Hi Odga, Been a long while since I check in on you last. Sorry about that.
While not up to speed on the particulars, I got the general picture and wanted to chime in to say ... I see some similarities in between your W and mine (CAW). CAW seems to be just as confused/doubtful/fearful as C in what she wants and how to go after it. While CAW hadn't left our home, she has vacillate wildly over the last 2+ years on staying in this M. I, too, have experience the push/pull effect. I've lost count of how many "Dear KAW" letters she has drafted to tell me its over. The last being in May and had sat on her nightstand for two months. Its been a cycle that has occurred so often that I can no longer feel good about when she draws closer to me (again). The only thought that enters my mind now is ... "Yea, so, it won't last."
I have instead started to monitor the "pattern" of the push/pull in hopes it will give me a hint in what direction we are actually taking. Can't say that we're any closer to breaking the pattern yet, but this year I have noticed a shifting in the pattern ... just don't know what it all means yet?! ... but it is tiring. I feel trapped in a time loop and all that means to me now is I know I'm gonna feel hurt again and again ... so I don't feel I have much to look forward to anymore. I've been looking for ways to try to break the cycle, but the only option that I can see at this point that I have control over that brings about a definitive result to breaking the cycle is ... to turn away from M myself ... not an option I want to take (alto starting to ponder if maybe I should) ... so still stuck in a catch22 ... waiting and hoping to find another option. Oi! ... didn't mean for this to turn into a ramble...
I have no wisdom/advise/insights to offer ... just wanted to let you know I relate. Its great that you have the house to keep you busy and stay focused on. I sorry to hear about C's son and my thoughts are on the hope of a speedy and full recovery.
Hey KAW - thanks for your insight - I think that the push/pull thing is a typical pattern for alot of WAS. I too have felt that it would be better from me to jump off the rolercoaster and not go through the hurt again of her pushing me away after pulling me back in, and right now I believe that that is my plan. I will work on the house and me and my business and live life to the fullest and C can do what she wants. I have told her that I would be her friend and I will continue to be one as she needs one. If she reaches out to me for support or friendship I will be there to listen and support. However, she has not indicated that she wants to be my friend (altho she continues to say she wants us to stay friends) i.e. she does not do the things that a friend does.
Been working on arranging my furniture some and getting things in working order - got the Washer Dryer connected and did a load of clothes. Put in some under the counter lights in the kitchen. and finished putting together some base cabinets to use as an Island in the kitchen - gives me lots more under the counter space and I went from 3 drawers to 9 drawers. Got me a pantry but it might not be big enough so I think I will get me another one and also I want to get me one of those pot hangers that go over the kitchen island to hold my pots and pans. I think that would look nice.
Living room has taken shape fairely well but some of my behind the TV wires are packed in one of my many boxes and I can not finish till I find that box (yes I know that I should have marked the boxes with what was inside)
Hi all - update on C's son - He is in the hospital in LA but shoud be released this afternoon and will come back tomorrow.
Not seeing C online this morning led me to believe that she had gone to LA to see him come in (knowing her I though that would be a big possibility anyway) Well, I called her cell, (we both are with Verison and both have coast to coast roaming plans with no longdistance) Well, son answered the phone. Said she was just waking up but that he had been up for awhile. He sounded good and was starting to eat some food now so the worst is over. I talked with him for about 5 to 10 and let him know that he had been in my prayers and I was happy he was doing better. Told him to tell C "hi" and that I would check on him when he got back into town and to take care of himself, then I said that I had to go to court (I did - in fact I called from out in the hall) and then said good bye.
Thanks to all for your many prayers. Keep smiling.
Hey all - another bit of good news - waiting for me in the mail this afternoon was my 3rd class Medical and Student Pilot Certificate - now I am ready to solo. - my instructor said that I should move fairly quickly once I get the medical. now I am looking forward to doing my cross country and some of the other fun things about flying.
Only 2 States left - made it to New Mexico and went through Carlsbad Caverns this morning. took over 3 hours and got my feet tired but it was well worth it. Then went to Roswell, New Mexico and looked through the UFO museum. I then got me a room for the night. I hope to see White Sands tomorrow then on to Arizona tomorrow - I have been to Arizona twice before but never been to the Grand Canyon so I thought I would hit it before going on up to Utah then back through Colorado (my last two states)
Lots of Driving but the country is beautiful and well worth it.
Will try to get more rooms with free internet connections so I can keep posted. (I did not bring the laptop to keep online but to download my digital photos - have not done that yet tho)
Congratulations on the pilot certificate! That is great - I know that takes a lot of time and investment on your part. That is so great!
Also, it was good to check back in and hear that C's son is eating! That is a very, very, good sign for sure - prayers were answered!
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
... but it is tiring. I feel trapped in a time loop and all that means to me now is I know I'm gonna feel hurt again and again ... so I don't feel I have much to look forward to anymore. I've been looking for ways to try to break the cycle, but the only option that I can see at this point that I have control over that brings about a definitive result to breaking the cycle is ... to turn away from M myself ... not an option I want to take (alto starting to ponder if maybe I should) ... so still stuck in a catch22 ... waiting and hoping to find another option. Oi! ... didn't mean for this to turn into a ramble...
