greater affection and sent by mail, a simple question of How you follow of the cystitis? , a small but important hug or little kiss before sleep. Those "stupidities" would make me feel better and give me account me that really you are to my side, that really you take care of me, that really I share a life with another person. I have realized that my children or my friends know more of my projects, my articles, my daily life, my laughter and fears. That receipt more affections and pretty words from all of them. Perhaps Lilian, Leopoldo, your trainer, Alfredo, Ricardo know more of your things, your day, your fears or your dreams. And time is passing, life is going away, wasting beautiful moments for us to laugh, to enjoy and to lean the one in the other. on Friday, day of our son soccer game, the more emphasized commentary between both was: "Your rubbers needs air.. How cant you be care about that!!!. Saturday was a day excellent for correcting me, with the typical authoritarian and contemptuous tone, whenever humor comment i said. Sunday, the same authoritarian tone, or the scent of cigarette that surrounded the computer in which i was working on your fertility brochure. That to name only some of the disqualifications or reclamations done during the weekend, without avoiding the disagreeable discussion about money today in the morning and with which we took leave until tonight, when surely you enter the bedroom, with a simple Hello... and I will be the one that asks how was your day? or tries to print heat to so much coldness. I never listened "You are Thiner" (and yes i am, dressing myself on saturday with a blueyeans didnt fit me since 6 months ago), either "What so, and how my dads enjoy the lunch at home... how they are...?... I am always speaking single, like a crazy person, treating to please you alone, treating to makes you feel happy alone... and alone I feel in fact. I understand that I am more expressive than you. I understand that my raising was different from yours. I understand that I am more affectionate than you. But also I can see very many times the most affectionate daddy, the most expressive, joker of the world. That is to say, it is not that "I am not a man of affections" "I am not expressive", you are but for some reason you close yourself to being that way with me. If you find the reason and is in yourself to make me feel happy, do not waste time and begins, life is very short and the ideal marriage is constructed between two. If the reason you already find it is the necessity of open and make new life to feel free for express love, affection, communicating and sharing your life, do not waste more time: we both deserve to feel happy, peacefully. Finally i want to tell you that I am the one you see and listen. I do not keep mysteries either nor I try to deceive anybody. I smoke and costs me a lot to leave it (yes, although it bothers to you, at this moment I am full of anxieties that do not help nor to let me smoke, nor to sleep either), i am conscious and understands perfectly that it bothers you (which coils me enormously since my best desire is to makes you feel pleased), I am not woman to be pending of the air of rubbers (like a lot of women which is not excuse but evidence that I am not abnormal). All those "Defects" can be finished, corrected, mainly because they benefit me and because you request it. The desire and the conviction that you do not request anything bad or that harms me are in me. But I am human, imperfect and at the same time I am tired, perhaps just a little bit rebellious continuing trying to please to all without receiving support, communication and love. Idiot rebeldy, because the cigarette is going to kill me, not you. Hopefully that final reflection helps me to leave it finally. I will be so happy recewivng from your part a comment about all said here, but also I will have to accept that you prefer to follow shut up: you and only you can make me feel beloved, valued... If silence, monotony and self caring are the unique things you can contribute to the marriage, then you would be saying to me you do not consider a possibility the "Ideal" to live in family. I love you
Hola Andrea - I see we are both former posters back again. Sorry, we both are having issues again
Yo habla un poquito de espanol. Adios
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Many days without wrting, and many changes at home... Since 2 weeks ago my h seems to really wants to work in our marriage... We had been intimate many, many times and always terrific, wonderfull results... he seems to be in peace and enjoying my presence and his family... he is being more comunicative and caring about me... I feel more calm and stable now, i am still working a lot in my M and trying to remember always what i had done bad in the past and what is a crisis all about... I dont know if we are really in piecing, but i am living the present and by this it seems we are there..! i dont know if he is continuiing with his C sessions and i dont know if is a good idea to ask him something about that... i am trying nt to put any R issues at all between us, only working both and expressing him validation and thanks for his acts and changes...!! Just to let you know how i was, with also a lot of work and less time to write... thanks all again, Andrea
Yeah, Andrea, I was just thinking of you yesterday, because there is a small chance I might make it to Venezuela this fall! Let us know how you are doing.
Andrea, How are things going these days? Hope you are doing great - I see that you got into jeans that didn't fit since 6 mo ago - that is great! I need to have that goal ! Faith, Hope, Love, LSL
