Here are the threads in all their glory from beginning to end.
My StoryUnleash the 2x4's & Let The Beatings BeginStick a Fork In Me, I am DoneAuntie Em, Uncle Henry, Toto, It is A Twister, It is a TwisterIf a Bullfrog Had WingsTwo WAW's Walk Into A BarPlaying Till the Last Whistle BlowsMediation Begins The Good, The Bad, The UglyMediation Begins #2, The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, RevisitedFishing, Dogs and Divorce, Oh MyLandmines, Booby-Traps and Dork Holes Life As A DAMIf I Was A Porno Star My Name Would BeGone Like A Freight Train Give it to Mikey, He will Eat It, He will Eat AnythingHave a Drink on MeThreadapaoolzaCrazy TrainI will Sleep When I DieForget About ItYou Do Not Know What Love IsIt Is The Only One You've GotI Am All That And A Box Of TamponsClowns To The Left Of Me, Jokers To The RightThe Lucky OneGotta Be SomebodyReceiving Total ConsciousnessLet Me Be MyselfRednecks, WalMart, Velvet Elvis, A Hillbilly LifeLooks like I had a visit from the thread police and things got locked up. The threads just keep rolling by. Mind boggling actually. It's FUBAR..A clusterf**K of epic proportions is what I would call it.
Rolled right on through the weekend..Caleigh, good times..Leaf piles yesterday and had a blast with her. Kim actaully called yesterday morning about the where-abouts of her stub nosed .357..wanted to know if I had it..I told her where I last saw it in her house..Dinner with CSR38 last night...looking forward to me time the rest of this week..until Friday anyway..
I'm on my own at work and have actaully been covered up today..A short week here for me and it's gonna suck..gotta do 5 days work in 3.. should be fun.
nothing back from the L's yet.
The song below says it all for me..I do not expect or think that Kim will "ask me to talk" as some other STBX's have requested that of their spouses..
When It's Over-3 Doors Down
You must be happy with yourself
You think you're so much better than meWhy do you love to see me fail so much
'cause on that day you crawl back on your knees
Tell me who will save you
When there's no one else around
And you can't turn to me
Tell me where will you be
When it's over
And all this pride you hold inside
Is gone
Tell me where will you hide
When it's overAnd everything you know is said and done
When it's over, where will you run
Do your memories haunt your dreams
Do they simply seem to have a mind of their own
Tell me what the emptiness brings
When everything you know is everything but gone
Tell me who will save you
When there's no one else around
And you can't turn to me
Tell me where will you be
When it's overAnd all this pride you hold inside
Is gone
Tell me where will you hide
When it's over
And everything you know is said and done
When it's over, where will you run
You can't hold your world together now
Everyone sees who you really are
When your castle crumbles at your feet
Don't you run to meWhen it's over
And all this pride you hold inside is dying
Where will you hide?
When it's over
And all this pride you hold inside has died
Tell me where will you hide
When it's over
And everything you know is said and done
When it's over, where will you run?
Kim actaully called yesterday morning about the where-abouts of her stub nosed .357..wanted to know if I had it..I told her where I last saw it in her house
What's up with that? Do you need a bulletproof vest?
FIRST!!
Nice song! Might be wrong to send it to DH, huh??
Glad the weekend was good. Give serious thought to what I suggested.
SMW
Kim actaully called yesterday morning about the where-abouts of her stub nosed .357..wanted to know if I had it..I told her where I last saw it in her house
What's up with that? Do you need a bulletproof vest?
I've noticed while in the "fog" they have a tendancy to misplace items..Kim did anyway..her call was more of a "did you take it by accident" type call..problem is she moved it from the place she had it and does not remember where she placed it..I found it about a month before I moved out...while snooping
..it's int he walk in closet she said she looked through yesterday...
Think she might want to shoot me??
Kim actaully called yesterday morning about the where-abouts of her stub nosed .357..wanted to know if I had it..I told her where I last saw it in her house
What's up with that? Do you need a bulletproof vest?
Scary thought
ought to shoot her lawyer
BUT just in case, I now know the earmarks of a domestic violence abuser---BCD is not a criteria, at least not according to my textbook.
SMW
HOWEVER Excessive rulemaking and manipulation are. HHHHMMMM
SMW
Hi Mike - I look at your list of thread and it is so similar to mine - just the first 2 or 3 and then we were done.
Kim actaully called yesterday morning about the where-abouts of her stub nosed .357..wanted to know if I had it..I told her where I last saw it in her house.
I too wonder where my X keeps her hand guns. When I returned them to her I wanted her to take the quick access hand gun safe, but she said that she could not be bolting things down in OM's house since it was not her place. I need to remind her that it is vitally important to keep the guns way out of reach of kids. For me, I keep my rifle magazines in the handgun safe. If funds are still around after my payoff, I may get a bad guy remover (Ruger SP101) to keep in the gun safe.
Hi Mike - I look at your list of thread and it is so similar to mine - just the first 2 or 3 and then we were done.
I DB'd Kim pretty hard until she rebombed me..and the MC was not taking at all..and she promised IC and never followed through...My little voice kept talking to me so I knew I was done..
I have a gun cabinet and always kept mine locked up..pistols and all..Kim had her .357 in easy reach since I worked shift work and was not at home early in our M..of course she moved it once Caleigh was born..and now she can't find it..the ammo is not with it and it's not loaded... I checked it before I left..
Glad you checked on the ammo situation, I would be worried for Caleigh if your x made a habit of misplacing firearms...
Happy Monday now go get some work done!
Guns? WOW!! So different than how we are here... I am glad guns are not popular in Greece...
K
What is most often used to kill in Greece? Curiosity....
Mike - You'll like this one. During the whole possibly suicial Gabe situation I asked the broom if she knew where his Glock was. She said, and I quote, "There are no guns in our house." Hmmmmm.....unless he pawned it, there sure are! He has had that Glock for over 10 years. No way did he part with that unless he needed money desperately. I wonder......is he hiding it from her because she doesn't want it in her house? Of course, his service pistol was there when he was still working. What's the difference?
Electronic devices? (see my thread for details) Although lately since the devices have decome smaller and lighter most attepmts fail... LOL
K
a call from the L just now...it appears Kim will not agree to any "notice" given if someone will be with her at the drop off point..and it also appears that the Right of first refusal will only be good if she is gone for more than 48 hours....
I'm pretty pissed right now.. for sure..
my L is advising that a judge will rule in Kim's favor on the "notice" issue unless I can prove that the ones coming with her pose some sort of hazard to me..
and he's saying he does not know how a judge will rule on the Right of first refusal time issue..
so I made a decision to take the ROFR 48 issue as good.. and just let go of the "notice" issue..
I will be divorced at 9:00am in the morning..
Everyone just have a drink..for me..say a toast..to the future..to what's been gained..
hey Brian or Ian..a phone call would be good tonight maybe..
Whoa!!!! 9am tomorrow??????
I don't blame you for being pissed. You are going to accept the 48hours on ROFR? Mine is 4 hours!
