Well... I guess I'll link to my 2nd to last thread since I've been deleted (thanks, Kev...
). I guess there's a first for everything. Makes me think of a line I saw on 'Sex and the City' last night... well, nevermind about that. I don't want to start this thread out on the wrong foot.
Job by Thursday Have a great day.
Margarita, please, ma'am!
BA
Absolutely, BA... and don't be ma'am-ing me... I am much less classy than that. Would you like original or mango? Shaken or frozen?
Glad you are back, things were just not right with you around here.
Dang Annie, you got first drink?
so only the first person to post gets the drink?
and I can't even share with you
B/c you drink the "hard stuff" margarita
Yeah, and I've been missing seeing some of the regulats posting around here... so JILLY get yo a$$ back here. I miss ya lady.
Bethie too... (did I just say that out loud??)
Thanks, Liss... I've got a special drink for you.
Original please.
Lissie's the only one that drinks those gay-ish, prickly pear, mango fango, glow in the dark type margaritas. And she nurses those!
Like mine original, top shelf, rocks, with salt, thanks.
Anytime, ladies...
So for those of you who are praying folk, my sister is back into the addiction. It's not good. My mom had to pay off a dealer who kept coming to her house b/c my sis shorted him. And my sisters want to have an intervention this weekend. When she was first going thru this 2.5 years ago, X and I were trying to get custody of her D. Now, I don't have the strength for that. And I am feeling totally overwhelmed and selfish b/c I want my difficulties to be the center of my focus and resent that I have to even divide my time/thoughts on hers right now. I hate that about myself. I didn't even think to get into that w/ my C yesterday when I started back... maybe next session.
So... send me your strength and selflessness. I can use a bundle.
Anytime, ladies...
So for those of you who are praying folk, my sister is back into the addiction. It's not good. My mom had to pay off a dealer who kept coming to her house b/c my sis shorted him. And my sisters want to have an intervention this weekend. When she was first going thru this 2.5 years ago, X and I were trying to get custody of her D. Now, I don't have the strength for that. And I am feeling totally overwhelmed and selfish b/c I want my difficulties to be the center of my focus and resent that I have to even divide my time/thoughts on hers right now. I hate that about myself. I didn't even think to get into that w/ my C yesterday when I started back... maybe next session.
So... send me your strength and selflessness. I can use a bundle.
Honey, you don't strike me as someone who strays from selflessness very often.
Much like Chica, I suspect you tend more toward giving of yourself till there's not much more to give.
If you don't have it to give right now, maybe it's God's way of telling you that whatever you think you are supposed to give to her, that's really not what your sister needs most at this time. Have faith that God has her in His loving hands and is going to give her what she needs to get through; it's not on you.
The best thing that you can give to your sister right now is prayers.
I will pray for you both.
besos,
BA
Joooolie!!! So glad you're back!!!
You are not selfish, but selfless!!! You have enough on your plate right now to deal with. I hope your sis gets the help she needs so she can be as good a mom to her D as you are to yours.
How are the rugrats, anyway?
Praying for you and your sister
Glad to have you back Jules
BA
I like the way you take your margaritas!!!!
yummmmmmmmm
gay-ish, prickly pear, mango fango, glow in the dark type margaritas.
I am going to make this my siggy
So... send me your strength and selflessness. I can use a bundle.
Oh mamma, you are not seflish
you are one of those great ones, the ones that want to make everything ok, for everybody else, and sometimes, you have to know you have to do for you.
And IT IS OK to do for you.
A prayer for you sister
Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, your beloved Son, we offer you, our beloved brothers… for your mercy. You love them and care for them as the apple of your eye. Lord Jesus, these beloved brothers are addicted to liquor/drugs, Lord have mercy on them. They destroy peace in the family as well as in the society. Forgive them Lord; strengthen them with the power and strength of your Holy Spirit. May the power of your divine word penetrate into their souls and bodies.
Julius!
I'm so sorry for your sister and for what your family is going through. Addiction is a terrible thing and even after people come through, the hold is always there. As far as the intervention goes, that is probably her only hope. I just hope that she will be open to it, especially for her child.
