Last Stop - a Very Happy Thread - DivorceBusting.com

Well, last stop. Time to move here.

No recap. Stats: Last Thread D but not Done

Me - 52
xW - 44
S10, D6
Bomb Jan 06
Separated May 06
Filed Sept 06
Final Agreement Dec 07
Projected D signed Jan 08

Made the final adjustments to the paperwork yesterday. This is a done deal but we will wait until Jan to get the judge to sign - save on taxes that way. So former W is now xW.

I am so glad this is over. Two years. That is a long time in any life. My only regret is that I did not do this at this time last year. I consider 2007 a complete waste of my energy.

I held such hopes last Christmas, but I was just angry and did not even kow it. I just let her hurt me again and agin. I am the personality that strives hard and I believe hard work gets the results, fixes the problems.

Not in relationships. I learned we really cannot control others. I learned that it is important to let go. I learned that it is not healthy to continue to *stand* when the handwriting is on the wall.

It was me holding me back. No more.

Love is a choice, and I have now fully accepted the situation and I choose to move on. I will give xW the unconditional love and respect she warrents as we co-parent our children. But nothing more. I have nothing left to give her.

The positive energy that is building within me will be showered on someone else. Someone who will love me for me. I will love my lover and my best friend with all my heart. xW is not that person.

That realization is a load off my mind. The lingering thought of getting back together. The small actions, especially lately, that could easily be seen as "baby steps". No more. I will not be hurt any longer and I will not play the victim and hang on to "hopes" that are only excuses for me not to get back into the game of life.

I will lurk here a while. Got a lot to learn about getting back in the game. I am scared of the future, of getting involved again. But I will work through it.

Thanks for everyone's support. Hope to make even more new friends on this forum.

Strength and Honor.

Well, lookie here...

Bloody mary, please.

Spicy.

besos,
BA

Welcome Jeff,

There are some great folks here. $\:\)$ You sound very centered and ready to move forward.

I'll take a mimosa this morning.

Beat to the draw!!!!!!! $\:\/$

Quote:

The positive energy that is building within me will be showered on someone else. Someone who will love me for me. I will love my lover and my best friend with all my heart.

(sigh)

Hoboken guys ain't no joke.

Welcome abooard lovey.

I see the lushes have beet me to it.

Originally Posted By: Jeff223

Got a lot to learn about getting back in the game.

Lesson 1: When women come knocking at your door asking for alcohol, start pouring...

besos,
BA

Jeff,

If you put all of what you say into action, you will be fine. Everything you said is so true, it's time to move on. Know you did all you could do, and it's not about YOU, this is her journey...............you must do for you and your children now. Give yourself the time to heal, come here and vent, come here and heal.

We've all been where you have been, and we have all SURVIVED.

I start a thread here, but stupid me. No booze in the pantry. On my way to the package store!

I could use a spicy bloody mary. It has been YEARS!

But what I really need is a hot toddy. I caught that cold from Lizzy. I should not have made fun of her putting up the tree before Thanksgiving.

Actually, I had my kids since Thanksgiving (xW is on travel this week) and everyone in the school has been sick. Luckly, it is a mild sinus thing, not the knock you into bed kind.

So, off to the package store for supplies.

Later.

Sorry you are feeling puny...my sinuses have been awful this fall, not sure why, ragweed thrives in drought or something.

I love hot toddies and hot buttered rum is my favorite.

I want to say something to you.

I'm glad you're here in Surviving because I enjoy your posts, I enjoy your insight, and I think you have something to gain and something to give by being here. I don't feel like you have crossed over to the dark side by coming here.

I have read some of the posts that you have gotten on your other thread, and everyone is entitled to their opinion. Everyone views situations differently and brings their own biases and experience to the table when they look at yours.

I just want you to know that I don't have an opinion, for the most part about what your wife is doing or not doing, how you should approach that, and most of all, whether you should continue to stand. That's a personal decision, and one that each one of us has to come to on our own.

My whole emphasis with you and with anyone else to whom I extend advice and an occasional board upside the head is to turn your focus inward. You find yourself here for a reason, and this opportunity is a gift, so don't squander it.

It's a chance for growth and reflection and learning how to love yourself. It's a chance to increase your faith and your hope and your gratitude. It's a chance to create for yourself the life that you have always dreamed about.

If you take the opportunity to do all those things, then everything that comes into your life going forward will rest on a solid foundation, whether it's a reconciliation with your spouse, a new relationship, or a fulfilling, rich life on your own.

Don't worry about what that may be; don't have regrets about what might have been. Just live in this moment and embrace what you have. Give the rest over to God.

I was with a group of girlfriends last night, at a coffee shop and we were laughing and having fun, and I looked up at the wall, and noticed, in big letters, on the wall, this saying:

Live the life you love, and love the life you live.

I wish that for all of us.

besos,
BA

Quote:

If you take the opportunity to do all those things, then everything that comes into your life going forward will rest on a solid foundation, whether it's a reconciliation with your spouse, a new relationship, or a fulfilling, rich life on your own.

Don't worry about what that may be; don't have regrets about what might have been. Just live in this moment and embrace what you have. Give the rest over to God.

I was with a group of girlfriends last night, at a coffee shop and we were laughing and having fun, and I looked up at the wall, and noticed, in big letters, on the wall, this saying:

Live the life you love, and love the life you live.