Sorry Mike,
I dont know what ROFR is but can it be that bad?
xxx
K
Mike--
The ROFR for 48 hours gone is CRAP and I cannot believe your L is not backing you up on it. I am telling you, the whole drop off notice thing could be alleviated with my suggestion.
Do you only want to hear from testosterone-based voices, or will The Jersey drawl help? I am always available if you need me--Lord knows you have taken a few of my calls.
OH FYI, get into the alt universe and send me the address to ship cookies to. Do you like peanut butter fudge? Ian and my bro need to, too. I will start baking this coming weekend.
L
The Right of First Refusal (ROFR) means that if the parent that has the kids cant be with the kids for a certain amount of time, then the other parent should be asked first to have the kids instead of grandparents, OP, friends. 48 hours seems to be quite a long time.
Sorry to hear about the latest Mike.
I will be officially divorced hopefully this week too.
ROFR = Right of First Refusal - Basically, if Kim is going to be gone from Caleigh for more than 48 hours then Mike has the right to demand that Caleigh is with him instead. In my papers I had it written for 4 hours!
I see why you are pi$$ed, Mike. That sucks. H and I just talked over the weekend and he said even if there is an evening I have class or he needs to meet with a client, we would each give each other ROFR. Of course, that was not 'official' for us....things change when lawyers get involved, huh.
Chin up, thinking of you. Maybe it is good that you have a heavy workload tomorrow....
I verbally asked for an overnight absence regarding the ROFR. Of course this is just verbal right now but I intend to put that on paper.....don't know if it will fly.
You and Kerry will be divorced by the end of the week....I don't know how I will feel when that happens to me but I am happy for you guys.
I forgot to add (((((((Mike)))))))) Hugs to you buddy!
The ROFR for 48 hours gone is CRAP and I cannot believe your L is not backing you up on it. I am telling you, the whole drop off notice thing could be alleviated with my suggestion.
it's clear that she is not interested in me having any more time than what has been negotiated. My L really has no idea how that would come out if it went before a judge..
she will not go for the drop off thing Laura..why would you think she would accept me having Caleigh an extra night when she won't give on 48 hrs. notice for the ROFR??
Maybe it is good that you have a heavy workload tomorrow....
I think the work load was just blown all to crap with a 9:00am court date..
and anybody that wants to call can call..
Hey Mikey..
I think the cavalry will be a callin' you tonight..
You are a doll, sweetheart, loving man and incredible father.
*hugs*
Sorry SMW....
Didn't mean to steal your glory..
.
Think she might want to shoot me??
Nah....
Just kinda shocked me reading it. I was WAAAYYYY paranoid for a little myself as my W is soooooo into money. Before the bomb, I had changed the beneficiary of my life insurance to the kids to be doled out by a trustee as needed for their livelihood in the event of my untimely demise. I made sure that she was aware; because I knew something wasn't right about a month before the bomb.
Even then, I took my 9mm and the ammo and kept it in my "man purse." It goes with me everywhere. Not that I'm scared of her; but maybe I watched too many Lifetime movies and too many of those "Snapped" documentaries.
They don't call me marriedCrazy for nothing!!!
BTW, sorry you couldn't get what you wanted in drop offs and that ROFR blows; but you're doing what you need to do. I wish you well my friend.
(((Mike))) sorry about the notice thing the FROR is standard. You should have that if she has to get her nails done...its your right as her FATHER.
Latest and greatest as of 8:40PM..
well I'll admit at 2:30 today with the L's call I did take a little punch to the gut. The 9:00am tomorrow court date did make me a little sad. I decided I had a choice to make, I could either curl up in a little ball then and there, withdraw, cry or do any number of sad things...or I could do what I do best..GAL..so I changed clothes and hit the gym. I finished there, called a friend to inform him. I sent Mikeshairsytlist38 a text letting her know and got a nice response back from her. I then came home and initiated a phone call to Kim to try and get her to lower the hours on the ROFR. I explained my position and why I wanted the wording to be for any time more than 24 hours..Kim is dead set on 48 but I feel she could do a last minute agreement in the morning.
Now..for what was said...Kim said more of the same..she attempted to justify her position. I let her know how I felt about those justifications and how I felt what she said was not true. She apologized for all this, for the D, she cried on the phone..I told her I did not want nor accept an apology for something that a MC had said could be saved. I told Kim she quit. She quit on me, she quit on her, she quit on Caleigh. I was and have been calm and collected all night and expect the same in the morning. Kim has also said she will give me notice from now on when someone will be with her when she brings Caleigh but won't put that wording in the papers and justifies that by saying Caleigh might find the papers and read them one day and see that things were not exactly amicable.. I do not believe she will give me any notice.
to that I responded, "it's our job as parents to make sure she never sees the D papers".. Imagine that
There was no reason it could not have been saved. I'm convinced and know in my heart that there was no reason.
I have elected not to inform my mom and dad, or siblings that this will take place tomorrow. I would rather my mother's Thanksgiving not be ruined.
I fixed a nice Rib Eye, sweet potato fries, a big salad..tonight. I'm now enjoying a beer..
I'm calm, I'm in a good place. I've talked with Kathleen and Kathleen hears the calmness in my voice. She even commented on it
this is the end but it's also a start..a new beginning.
now guys..do me a favor..say a prayer for Brian tonight..you pray for him, you pray for his W, you pray for their M, you pray for their kids.
you raise a glass for me..
and we will be good..
I'm into work really early in the morning, then out for a court date..then back to work..gas man commith tomorrow sometime to fill my gas tank at home..then a ballgame with my dad to see little Bros' high school team...
I feel I did all I could, I feel I had no and was given no choice. I feel I left no stone unturned. I feel there will be no last minute talks, theatrics, or drama. I am at peace.
it is what it is
{{{{{Mike}}}}}
You know my big brother is always in my prayers.
I have read almost everything you have posted through all of this and you have handled it with grace, dignity, and a sense of humor. Love you, my friend. I am sorry it ended this way but am proud of you for being who you are.
"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7
SMW
Hey Mike,
For what it is worth, I always considered a divorce to be a legal excercise. I know you did all you could....one never knows what the future holds. Concentrate on you, your daughter and your loved ones as much as possible and the rest should fall into place.
"There was no reason it could not have been saved. I'm convinced and know in my heart that there was no reason. She quit on me, she quit on her, she quit on Caleigh."
I hear you....i think many of us on these boards feel the same way.
"you raise a glass for me."
I am off to the fridge to open up a beer bottle....the first in my apt. If anyone deserves it, you do....plus I think that the pizza I had for supper was a little salty. By the way rib eye is my favourite cut of steak.
I am not sure I know who Brian is......
Have a good night my friend and a calm morning.
Hey Mike, if you need a laugh head over to the train-wreck for the latest episode of "F*cktards Who Were Allowed to Spawn!"
Laura,, I know you attempted to call.. I was on the phone with someone else and could not get to it..Maybe later tomorrow night??
"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7
sometimes I wonder about that ..did I fight the "good fight" Did I try hard enough?? I feel I did..I wonder one day if I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did.. I guess I wonder if that will ever be revealed to me..
I am not sure I know who Brian is..
Racefan..
the steak was good..
I'm good John..
I'll come over..train wrecks are us..