Don't ever feel selfish or guilty for wanting to have the luxury of concentrating on your life. They always say that you have to save yourself before you can be of any good to anyone else and I totally believe that. It must be so hard for you right now to be torn in so many directions. If you need some space from it all take it. Nobody could ever think badly of you. It's just so hard for a pleaser to put themselves first, but you can do it!
Love,
Bethie
Thanks figgy, BA, and lissie!!
Jill...
Joooolie!!! So glad you're back!!!
I had to come back, Jill. You and my nephew are the only ones to call me Jooooolie and I miss it. Glad you're around. Been missing the Jill-Bethie show.
How are the rugrats, anyway?
They are doing really well. Last night they were 'all jacked up on' Halloween candy so that was tough. But they are just doing so well. Been having the Divorce convo w/ D6 pretty regularly lately and damn, I'm getting good at it. She's doing well, but I still spend as much time as I can at her school b/c she is being affected by all of this and I want her to know how loved she is.
I'm just so lucky. I LOVE TODAY AND I LOVE MY GIRLS MORE THAN ANYTHING. I try to tell them everyday that I'll always love them. Ok, enough gushing about my babies.
Bethie...
Thanks for weighing in, also. My sister is a mess. So when the drug dealer's girlfriend came by this morning and paid her off, my sis is mouthing off to my mom for paying her because "they are liars and cheats" (hello, pot)... and then she was mad b/c this drug dealer had ripped her off before so she wasn't going to pay him back and she knew someone who could get 'fake stuff' to replace what she owed him with. Are you kidding me? Who writes this sh!t? And she is living w/ my parents' and using her D3 as a human shield. Idiot.
I seriously have to laugh about this b/c it does bring to mind how great my life is. And I did tell my mom today that I am resentful of my sister throwing all this drama into the family b/c I am not finished being the drama queen and I want to have a corner on that market in my family (tongue in cheek, but also a little honest).
Don't ever feel selfish or guilty for wanting to have the luxury of concentrating on your life
Thanks, honey. I need to just keep hearing this stuff. Yesterday at the C session, I told my C that I feel like a big jerk (also guilty) b/c I am so happy with where my life is going and all and I feel bad that this isn't the best path for my kids. So I feel guilty that my happiness is coming at the expense of theirs. Of course, the C didn't buy into this thinking, but hey, I'm who I am.
Boy, I am a blabbermouth today. I really need to be cleaning my house and raking my leaves, but I am procrastinating.
Julie
Julie
Don't feel guilty about being good
about finding blessings
about beingthe best you that you can be
you rock!!!
(((Julie)))
You are not wrong for wanting to take care of yourself. In fact, your first responsibility is to you, and your second responsibility is to your daughters. Unless you take care of your first responsibility, you can't take care of your second. Everything else is gravy.
How can you give of yourself to others if you're already depleted? It's okay to stay out of this fight. It's not even yours to have.
Love yourself first, then share that love with your beautiful girls. Love your sister too...but understand she is in charge of her actions. There's nothing you can do to change her...it's HER work. Maybe telling her what I told one of my "trouble" boys a couple of weeks ago would help...I told him that there was nothing on earth that could shake my love or support for him, but that his behavior was unacceptable because it lacked respect for me or for himself. I love this boy dearly...but he knows my line in the sand. I think that may be the best thing y'all could do for sis.
SD
Don't feel guilty about being happy. If your happy it will trickle down to the girls and you all will be happy. They see mom happy and walla!
Glad you are doing well
Hey, Julie, there's nothing bad about your life going well when someone else is reaping the rewards of their choices. Your sister has serious problems, but all the help (counseling, 12 Step programs) in the world will will be for naught if she isn't ready and able to accept it. We can pray for her and her D3. It's not your job to make her accept the other kinds of help.
Maybe if you can continue making your life the best you can for yourself and your girls, your sister might see that someday and decide it's time to take the help that's offered to her. That's a good sight better than wearing yourself out over what you cannot control, isn't it? And as an additional perk, you get to feel good in the process.