I really like this advice. So much, that I quoted it so it could be said again. I also commented on your D, but not done thread. If you take the above advice, then you basically are just making the most of your life and don't have to concern yourself with your XW's antics. I guess that's what I tried to say, to some degree, in my other post to you, but BA said it so much better that I'll just say "ditto" (even when I just say ditto I have to write and write....I think I like to "hear" myself) $\:\)$

I'm with JM,

BA wrote some very excellent advice! $\:\)$

WELCOME JEFF!

You've gotten some great advice here. All I can add is that once you can wrap your brain around the fact that you're only in charge of your 50% it makes detaching so much easier. We spend so much time trying singlehandedly to save things and when we finally realize that we're spinning our wheels, it may be sad or even initially devastating, but the good thing is we're able to take back our lives.

I know this is not how you wanted it, none of us did originally. It's really hard to accept that there are no sure things in life, especially when it comes to our marriage.

While we're in Limbo we're just going through the motions, so Welcome back to the land of the living!

Bethie

Hi Jeff

just wanted to pop in and say hello. You were the first to post to me when i first came here and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for thoses posts. you have always given me great advice and never sugar coated it. just plain, honest and helpful words.

You are a star and one day someone is going to be very lucky to have you. I still feel sorry for your XW.

I'd like to post a quote here I put onto my own thread (life is good, btw) and thought you might appreciate it too:

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."
quote from the Dalai Lama

I have a feeling there is a lot of happiness in store for you. I remember this time last year and you are right, you did let yourself get hurt but hey don't we all. being left is like someone punching right into your chest and pulling your still beating heart right out, then stamping on it. The good news is we all grow stronger, better hearts.

Quote:

You find yourself here for a reason, and this opportunity is a gift, so don't squander it.

It's a chance for growth and reflection and learning how to love yourself. It's a chance to increase your faith and your hope and your gratitude. It's a chance to create for yourself the life that you have always dreamed about.

If you take the opportunity to do all those things, then everything that comes into your life going forward will rest on a solid foundation

That is beautiful BBA. Thank you so much. That is why I moved here. I waited too long.

The discussion on my other thread is an academic one really. I enjoy that. I am at a point in my life where I am questioning almost everything and I fear the future. I embrace as many inputs as I can get; it helps clear the cobwebs.

There are questions and fear but there is also many positives. Too many to be deserved.

Thanks again for the warm welcome.

Quote:

All I can add is that once you can wrap your brain around the fact that you're only in charge of your 50% it makes detaching so much easier. We spend so much time trying singlehandedly to save things and when we finally realize that we're spinning our wheels, it may be sad or even initially devastating, but the good thing is we're able to take back our lives.

I know this is not how you wanted it, none of us did originally. It's really hard to accept that there are no sure things in life, especially when it comes to our marriage.

While we're in Limbo we're just going through the motions, so Welcome back to the land of the living!

So, you read minds? $\:\)$

Thank you for that. That is what I have been doing for 23 months now, going through the motions. Not even walking wounded - like the living dead.

Thanks for the warm welcome. As I said I waited too long in Limbo.

Yes Jeff,

I am a mind reader. Ask me if I know why you stayed and put up with all of the crap and heck I'll even have the answer to that as well. Amazing huh? It's as if I had lived your life. $;\)$

I even know why you didn't come here sooner.....you weren't ready, you thought you saw "baby steps", and the most important reason of all you were trying to save your family. How'd I do?

Jeff, you did exactly as you were supposed to. Nothing to be ashamed of in that. Can you imagine the questions that you would always have if you had just walked away and hadn't done what you thought was right, or how you may have felt you shortchanged your kids?

This is your journey now Jeff. The only ones that you need to be responsible to are your children. Judging from what you've written you're up for the challenge.

Besides, everything has a way of working out. I have no idea how that happens but it does.

So............do you have any refreshments yet?

Are you back from the liquor store yet??

Cause it's Friday and it's five o'clock somewhere...

I am still stocking up. Need a good Bloody Mary receipe.

But I did find this:

Hoboken Pasta

May get this one for Christmas.

When Annie comes to visit me in February I am taking her to go have pasta in Hoboken

at Amanda's on Washington.

YUM

What about the tapas place?

All we're gonna do is eat...

Tapas and Sangria too, (sigh)

just roll us out of Hoboken

We'll have to wear our Big Gulp dresses to the Garden...good thing they won't be flashing us up on the Jumbotron! $\:D$

WHEN in Feb? May be worth a trip.

It WILL take two of you to control a native of Hoboken!

Now, how about the Bloody Mary mix????

I am going up for Westminster, which is Feb. 11-12, not sure yet when I will be going up.

And Chica will be in Hotlanta Jan. 18.

OK, Mary's, here's mine, I am sure there are variations on the theme:

1 1/2 oz. Vodka
3 oz. Tomato Juice
Dash of Lime Juice
1/2 tsp. Worcestershire Sauce
3 drops Tabasco Sauce
Salt and Pepper

Shake ingredients in cocktail shaker. Pour into glass over ice cubes. Vary Tabasco sauce and salt and pepper to taste. Garnish with lime wedge and celery stick.

Shoot... been there done that. I lived in Jersey for 10 years. I consider myself a Jersey girl. Haha I'll probably be there in Feb. as well.