(((((((Mike)))))))))
Did you know it could even be tomorrow? omg...
I know that you will probably be getting lots more calls tonight, so I will wait...but please know that you are in my thoughts. You can call me on my cell anytime over the next few days - I'll keep it on me.
You did try hard enough. Be sure of that. Own it.
And when you reflect on Thursday, look at all that is RIGHT in your world - little Caleigh, your family, your friends, your home, your social life, having a job, etc.
You are loved, please remember that.
Laura,, I know you attempted to call.. I was on the phone with someone else and could not get to it..Maybe later tomorrow night??
You call when you need me. The phone is always on and there is always one right next to me.
"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7
sometimes I wonder about that ..did I fight the "good fight" Did I try hard enough?? I feel I did..I wonder one day if I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did.. I guess I wonder if that will ever be revealed to me..
Yes, you did. Unfortunately, some walls do not have enough time to come down. Sure, Jehrico only took seven days, but look how many people were marching around it.
Just keep loving the princess and being an awesome daddy. She will see the papers one day and she will know who quit.
SMW
Did you know it could even be tomorrow? omg...
no not really
I know that you will probably be getting lots more calls tonight, so I will wait...but please know that you are in my thoughts. You can call me on my cell anytime over the next few days - I'll keep it on me.
I'll yell sometime..
And when you reflect on Thursday, look at all that is RIGHT in your world - little Caleigh, your family, your friends, your home, your social life, having a job, etc.
Oh I'll be thinking about what's been gained.
and I know I am..I can feel it.
(((((Mike))))))
Goodness Mike. Such a sudden stop to something that has been coming for so long. I'm sorry that the reality is hitting with a fierce jab, but I know you are strong enough to take it.
You have handled yourself so admirably through all of this batchittcrazy! You have been a steady rock.
I understand the self-doubt, the personal demons that fly through your head asking if you have done enough, telling you that you didn't. They are just that, demons. Put them behind you and be you. Be the best dad in the world for Caleigh. Love her with your whole being. That is the most important gift you can give to the world Mike, a little girl that adores her daddy and grows up to understand that she can give that love back to the world.
You are a very special man Mike. You do so much for so many through your charm and wit and yes, even your 2x4's. Like I said on my thread to you, you are welcome to come down here to Hotlanta any time and deliver those 2x4's in person! The door is always open for you, my VOR!
You have messages on FB by the way.
((((Mike)))) Have no doubts or fears that you didn't put up enough of a fight, because you did. She just chose not to join you in that fight. That is on her.
You are a great dad and a special man and next time you will be with someone who realizes what wonderful things you have to offer and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Ms. Caleigh is a lucky lady and you are teaching her how to love and have faith and fight for what you believe in, even if you always don't win, the wisdom gained from the fight is often worth the battle.
Take care and thanks for coming over to my little slice of hell, hopefully it took your mind off of your stuff for a minute.
((((Hugs))))))
So the movie Jerry Maquire comes to mind this morning..in my work life and personal life..
with my buddy retiring
and
a divorce in minutes
I feel like that cute little kid with the spiked hair and glasses sitting in the cab of that truck when he and his mom were about to move to San Diego..the kid looks straight ahead, unemotional, as Jerry tells him goodbye..
The kid says, "go, just go"
so I say to Kim..
"Go...just go"
Good morning Mike,
Sounds like a full day ahead for you.
Kim was gone a long time ago. Today is just a legal excercise. It does not change anything about your past together nor does it neccesarilly put an end to your future. Be strong....you have alot to offer and alot going on. Today is the start of the new Mike...who knows who will star in the next chapter?
Do we need to start with possible names starring in the next chapter?
Mike, you will be fine, you ARE fine. It's Ok to be sad today, I think.
xxx
K
{{{{{Mike}}}}}
Good morning, bud! Phone lines are open--call if you need.
Like John said, this is all logistics.
Kim's tears of regret are more of a pity party. She chose this and is only now fully realizing what she did and what she let go. Her loss.
SMW
Mike (((()))) thinking of you. You will truly be fine. It's just a full stop at the end of a chapter. I am sure there will be better,happier and exciting chapters once you have turned the page.
No matter how you slice it, what you call it, it still sucks and it still hurts. Even when you did all you could, it still sucks.
Thinking of you this morning, and I will throw out a prayer for you and for Brian....glad you are still in contact with him.
Hugs to Caleigh
((((Mike))))
Just wanted to stop by and give you a hug. I hope things go ok this morning.
Hey Mike..
Hugs, waves and warm fuzzies to you.
You're the man and the daddy.
*hugs*
((((Mike)))))
I've been thinking of you and praying for peace in your heart and mind for today.
I hope court went ok.
Mike
Just thinking about you again. Checking in on ya...
Mike,
Did not know your last thread locked. Hope all went well today and that you are ok.
Tim
good morning all...or early afternoon if you will.
"go, just go"
that was the start, it popped in my head this morning. I always felt sorry for that Kid and wondered how he could just say that with "no emotion" It all turned out "happily ever after" in that movie...with "you complete me's" and "you had me at hello, you had me at hello" and so it began..
I had a nice text on my cell from "the kosher connection" in West Tennessee...that was nice man..it was calming and yes, it is ok to feel today. I happened to be reading that text when my cell phone went off....the ringtone just happened to be circus music....yes..Kim's ring is "Circus Music"..so the convo went like this...and this is a disclaimer for all you looking for some magic...there was none, there was no last second slow down, there was no reprieve..there were no regrets..so on with the convo....Kim said she wanted to talk with me about Caleigh, tomorrow and Thanksgiving..now, I have Caleigh from 9-3 for Thanksgiving..no more, no less so here we go..Kim asked me If I wanted to pick Caleigh up after daycare tomorrow, keep her over night and bring her back to a different drop off place on Thursday at 6:00pm..Kim is having surgery tomorrow on her knee...so I'm wondering what's up..what's the catch, why this when she has a problem with the ROFR being less than 48 hours..why today?? so I figure..she's throwing me a bone..she's throwing the dog a bone to keep the dog calm for what is coming in 30 minutes...
after talking with cornfed..I now believe she only threw me a bone because it benefitted her..because of her surgery..so now I feel like maybe I'm a doormat..more for me to think about..
I arrive at the courthouse and remove all sharp objects and knives from my person
enter the place, get through the metal detector ok and meet my Lawyer to sign the papers..Of course, we are not on todays docket but the judge does say he will hear it..last...so we sit through a long docket sounding for mostly jury trials, then sit through child support cases where lots of guys are in arrears..the regular divorce cases..all taking 10 minutes to hear..finally it's me, my L, her, her L..no eye contact between us at all with the exception of one time when Kim was on the stand..she had to face me, she had to "see" what she was doing one final time IMO...