Here, have a morning beer on me!
Thanks,
Joe
Good morning, friends! So many good things posted here for me to smile about and I thank you all for that.
So thank you figgy.
And SD, I really like your suggestion. Things just get so heated and emotional with family, but this will be really good practice for me. Thank you!
Kym... thank you sweetie. You're so right.
Joe... Very good points and needed validation, thank you. and...
Here, have a morning beer on me
This is definitely the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Cori... thank you very much. I
am doing better than I feel and I need to keep rememebering that. And I don't feel bad, just a little hesitant to get myself depleted as all of you mention.
Thanks friends! Slow work day for me today so I will be doing my best to stay outta trouble and not clean the house.
smoooooooooooooooooooooooches Julie!!!!
have a great weekend
for me it's YAY LAUNDRY!!!!!
Quoting from somewhere else:
... I needed to hear that my anger was justified
Your anger is justified.
work thru this anger so I can put it all behind me
Definitely don't want to hold onto it or suppress it. I've seen what happens if you do for D'd people several years out and it's not pretty.
it's ugly head when I least need that (when the girls are teens and losing it themselves).
It still might, even then. The important thing will be not that you're not past it, but how you react afterward to set an example for them.
As in:
"It's OK to be upset/mad/frustrated etc...." as long as you let it loose constructively and/or make amends if it isn't.
You deserve that.
What do you deserve?
And just in case BethM and qoe show up, there's a little song that starts running through my head on Friday afternoons thanks to the three of you.
Morning beer
Ordinarily it wouldn't make me green, but I had one too many last night at a late night concert and that plus little sleep is testing my tummy!
I definitely think you should make it your goal NOT to clean the house. There's nothing like success to breed more success!
Make your day great, and thanks for the support on my thread!
SD
SOTS....
I wanna' know what song you're talking about. Can you hum a few bars for us?
"HAVE A MORNING BEER"???? That was the nicest thing that has been said to you so far today?? This may be a stretch but I never would have guessed that! RIGHT!
Aw, come on you know I'm just kidding...Hey have lots of fun with your day off!
Love,
Bethie
Hi Jules,
Just catching up - and you know, SD already said almost EXACTLY what I was gonna say. Smart lady!
Hugs to you, your kids, and your sister too!
Morning, Stoic... thanks for stopping by, especially in light of the difficulties your feeling, it means a lot. I don't do a good job of reaching out to others when I am going thru sh!t, but I have been thinking of you.
Thank you. It helps to hear that.
It still might, even then. The important thing will be not that you're not past it, but how you react afterward to set an example for them.
As in:
"It's OK to be upset/mad/frustrated etc...." as long as you let it loose constructively and/or make amends if it isn't.
This is really stuff... and good reminders for all of us.
The moon, Stoic, I deserve the moon. Thanks for asking. And somebody tell Bethie that doesn't mean a pic of her a$$.
SD-
Anytime, sweetie. And sorry to hear you're a tad... under the weather. I'll have your morning beer for you. Rest up for the weekend, chica!
Thanks, Rob and Bethie...
And Stoic, I agree with Bethie (UGH)... I wanna know what song.
So my mom was talking to my 5 y.o. nephew last night and his mom had told him that my sister (his aunt) has a drug problem. So he wanted to talk about it and this is how the convo went. I got a real kick out of it.
Nephew: mom told me J is doing drugs. That's not good.
Mom: No it isn't.
N: Did you talk to her?
M: I tried, but she's pretty mad at me.
N: She's really pissed, huh?
M: Yeah.
N: I just really want to talk about this.
M: What are you going to say when someone comes up to you and asks if you want to try some drugs?
N: Hell no!
M: well, what if they start taunting you, calling you a baby and a sissy for not trying?
N: Then I'm gonna say "SHUT UP B!TCH!"
I lmao!
Oh, and I've been inspired this morning. I will not be cleaning house today. I will, however, be taking a cat nap.
LMAO! I think that could be the new anti-drug slogan: "Just Say SHUT UP B!TCH!"
Hi everyone... I've been a little incommunicado b/c I haven't been feeling top notch lately... emotionally.
I really missed my kids last weekend while they were with X. I'm feeling a little extra emotional right now so that isn't helping. I feel like I have some unfinished business with old friendships that I've chosen to let go of b/c of their stance on my current sitch and I can't decide if that's fair to them- and what is fair to me? Then I got another letter from X's L and you know how those affect me. Basically saying that b/c of the spousal and child maint. X is paying, he is unable to share in the cost of the daycare. WTF?
I did get my keys back from him this weekend. Didn't bother telling him I changed the locks over 3 months ago. My clients are insane and that helps me realize my life isn't so bad, but sometimes that isn't much of a consolation, kwim. And... I was totally entertained (tongue in cheek) by druggie sister turning my mom's house upside down looking for the $90 in tip money she lost from the night before. Must have been time for a fix and she was short-tempered. If it wasn't so pathetic, it would have been funny.
But... on a brighter note... I had 'coffee' w/ D4 this morning before taking her to school and she is doing so well. D6 and I have a 'lunch date' at school as well today. So things will be getting better soon. Just working thru some stuff, as you all know that goes. Life is still beautiful. And I'm still so lucky. Just having one of those weeks.
Take care.
Julie
Then I got another letter from X's L and you know how those affect me. Basically saying that b/c of the spousal and child maint. X is paying, he is unable to share in the cost of the daycare. WTF?
BLEH
sorry about that mamma.
I love that you had coffee with your D4 in the morning, that is so sweet.
And enjoy your lunch with D6 at school later today.
I was in a rush this morning and didn't get to cuddle the kids (sigh)
have fun
Julie...can you meet with your lawyer and have him explain how this works?
I don't get that
and your daughters will love the special time with you
I remember when my mom would have coffee with me (once or twice and mine was mostly cream but it was fun to dunk doughnuts)
they are very special memories for me
way to make lasting memories!!!
smoooooooooch
((((Julie))))
Sorry you're going through a rough patch. I know you'll come out of it smiling and brighter than ever! But sorry for the painful part right now.
YOOOOOOOOOOOO JULIUS!!!!
Happy Monday! I'm so glad that you have the girls back. I know how hard it is for you when they're not with you. You've done an amazing job of letting their lives stay as carefree as possibly in light of everything that you have been through. How much better can your day be after it starts out like that?!?!?!
I'll be interested to hear what your lawyer has to say after you relay the latest bit of communication. It will all work out for the best. When you live by the rules, and do what's expected, there is a reward. Maybe you can't see it now but you will!
MMMMMMMM....school lunch...Yum Yum
Love,
Bethie
Yo, Jooooolie,
These down times happen to all of us. You need to make some fun plans for the times when X has your girls. Even if it's just a manicure and a movie...treat yourself!!!
I liked to goin and clean their room. that way they had a fresh room and I got the mess taken care of
and
I ate what I wanted when I wanted
I rented foreign films (too poor to go out)
Thanks, Lissie and NikkiB...
Figgy-
can you meet with your lawyer and have him explain how this works?
I don't get that
I have a conf call scheduled w/ my L this week to try to pull together an offer. I don't think he gets to pick and choose when daycare is a convenient expense for him. So, we'll see how that goes. Just must be frickin' nice.
As far as the 'coffee' morning went, it was actually hot chocolate and she was more excited about the tin of lipgloss I gave her (remember those old tins that the top would slide off of?? I saw a 3-pack at Target and couldn't resist for nostalgia). So she sparkled all the way to daycare. D6 planted a smooch on my cheek that left lipstick marks so she had the red gloss confiscated by me and replaced with the glittery clear. Much more appropriate. Also very excited.
You've done an amazing job of letting their lives stay as carefree as possibly in light of everything that you have been through.
Thanks for reminding me of this. Easy to lose sight of in my 'morose-ish' mood. I just feel tired today. Anyway, thanks Bethie.