I don't think it's fair that someone can walk in to a court room, get a divorce from someone and one party not have to be there..anyway..
she answered simple questions..has everything been split fairly, is the child custody/visitation fair..how long where you married..etc..etc..etc...before every answer she gave, she paused for dramatic affect...she answered that all was good, but paused before every answer like it was not really that good..I saw her lips quiver a couple of times..but no tears..and I think no sorrow..
with all that, a drop of the gavel, a "good luck to you both" from the judge..it was done..it took maybe 8 minutes..at most..maybe less
then my L informs me he must be in court 40 miles away..I can get a copy of the papers there if I'll wait or he can mail them..I tell him I'll wait..he asks Kim's attorney if she will get me copies also..she agrees.. I wait another 20 minutes..Kim's L brings me the papoers and attempts to engage me over just a few issues that are left over..Kim on my insurance, Kim owes me a little cash due to the difference in the mortgage amount and child support..I'm still paying the house payment and Kim's refinance won't be done until the 12th..she says..Kim is still paying for all the car insurances..so those need to be split..I found it odd that Kim's L was talking with me about these things especially since Kim and I were now divorced and Kim's L really has no standing at the moment..
a drive back to work..lunch..and a little work left to do then I am out for the day..gas man sometime..then a ballgame with my dad..
to all of you who checked on me, thanks for that.. to all who have prayed..thanks..to all who have picked me up when I was down..thanks..
I really hope one day I can meet some of you.
and with that..it is done..
now say a prayer for Brian/Racefan..do not worry about me..say a prayer for him..
That's the way I'm wired..
"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7and with that..I can now feel..at work of all places work is not a good place for tears..
and I forgot to add, "I looked damn good, really good"
and that may just be my best post ever..
Well, you know what they say, "It is better to look good than to feel good" (Old Saturday Night Live reference).....
So at least you looked good...
Don't consider it a doormat consider it an extra overnight with Caleigh, who cares why you get it just enjoy it. Heck maybe the surgery will keep kim hobbled for a while and you can have more times like this with Caleigh.
Take care buddy
{{{{{Mike}}}}}
I am proud of you. Knowing what Kim had put you through, I knew there would not be a last minute reprieve. I am just glad that, even though it was to her benefit, she asked you to keep Caleigh and you will get extra time with her.
Even if you had no tears, I am sure I had enough for all of us. As I told Amy this morning, how is it possible to care so much about people you have never met?
I am up for a meet and greet in OBX whenever you are. I spoke with my big brother this morning and got filled in on the situation there. Lots of prayers flowing for him and his right now. Also glad that the transplanted Jersey boy had a good word for you this morning.
Talk to you soon, dude! We all love you dearly for all that you do for everyone. Take care of you.
SMW
Way to go Mike. Great ending. I might consider the "Circus Music" ring tone myself. Right now it is a recording of my daughter saying "Daddy answer the phone".
Mike,
i think its time to lock this thread and start a new one.
good luck on this chapter. you've got all of us here to help you write it if you so choose.
and I'd feel like a doormat if it gives me more time with my daughter.
Mike,
After following you for a while I probably did not truly understand the emotions running through you today. I took it fro granted that Mike is a rock and he will handle this without any problem whatsoever. I tried to relay my take that this is only legal....but symbolically it means more than that....just like a holiday is just another day....we still let our emotions get the better of us. You know what, I apologize for trying to reduce the emotional aspect in your sitch and Kerry's. I reread your thread and I now realize that today was a tough day....BUT it looks like you have passed with flying colours. The first day of the rest of your life.....
I'm glad you were looking like your FINE self Mike!
I agree with BBJ, take the extra time with Caleigh with no questions asked. You deserve the time, who cares WTF Kim's motivations are? It's great that you get to have her with you.
Kim will realize what she's done some day Mike. She will realize that she let a wonderful husband and father go and for what? Some elusive idea of freedom? Her problem - You are a go getter and an all-around super guy. I have no doubt that you will spring back better than ever from this chapter of your life.
I will keep Brian in my prayers and thoughts. I really don't know anything about his situation but I will try to read up and catch up.
Funny how each state has such different requirements in D.
GA doesn't require anything to be done in front of a judge if everyone comes to an agreement on paper. They just file it with the court and the judge signs it and returns to the L's. That's it. Sad.
Mike,
After following you for a while I probably did not truly understand the emotions running through you today. I took it fro granted that Mike is a rock and he will handle this without any problem whatsoever. I tried to relay my take that this is only legal....but symbolically it means more than that....just like a holiday is just another day....we still let our emotions get the better of us. You know what, I apologize for trying to reduce the emotional aspect in your sitch and Kerry's. I reread your thread and I now realize that today was a tough day....BUT it looks like you have passed with flying colours. The first day of the rest of your life.....
hey John..I'm acting "as if" and showing I'm "tough and a little vulnerable" it draws the ladies in..
can ya help a brother out???
That's the way it was here too Mishka. No court. Just sign the papers and it was done in 30 days.
Glad you made it through ok Mike. The extra time with Caleigh will be good. Whatever her motives are...you will have your sweet little girl with you longer.
Mike, been seeing you post on other threads for awhile but never got caught up on your sitch. Something led me here today, of all days, to read up on you and how you were doing.
I've got to say that you sound peaceful, calm. It is a good feeling and if what I sense is true, hold onto it. You deserve some downtime after all of the hell that you have been through. You have reached the light at the end of the tunnel. Tired and dirty, yes, but you are there, with pride, strength and honor intact. Take some time to reflect on what you learned, then get on, getting on.
Oh yeah, and I agree with what others said about time with your D, who cares what W intentions are, it is time with the kid. For my sitch, I asked me W to please check with me first if she ever needed someone to watch the kids while they were with her. It will save us money and give me irreplaceable time with my children.
Good job Mike! I'll still say a prayer for you. I remember how I was on my D day. Was a long day!
then....
A friend dragged me out that night (A friday) and I met a VERY good looking blonde!
Still, I will say some prayers in hopes that you get on a speedy (albeit bumpy) road to being TOTALLY good!
Everything has been said. Keep walking and take it slow...
Love & xxx
K
Mike, been seeing you post on other threads for awhile but never got caught up on your sitch. Something led me here today, of all days, to read up on you and how you were doing.
Thanks for stopping by..if you tried to catch up on my sitch..really catch up..then you must be a speed reader brother..I'm around 30 threads in..I lock em fast..
I must be popular
I've got to say that you sound peaceful, calm. It is a good feeling and if what I sense is true,
what you see is true..people here, who have talked to me personally, heard my voice..they know it's true..I've had a few here who may have actually used "Jedi mind tricks" "Vulcan Mind melds" and assorted torture aids to bring me out of the pits of Damsville and get me to see the light
..problem is once you "get this" then it's latches on like a tick and it's hard to go back to what you were..if there actually is a going back...
And to all who have posted I appreciate it..it's sort of mind numbing now to answer every single post..and I have an 83 year old impatient father who happens to be waiting on me to pick him up for a ballgame...
I'll be back later tonight..
and Mish..I got all your info..thanks..
Enjoy the ballgame buddy!
Hey Mikey..
You're a jewel and a star with just enough twang to make it all the more inviting.
Thanks for being here for me, all the folks you care for. It's a beautiful thing to connect and thanks to you it's a gift you've given to others.
Brian is in my prayers as you are just for the heck of it.
*hugs*
after talking with cornfed..I now believe she only threw me a bone because it benefitted her..because of her surgery..so now I feel like maybe I'm a doormat..more for me to think about..