It will all work out for the best. When you live by the rules, and do what's expected, there is a reward. Maybe you can't see it now but you will!
Your lips to God's ears.
Yummy, school lunch!!!
Thanks, Jilly...
What a nice sentiment. I did just get a certificate for a massage from a girlfriend so I'll have to schedule that for next time.
Fig... I usually clean out their rooms, change their sheets and get the house spotless when they are with their dad, but didn't do it this time. Must have worn myself out winterizing the yard and gardens last week and didn't have the ooompah.
I will watch Talladega Nights soon... borrowed it last week and haven't gotten to it.
Lovely...
I just got a collection call at my mom's house for the line of credit payment X is supposed to be paying. I did ask him last night if he was planning on paying it and he said yes, this week.
Julie,
Can you give them Husbands phone #. I would say he doesn't live there anymore and give his new number. If it's his responsibility to pay the bills then he should be the one taking the harassing!
Ilove those tins
I liked pineapple!!!
Thanks Bethie, I did just that. I made sure they had his # and address on file. It won't affect my credit for another week or so so I'll be monitoring online to make sure it's paid.
btw, you brought tears to my eyes, too.
Thanks.
Just stopping by to say that despite the whirlwind of activity around you (STBX and sis) that it is great to see that your girls come first. (as if there was any doubt)
And I too remember those lip gloss tins. My mom used to hate when I left them in my jeans pocket. They can really ruin a load of laundry!
I feel like I have some unfinished business with old friendships that I've chosen to let go of b/c of their stance on my current sitch and I can't decide if that's fair to them- and what is fair to me?
Dearest Julie---
Lots to say but only a minute to post, but I want to whack you with a very loving, nicely padded 2x4 for your comment above.
You have the right to associate with whoever you want to associate with. It's not a question of "fair," it's a question of who you feel good around and choose to spend your time with. *If* the way they've responded to your situation doesn't feel good to you, then you have the right to step away.
If you're feeling guilty about it, the only other suggestion I have is to be direct with them about why you're pulling away. But most definitely don't feel bad about not spending time with people who are not adding to your life.
Are you one of those "pleaser" types? Do you put your own needs last? Honey...the best thing you can possibly do for ANYONE on this planet is to take care of YOU first.
You are Julie, let's hear you roar!
SD
Are you one of those "pleaser" types? Do you put your own needs last? Honey...the best thing you can possibly do for ANYONE on this planet is to take care of YOU first.
You are Julie, let's hear you roar!
This is sooooo true!!!! I have a very dear friend that is a "people pleaser." She's in very poor health, yet her "friends" constantly take advantage of her. It's so frustrating for me to watch this going on. However, I've decided that me saying anything to her about it just adds to her stress so I try to keep quiet (not an easy feat for me, as y'all know).
SD is right. Take care of yourself first and everyone around you will feed off your happiness.
Well, 1st things 1st... I'm much calmer now and am not at risk of popping a gasket...
Thanks SD and care and Jill for stopping by. You all are right and I am a pleaser. I'm trying, I really am. But with this sitch, it feels unfinished. We had some best friends when we lived in Oregon that we did everything with. The wife and I commuted to college and our friendship blossomed from there. We've been back to see them every other year or so and stay in communication. When everything hit the fan, the wife was really quick to say that they weren't going to take sides, whatever. But then last spring, I sent them an email saying it looked like my attempts to maintain our family weren't going to be successful and she said she knew that b/c X had been in contact w/ her H. I just felt icky- like I was the moron who thought there might be more of a chance than there was. And I know the crap X is saying about me TO MY FAMILY, so I have no doubt that these friends aren't getting the whole story from 'slick willy'. Which doesn't really matter. What matters to me is that I feel different about our friendship now. So I don't respond to her emails. Most of the emails are mass emails sent to everyone w/ pics of their son. But I don't respond. Yet, I think about them. But who am I to tell them who they can and can't be friends with? But it is a deal breaker for me. Anyway, rambling there...
So yesterday I was looking for a recipe book that my MIL gave me for my bridal shower. It had some of her family's favorite recipes and I had written some of my favorite recipes in it. I couldn't find it anywhere so I left X a msg asking if he'd seen it. He left me a message saying he had it and wanted to keep it, but that I could borrow it to make copies. I almost exploded. But I just texted him to leave it on the porch and I'd make copies. So I picked it up today, took out the recipes I don't use, copied the ones I do and am giving those to him, BUT I AM KEEPING THE BOOK CUZ SHE GAVE IT TO ME!!!!!! I also left him an assortment of other cookbooks on his doorstep. That just chapped my hide.
Then this morning, got into a chat w/ D6 about the D again. She asked if we could just un-D and I said no. We talked about how we both love her, but don't love each other. She said her dad loves OW and she is his GF and they are going to get M'd. And she wondered what it would be like to have a new mom. I told her when I get remarried, who would her dad be? And she said 'X'.. so I said when dad gets remarried, who will your mom always be? And she said 'you'. I need to be able to just let this sh!t go you guys and not let it yank my chain. I fully expect them to get M'd. And I am feeling so on a warpath lately.
But... went to target and did some lovely retail therapy getting ready for Santa's elves to start visiting December 1 so I am HAPPY now. Please don't be scared of me.
I promise not to run with scissors. I need to start going to church every morning until I can work thru some of my frustrations with X. Starting tomorrow.
I'm fine, really. Just venting here and thanks for listening!
HI CRAZY JULIUS!!!
Why would you think that any of what you said was over the top? I imagine that you would be disappointed in old friends for taking such a blase' attitude. Do you think that they know that the deal breaker had anything to do with his having an affair? Maybe that little detail was never mentioned. Regardless, I can more than understand!
The fact that he took the recipe book, and failed to mention that until you asked, would burn my butt as well. If he didn't think you would mind he would have asked. So yes, caught again! Since it was a present to you you have every right to keep it. I actually think that it was very nice of you to copy the recipes for him.
It makes me feel so sad that your little one is so consumed with how her life has changed and a tad anxious of what is to be. The best part is that she KNOWS that she can go to you with these concerns. She KNOWS that it's safe and that you will love her just the same. My shrink told me that kids do this because they feel to a certain extent as if they've already lost the parent who left, and they are afraid to ask questions of the waw fearing that it could push the parent away for good. So sad that at 6 years old she should have these concerns!
Anyway, we know you're crazy but in a good way!
Love,
Bethie
Hi loopy Bethie!!!
Glad to see you weren't too hungover today to make it to work. They are starting to frown on that, you know!!
Thank you for all of the validation. However... I'm not sure if coming from you I feel any less crazy... hmmm... might need jill to weigh in before I can decide.
The best part is that she KNOWS that she can go to you with these concerns. She KNOWS that it's safe and that you will love her just the same.
You're right. And you know how much my kids mean to me. Heck, I just love kids period. Kids are such a blessing and I'm just thankful that she feels safe talking to me. My kids make me such a better person. I just strive to be the kind of person they think I am and that they deserve. Life is good, especially with kid hugs. I still make my way to D6s school a couple of times a week to get my fill of primary hugs. I LOVE THAT!!! And I would certainly be there today if I wasn't kidsitting my sick nephew. Did I mention that my life is beautiful?
Hi loopy Bethie!!! (Not Nice!!)
Did I mention that my life is beautiful?
Yes, Julie you have mentioned that more than a few times. We sure have lots to be thankful for don't we? I'm so glad that we're at a place where we understand that and never take it for granted!
Love,
Bethie
Hi Jules,
Hugs to you - I love how you can vent and then bounce back with such a wonderful attitude!
I wanted to ask about the friends... Yes, H got there "ahead of you" and spun things his way (lying his fool a$$ off, I'm sure). But, from what you said - it sounds like you found out about that and kinda shut down on this friendship yourself.
If this friend is important to you (which I'm assuming she is), is it worth reaching out to her - maybe even giving her your side of the story over a couple of drinks?
Don't let your future be determined by the crap that X goes spreading around. Don't give him that kind of power over you. You are much better than that!