I don't know about that Mike. After your convo with her the other day it may be something completely opposite of what you think.
IMHO sometimes when the battle is coming to an end, you step back and realize that all you have been doing for so long is fighting. Maybe it is time to mend instead.
She didn't have to offer, she could have made other arrangements. I believe what you said to her the other day may have just made her think some. Yes, it benefits her, it also benefits you. You get time with that little angel of yours that she didn't have to give you.
Also, not for nothing and no offense to cornfed, but his current situation lends him to point out the negative rather than look for the possibility of progress.
and with that..I can now feel..at work of all places work is not a good place for tears..
A fine man named Patton once said that after every battle he would take time to sit, reflect, and feel. He said that after every battle he would shed tears, tears for the men he lost, tears for the men who fought for the enemy, but mostly tears that it had to come down to a battle with casualties.
Your battle is over, your marriage was a casualty, Caleigh is a casualty, AND......
Everything and everyone will be ok.
I am glad you are feeling it Mike, it shows your integrity, commitment to your marriage vows, and what a genuine man you are.
I am here if you need me.....
Ian
She didn't have to offer, she could have made other arrangements. I believe what you said to her the other day may have just made her think some. Yes, it benefits her, it also benefits you. You get time with that little angel of yours that she didn't have to give you.
you really think that is the case Ian?? Something I said made her think?? I mean..if that is the case then it gives me hope that at some point this won't turn into some big pile of chitt we will be wading through forever..and we actually might be able to co-parent..
Hey, you were going to bed!
Maybe it was something similar to what X did with me, giving me Thanksgiving this year when it was his...I don't know why, I don't care, but I am happy that it happened!
'Night...have sweet dreams of the better tomorrow.
I know..I was..blackberry cake with a big glass of milk called my name..now mikeshairstylist38 is texting me..
I can't let a girl down now can I??
duty calls..
Blackberry cake???? That sounds really good! How do you make that?
and this is a disclaimer for all you looking for some magic...there was none, there was no last second slow down, there was no reprieve..there were no regrets..
Yup mister. Same here. From Day 1 of mediation, xH never ever wavered. Wow. Weird stuff, ain't it?
Sorry about your day. You fought the fight, you truly did. Also remember, that you could have been hurtful and hateful in many instances but you weren't. Our children are a very good way to humble us and to remember to keep peace whenever possible.
Blackberry cake???? That sounds really good! How do you make that?
mish..that's my big sister's thing..I do not bake...I cook good enough, so I won't starve..
it's pretty good..I can get the recipe if you want??
Once again thanks to all who are posting to me with all the nice words, compliments and encouragements..I apprecaite it..
so I pick my dad up yesterday and head to the ballgame..we stop and eat on the way there...I never thought about it yesterday while I was with dad but remembered that he never spoke a negative word while i was with him....very unusual for him..I wonder if that was the the good lord helping me out a little by making dad a little more "funny" and positive?? I'll admit after the drive to the restaurant I was spent, I was drained...we went in and ate....it was funny..the waitress we had hung out around our table a lot..Dad made a big deal about it..commented and laughed about how she was hitting on me. I was nice and cordial but in all honesty she could have rubbed it all over me and I think I would have passed
, or maybe passed out
...anyway..ballgame, bro's team loses by 5 in OT. get back home talk on the phone some to a few different people. lots of texting with mikeshairstylist38 and a possible date for Friday night. then peaceful sleep. alarm goes off this morning, I stand up, take a step and with that.....it begins
my life
oh and by the way..anybody who would like to start us back down into the 7th level of hell please feel free to do so.. after all we are past page 3..
Hey Mike..
What is it with men and their late night snacks? Is this usual?
Good to see you doing what you do... that Mikey thing.
*hugs*
What is it with men and their late night snacks? Is this usual?
It was practical..I was hungry..of course the one beer I had before the cake may have been unusual..especially since it was only one..
I'm still going..I really have no choice..and I'm still calm
ahhh Mike. i'm sending virtual strength over to ya.
i really dont know what you must be feeling right now. I'll learn it when my day comes. but from our outside perspective you're doing great and you're a very strong individual. we all have so much respect for you, and appreciation for how much you've freely given each of us.
your words have helped me more than you can imagine. your 'prodding' has led me to think about things i never would have gotten to on my own.
thanks, and best of everything in these coming days.
ahhh Mike. i'm sending virtual strength over to ya.
i really dont know what you must be feeling right now. I'll learn it when my day comes. but from our outside perspective you're doing great and you're a very strong individual. we all have so much respect for you, and appreciation for how much you've freely given each of us.
your words have helped me more than you can imagine. your 'prodding' has led me to think about things i never would have gotten to on my own.
thanks, and best of everything in these coming days.
I'm good buddy..I'm still positive as I can be for the things I'm going through..
I'm working today. I'm untangling some things Kim and I were tangled in..car insurance and things like that..
I still have moments where a tear comes in my eye..but I've been preparing for this for months..it was not unexpected.
I'd be lying if I said I did not wish that there would have been some "moment of lasting clarity" which would have engulfed Kim just before the judge lowered the gavel..I mean you read about it here occasionally...that's "fairy tale' stuff that does not happen much..
Kim's pride kept this going to it's finality..
I'm still around..I can't leave these sorry messes here to fend for themselves..they will whine and cry that they miss me
and Ken..I'm feeling all that a normal person would feel..the full range of emotions..sad, happy,excited, melancholy, blessed, introspective..you name it, I feel it and am embracing them all..
it's ok for me to feel..
Mike -Sounding as I imagine it will be for me sir. Think we all deep down hope they have that final minute moment of clarity but the reality, as you know, is that is highly unlikely.
You sound like your doing fine considering bruv and do hang around as I'll need you when it's my time I'm sure.
I will have a beer for you tonight mate
Take care
You are certainly an enlightened man! You should teach classes or something for all the DAM's out there.
I would love the recipe for the blackberry cake please! I'm not a great baker, fantastic cook, but baking is not my forte. I'm working on it. Gotta be the whole package at something!
ah yes, pride. the killer of opportunity. i believe its that same pride that doomed any chance of my STBX working to save our R. same pride that prevented her from admitting any fault in our difficulties.
there is so much to feel. and thats something that i've been missing for so long that i didnt even know i was missing it. sure, i felt boredom, some murky depression, but the sharp feelings of pain, the surprise of happiness, the fun shock of catching a beautful womens eye - those i feel now. and even though it hurts, i'll take it. the good outweighs the bad on most days.
and no matter what, i now know that the bad will be followed by the good. so even during the bads, i have something to look forward to.
I will have a beer for you tonight mate
pick something good..and I'm sure it will be something I've never had..you guys like the dark beers right??
Hey Mike. Thinkin of ya buddy. Hope you get to knock off early and enjoy the evening...
You pick up Caleigh tonight, right?
Mike,
I didn't get a good chance to post yesterday, Santa Mom was in the house overnight. But I wanted to say that I'm glad you can move on now. I read here all the time as I know this is where I'm headed; but you're strong and you're a great father for Caleigh.
Now I'll help move this to the 7th level!!!
Take care bro.
Mish..I'm working on the recipe..so more interesting stuff..
So this morning as I am attempting to untangle some things with Kim...car insurance..etc..
I called and got the car insurance settled over the phone..and Kim had NFC..as a matter of fact she had told me months ago that the insurance company would require me to switch companies and no longer be with them because I had been grandfathered in on her policy(USAA insurance company for people who have served in the military I believe..she was grandfathered in under her step dad) anyway, it appears after 8 years with them they still want my business
so that's untangled..just after that I get a phone call and it's Kim and it goes like this.
K-It's Kim, Are you having me removed from your insurance today? I will need medicine after my knee surgery and will need to use the insurance card. Before my insurance will pick up and start coverage I'll need paperwork from your saying they have dropped me..
M-no, as far as I know you will not be dropped until I get down there personally and do it and it won't be today. By the way, the car insurance has been separated and I have my own policy
K-oh reallllly, how'd you do that?
M-I called them, had them separate out my cars and USAA me a separate policy.
Do you think you might have time to call the power company and have them switch the power over to your name today?? I can call and verify with them that it is OK with me. There should be no charge, no disconnect no anything..
we hang up.
10 minutes later my phone rings it's is "the artist formally known as Batchitt crazy"
K-I called. There will be a charge, they have to switch out the power box on the house, do a disconnect. They have to send me a form I have to have notarized and you have to OK it..very dramatic here...
M-Hmmm..I've talked to them 3 times and they have not told me that..Must be something new. I'll call and tell them it's all ok with me
...so I call, talk to the same exact woman Kim does..this woman tells me that she did not say any of that to Kim..she told KIm..I'll send you a form, sign it, have it notarized, send it back, tell your ex to call and the switch will be made ...no charge..
imagine that
I call her back and tell her..then hang up
then I have a light bulb moment..
Kim is bad broke..not over this, not by me..but by her past..she grew up in this exact same thing..Kim has to be a victim simply because she grew up and was raised by a victim. Her Mom was molested by Kim's granddad..her mom used guilt as a weapon on her kids, on her neighbors, on her ex-husband, on me, in her business and personal ventures..
In Kim's calls all I heard was, "I'm a victim of these people" and drama, then followed by the guilt trip..I heard that because someone else was in the house with Kim and Kim wanted them to think she was a victim..
so..do you see how relevent my thread title is, how relevent the song is..how relevant the words are??
You can't hold your world together now
Everyone sees who you really are
When your castle crumbles at your feet
Don't you run to me
When it's over
And all this pride you hold inside is dying
Where will you hide?
When it's over
And all this pride you hold inside has died
Tell me where will you hide
When it's over
And everything you know is said and done
When it's over, where will you run?
do I get a DING, DING, DING here?? Did I figure this right??
You've been talking to her more now after the divorce than before - and its only been a day!
Yep, you are seeing her sad to loose her favorite excuse, I think...
I will have a beer for you tonight mate
pick something good..and I'm sure it will be something I've never had..you guys like the dark beers right??
not me boss standard beer for me
wow, just read that song Mike. Man I swear we married sisters. I know STBX dad worked in germany for a bit, her mum didn't travel there did she ????
will post tomorrow about my conversation earlier in the car same battchitt stuff, but almost amusing
yes..I get Caleigh tonight..
and Donna..yes, I am talking to her but it is business as far as I am concerned..I'm trying to get stuff undone while she is talking because I know there will be times that she will be pissed about something and not talk about Caleigh at all..
I'm trying to set the tone for co-parenting at least...and I'm nice and calm..and I'm also rubbing the "new Mike" in her face a bit..ya know, if the changes were not real would I still be where I am, doing what I'm doing? being who I am?? no..I don't think so..I would be the "just got divorced, pissed off exhusband"
Let her see not what's been gained, but what is now missing
damn..I owe you guys here more than you'll ever know..I could frickin cry..
USAA has their "stuff" together on the D stuff. When I called to do the same they had a department dedicated to these matters. As for the health insurance, are you sure about this? When I contacted my insurance provider (large one) they made the "drop" retroactive to the date of the divorce.
Keep doing what you are doing Mike. I'm sure you'll have "moments" going forward but you are sure off to a steady start!
As for the health insurance, are you sure about this? When I contacted my insurance provider (large one) they made the "drop" retroactive to the date of the divorce.
no I'm not for sure..on that..they could make the drop retroactive I assume..is that my problem to fix??..I mean she had to have an idea NOT to schedule a surgery just hours after getting a D..or maybe not..
and USAA was smooth..so smooth and easy..and they took care of me
Hey Steve to answer your question..she is covered until the 1st..so she is still good I suppose..The knee uinjury is a Workers Comp thing so they will pay for it and my insurance won't take the hit..pain meds won't be covered maybe..not for sure..
Hey, Mike...
She might be eligible for COBRA coverage on your insurance; but she would have to foot the premium I believe. And that would be a full cost as well.
Did she have this in the settlement? That you would provide health insurance for her? If not, and you can't be help financially responsible, the COBRA might be available to her for 18 months. Kinda like if she quit her job and had health insurance.
I'm not for sure on this; but it could be worth asking about, if you EVEN care!!
Yes on COBRA, anyone should be eligible, and it normally isn't a standard item they would get in a TN divorce. Doesn't sound like she needs it though.
Who gives a rip though, right?
Your daughter is covered!
Hey, Mike...
She might be eligible for COBRA coverage on your insurance; but she would have to foot the premium I believe. And that would be a full cost as well.
Did she have this in the settlement? That you would provide health insurance for her? If not, and you can't be help financially responsible, the COBRA might be available to her for 18 months. Kinda like if she quit her job and had health insurance.
I'm not for sure on this; but it could be worth asking about, if you EVEN care!!
no..she will not be covered by mine after the 1st..The ACS offers insurance to them and she will pay for her own..
I don't care really. There are a few small Items we are still on together that need to be separate..and that's what I'm doing Untangling.. Insurance is part of that..power bill...most had been previously done..just a few left..
and yes..I have my Daughter on the health..Kim carries my Daughter on the dental
remember I'm a rodeo clown..I've been to one before..
remember I'm a rodeo clown..I've been to one before..
lest I forget....
maybe that's why we like your advice.
Happy Thanksgiving
remember I'm a rodeo clown..I've been to one before..
Mike, have you ever worked as the barrel man?
The one I would never try is rodeo poker...
http://www.spike.com/video/rodeo-poker-causes/2905962
Sorry for the late arrival...had my hands full over here.
Lemon Drop, please. Better make that a double.
Happy Thanksgiving Mikey. Peace.
Keep on keepin' on, you sound really good from over here....
She didn't have to offer, she could have made other arrangements. I believe what you said to her the other day may have just made her think some. Yes, it benefits her, it also benefits you. You get time with that little angel of yours that she didn't have to give you.
you really think that is the case Ian?? Something I said made her think?? I mean..if that is the case then it gives me hope that at some point this won't turn into some big pile of chitt we will be wading through forever..and we actually might be able to co-parent..
You know what Mike, I really do believe in that. I believe that once the day comes there also comes with it the sense of wanting things better. For both of you. Her motives may be different then yours, but she may just want to make things as peaceful as she can for now.
You never know my friend.....
Ian
allright, time to lighten things up around here....
Found this for you........reminded me of you.....
mikes last family reunion Ian
HA! That is priceless Ian!
BMUP!!!
That and the mirror repair...
Is that how the world sees the US? Kalni, Arthur, let us know!
For Ian...
A couple guys were sitting on an airplane. One seemed very nervous; biting his nails, sweating. The other guy says "hey pal, what's the matter?"
"Oh man, I just found out my company's transferring me to Memphis. I'm scared to death".
"Why?"
"I keep hearing how dangerous it is. Crime, shootings, carjackings, gangs. I hear it's not safe to go anywhere".
The second guy says "Oh, it's not as bad as the media says it is. I've lived in Memphis all my life. Here's what you do. Find a nice home, enroll your kids in a good private school and mind your own business. You'll be just fine."
The nervous guy says "well, I guess I can take your word for it. What do you do there in Memphis?"
"Me? I'm a tailgunner on a bread truck".
For Ian...
A couple guys were sitting on an airplane. One seemed very nervous; biting his nails, sweating. The other guy says "hey pal, what's the matter?"
"Oh man, I just found out my company's transferring me to Memphis. I'm scared to death".
"Why?"
"I keep hearing how dangerous it is. Crime, shootings, carjackings, gangs. I hear it's not safe to go anywhere".
The second guy says "Oh, it's not as bad as the media says it is. I've lived in Memphis all my life. Here's what you do. Find a nice home, enroll your kids in a good private school and mind your own business. You'll be just fine."
The nervous guy says "well, I guess I can take your word for it. What do you do there in Memphis?"
"Me? I'm a tailgunner on a bread truck".
Yea Ian..get some of that. LOL..
Ian your such a D**K...man I owe you more than I can ever repay you..you've taught me more in the last year..it's been an amazing learning experience for me..if we ever meet the beers are on me..I may even throw in one of those Hebrew National Hotdogs..
you make me laugh my assss off man..
OMG Ian, LOL, That was good.
Oh, and Mike, Hebrew Nat'ls are DAMN good dogs!
Happy Thanksgiving, guys. Love you like family.
SMW
Donna,
I love you guys and have spent time a lot of time with Texans so I am not very objective. But we do think you are a bit weird and goofy...LOL!!
K
Morning Mike!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
(Sorry, forgot)
K
Dam, can't view the link at work but be sure to tonight as would love to see Mikes family. It's not that group singing 'cotton Eyed Joe ' ? is it ?
Oh and loving the joke, brilliant.
Happy Thanksgiving guys. What a beautiful day here in Upper Northeast Tennessee..clear, no wind, around 57*..it was just excellent..What a great Thanksgiving..lots of good food. with my family and Caleigh..as an added bonus..I made a leaf pile for the kids..4 foot deep..they had a great time..Caleigh was worn out when i took her back..Kim's mom picked her up...and I did not let the wicked witch ruin anything for me...they can kiss my assss..they will no longer ruin me or my days with their crap
.
Golf for me tomorrow..and looks like a date with mikeshairstylist38
..should be fun..
Thanks to all of you for picking me up this year..
Love ya, mean it..
Good job man! Sounds great! I would have loved that leaf pile myself.
Awesome day brother good for you...
Sometimes taking the higher road isn't the easiest but it sure is a better drive...
Thanks for all you do you help more than you will ever know or accept...
You are a true friend...
Brian
Awesome day brother good for you...
Sometimes taking the higher road isn't the easiest but it sure is a better drive...
Thanks for all you do you help more than you will ever know or accept...
You are a true friend...
Brian
sorry I had to hang up on you.. duty calls
very interesting convo with MHS38..very interesting indeed...and she was invited to the 3 doors down concert on Dec. 9th..let's see if she can make that happen..
Oooohhhh....good for you Mike! Interesting convos are great aren't they?
Hope your day has been wonderful Mike. Curious to hear how it went with MHS38. Keep us posted!
OK. Update on the weekend..the date with mikeshairstylist38 fell through on Friday..it seems our kids are now on opposite weekends. I assured her that we could probably come up with a solution if we worked together..So I still have hope on taking her out..I chilled out alone on Friday night eating at the local sushi place and having a few beers.
On the "batchitt crazy" front I called Kim to inquire if I might be able to bring Caleigh back a day earlier next weekend as there is something. I would like to do on Saturday night. I wanted to swap out a day if I could..Kim took offense to my wanting to swap a day since she "let" me keep Caleigh this past Wednesday over night into Thanksgiving(kim's knee operation)..I voiced my Opinion about this and she called me an assholllee and hung up on me..I'm weighing options on what to do here..1. Have my mom watch Caleigh while I go attend on Saturday night. 2. Just take Caleigh back a day early and try to establish something with Kim, thinking that maybe she will soften a bit if I do this..and if she does not then I know not to do it again..3. Just skip the event..
Yesterday trimmed more limbs out of the trees in the front yard..then out with customerservicerep38 my buddy and his wife to a birthday party at a local sports bar..lots of good fun and food..around 10:30 we decided to go to a local club...problem is buddies Wife had took 3 longs pulls off a tequila bottle..on top of chicken wings, shrimp and Coors Light..we will say the movement of the car got her party really started..she heaved along the interstate and we ended up just going home..never made it to the club..we get to my buddies house and customerservicerep38 decides she needs a big asss glass of wine to drink..she drinks the wine then allows she can't drive..she ends up at my place..all night and I get no sleep..not in a good way either..
also..mikeshairstylist38 sends a few texts last night..she was able to get out on Saturday night unexpectedly..but I can't get with her due to the drunks..
what ya gonna do??
back to the grind tomorrow..
Hey Mikey...
Happy leftover Thanksgiving! I feel so blessed to know you.
If Kim rejects her 'right of first refusal' then just do what a single dad would do. Option two is asking for trouble and puts your angel in the middle. Caleigh being able to spend time with her grandma is a good thing, right? It's all about balance and choices.
And heck.. if you were having a good time with your first date, how much would you have cared if mhs38 was able to be free or not?
*hugs*
Sounds like you couldn't win for losing on Sat. night!!!
Better luck next week. If it were me, on the batchitt crazy woman and Caleigh issue; I'd just get your mom to watch Caleigh if she will. She'd probably love to have some time with her; my mom loves the grandkids.
I don't know what to expect from Kim; but I wouldn't want to appear to seem that I'm ducking out of my weekends. ya know what I mean? Not that I think YOU ARE; but who knows what the snakes in Kim's head are telling her about this?
Good Luck
And heck.. if you were having a good time with your first date, how much would you have cared if mhs38 was able to be free or not?
Had a good time with CSR38..just did not want her there all night and have to babysit her too..I have no connection with CSR38..we go out, we have a good time..It's all I want. As long as she stays on that same page then I have no problems..
Sounds like you couldn't win for losing on Sat. night!!!
Better luck next week. If it were me, on the batchitt crazy woman and Caleigh issue; I'd just get your mom to watch Caleigh if she will. She'd probably love to have some time with her; my mom loves the grandkids.
I don't know what to expect from Kim; but I wouldn't want to appear to seem that I'm ducking out of my weekends. ya know what I mean? Not that I think YOU ARE; but who knows what the snakes in Kim's head are telling her about this?
Good Luck
I'm leaning towards my mom..but also wonder if I allow Kim "right of first refusal" if this may establish a better working relationship between us. Kim playing the victim all the time has to be factored in to every decision I make..It;'s the way I feel anyway..I should probably just do what I want..and be done with it. That way I have the control.
I should probably just do what I want..and be done with it. That way I have the control.
I agree with this right here. Do what is best for you and stop worrying about what she wants. You know she will piss and moan about anything you suggest so why put yourself through it. Taking the high road does not seem to help when it comes to dealing with her. JMHO.
Mike, that is rough when the gal you are dating has opposite weekends. I had a similar situation with the prior gal and we just had difficulty finding time.
I would let your mom babysit.
Distressed and Kerry..I agree with you both and am still weighing my options here..there are pros and cons to both options. I'm trying to make the best of what this is. I can tell you that after my first Divorce anytime I dropped my son to stay with a grandparent or my nephew then that was frowned upon..
I have plenty of time this week to decide..
MY main goal here is to attempt to get a CO-PARENTING relationship established with Kim..a "you scratch my back/I scratch yours" type thing. It's the best thing for Caleigh IMO..Kim has a convuluded way of thinking about things..so it makes it difficult..trying to establish a co-parenting baseline if you will..
we will see
Mike,
I think establishing ROR w/ the X would be a good thing. I've tried to beat that into my X's head for months. So... I suggest that you make sure she knows the ROR is out there for her, see if you can line it up w/ grandparents, then make the decision later in the week. What's the harm in offering her ROR? You are still in control no matter what. You will have your plans in place.
Steve
Mike,
I think establishing ROR w/ the X would be a good thing. I've tried to beat that into my X's head for months. So... I suggest that you make sure she knows the ROR is out there for her, see if you can line it up w/ grandparents, then make the decision later in the week. What's the harm in offering her ROR? You are still in control no matter what. You will have your plans in place.
Steve
that's why I bring this crap here..LOL..I like all the different opionions and the reasons why everyone has for either yea or nea..
keep talking guys..we will see..I've still not decided..
Well, you did offer her ROR, and she called you an a-hole. Am I getting that right? Let your mom watch Caleigh - grandparents have rights, too.
But that's just me
Sucks b/c coparenting would be best, you are being the bigger person, and she STILL doesn't get it....hope someday they find a cure for BCC....
Well, you did offer her ROR, and she called you an a-hole. Am I getting that right? Let your mom watch Caleigh - grandparents have rights, too.
But that's just me
no..not exactly..I did not offer her ROFR..I asked her to switch a day for a day this week.in other words I ask if I brought Caleigh back early could I pick her up early? she then mentioned to me that she "let" me have caleigh last Wednesday over night..so in essence she has given me an extra day. She got dramatic said she was on morphine from her knee surgery and I ask her if she would like to talk about it when she felt better..she then called me an asssshole..
The assshole comment rolled right off my back..LOL..I have been called worse by people on this board..LOL
continue on folks..I'm still thinking..
Maybe it is still too early to scratch each other's backs unless you dont mind a knife in yours...
K
Allright A-hole, here is my opinion.
I would offer her Caleigh back early with no strings attached, forget the swapping of days thing. Just ask if she can take her early. The A-hole thing came about because you told her what you thought. Hmmmm. I would have called you much worse....
The coparenting relationship is what is most important for your daughter right now, nothing more, nothing less. If it was me, I would call Kim and say look, I have something I need to do Saturday night, do you want her back early or should I ask my mom to cover it. That's what you would want her to do right????
By the way, I have a 12 pack says your Tide are gonna get their asssss beat down......
Ian
By the way, I have a 12 pack says your Tide are gonna get their asssss beat down.
Called out... you've GOT to take the bet!
Just to put my two cents in...I agree with Ian.
Well, except for this part:
By the way, I have a 12 pack says your Tide are gonna get their asssss beat down......
Ditto on agreeing with Ian......but on BOTH!
Sorry Mike!
The coparenting relationship is what is most important for your daughter right now, nothing more, nothing less. If it was me, I would call Kim and say look, I have something I need to do Saturday night, do you want her back early or should I ask my mom to cover it. That's what you would want her to do right????
Ian
For what its worth this is what I would do too and depending on her bitchy answer, I would make my plans accordingly.
I like what Ian suggests. Except for the Tide losing. I suspect the Tide might even have a good chance at beating the Detroit Lions.
Heck, most days I think our high school team here could whoop the Lions!
Mike..
I think a good barometer is if one or the other is calling each other names, you end the conversation and start again.
Time with Caleigh isn't a bartering tool. If you offer to give your ex spouse your daughter a day early, you give up that day. The same goes with Kim. Did she ask you for a make up day because of the surgery? If one or the parent offers to tack on an extra day, that's all well and good. It's your choice. You have options. You choose your priorities.
This early on after the divorce might not be the best time to start switching up things. Only you know.
*hugs*
PS... has anyone ever mentioned that the Tide sounds like laundry detergent?
PS... has anyone ever mentioned that the Tide sounds like laundry detergent?
Ever think they named a laundry detergent AFTER a football team!
Obviously college football doesn't run in the blood of our North Eastern brethren!
Honey chile..
I'm a born and bred magnolia blossom who was transplanted to the north as a teenager.
It's just lil ole me.... I always figured televised sports, especially basketball, was an excuse for men to nap. However that never stopped me from making 'victory brownies' whenever the team we (they) were rootin' for won.
Some of these Yankees are just plain rabid when it comes to their teams.. beware!
*hugs*
Oh yes.. and Crimson Tide sounds more like a heavy duty stain remover... (see Mikey.. I didn't go there!)
The A-hole thing came about because you told her what you thought. Hmmmm. I would have called you much worse....
your right..I did ..mainly because she used her morphine/knee surgery line on me..I actually think they should increase her dosage a bit to mellow her out but that's neither here nor there.
The coparenting relationship is what is most important for your daughter right now, nothing more, nothing less. If it was me, I would call Kim and say look, I have something I need to do Saturday night, do you want her back early or should I ask my mom to cover it. That's what you would want her to do right????
yep, that would please me greatly..I would like to get something established, something fair and equitable..something I could trust.
By the way, I have a 12 pack says your Tide are gonna get their asssss beat down......
OK..I'll take the bet..2 florida OFL are hurt and Harvin may be slightly wounded..I think the Tide may have a chance..Ya never know..
Thanks for that opinion..LOL I knew your response would be good..it always is..
Ditto on agreeing with Ian......but on BOTH!
Sorry Mike!
you have got to be kidding me..you'll ride the Gator train?? A bulldog??
I think a good barometer is if one or the other is calling each other names, you end the conversation and start again.
LOL..so lets see..she calls me an assshole and slams the phone down and I then start over with the static?? LOL
This early on after the divorce might not be the best time to start switching up things.
IMO if you do not establish some type co parenting relationship early on then you might as well right it off cause it ain't happening later..