Bethie...
You of all people know I am not nice. Sheesh!
And what did you have to edit? More nice things you said about me?
Rob...thanks for chiming in...
If this friend is important to you (which I'm assuming she is), is it worth reaching out to her - maybe even giving her your side of the story over a couple of drinks?
She is important to me. But also, she lives in Oregon and I live in Colorado. I have talked to her about the situation as it was unfolding last year. But the person my X is/has become is not the same person they knew. SO I can imagine that it would be hard to rectify in their heads without being around both of us consistently that someone could do this. Look, my X has changed a lot. And he didn't meet my needs either from early on in our M. But people who didn't even know about our current sitch are commenting on how different X is. I guess he's happy finally and good for him. I'm much happier as well. But when we lived in Oregon, I wasn't happy w/ X. So there is a part of me that ASSUMES (yeah, I know) that they must feel 'I deserved this' or that it's a surprise this didn't happen sooner or whatever... Just being honest.
You know Julius,
You might be very surprised as to what they would think. Part of being young is also being slefish and stupid. I know that there are times especially when we are first married that we all have trouble with the idea of forever but that's because in your early 20's forever seems like such a very longtime. I don't think it's until we have our kids that we ever really understand what committment is all about.
Oregon may as well have been a lifetime ago. Your friends have grown up as well. Do you really think that they have become the type of people who would say. "Julie wasn't always happy so she deserved to have husband go outside of the marriage?" I seriously doubt that.
Besides if they have kept your friendship for all these years then there is way more there than the fact that you went to school together. Face it Babe!
I hate it when I have to type something twice...
Friends, I have a hypothetical situation/riddle for you to address...
If the WAS requested of a LBS to spend Christmas morning together with the kids' at the LBS' house so that they can both be there when the kids come out to see what Santa brought and the WAS appealed to the LBS to consider what was best for the kids and what the kids would MOST WANT on that day and if there was a discussion with the kids beforehand to discuss false hopes and expectations, what would a LBS do/think/feel???
well as long as the HO HO HO is no where in sight
and you know the kids would love it
then the LBS might just , maybe say Ok
ONLY b/c the kids would love it
even tho the LBS know that the sneaky WAS is a sneak, she will let it slide for the holidays
Interesting perspective, Lissie, thanks...
My only question right away is: When did this become about what the kids would most want?
I would say no. I wanted to create my own traditions and celebrate the holidays with my kids
leaving brought about the natural consequence of not being there for those things.
it is their job to start their own traditions.
maybe harsh but I didnt feel comfortable with the Hardys'dad being there. it was OUR celebration and he needed to create his own with the boys
I hate it when I have to type something twice...
Friends, I have a hypothetical situation/riddle for you to address...
If the WAS requested of a LBS to spend Christmas morning together with the kids' at the LBS' house so that they can both be there when the kids come out to see what Santa brought and the WAS appealed to the LBS to consider what was best for the kids and what the kids would MOST WANT on that day and if there was a discussion with the kids beforehand to discuss false hopes and expectations, what would a LBS do/think/feel???
Joooolie!!!
I think most of us have been in this situation. Personally, I think it's just delaying the inevitable. For instance, next year, butthead may be M'd to OW. Is he going to leave OW on Xmas morning to come over and watch the kids open gifts? Probably not. Since you know that you and X are "never" getting back together, why delay allowing them to see "how it's gonna be?"
My only question right away is: When did this become about what the kids would most want?
Who knows his reasoning for it.
HE is being sneaky, and a jerk, what goes around come around
you don't have to worry yourself about that.
The kids are what matter here.
And if you KNOW the kids will be happier with dad there, then that is your call.
YOu have the upper hand here.
hypothetically I'd get a shovel and beat the living $hit out of his chicken$hit a$$ and the dig a hole, dump the slut in with him and cover them over...dust to dust...
now realizing that I might be overreacting and that it's what YOU'D really like to do too...
isn't it amazing that suddenly he's asking you to consider what's best for the kids? BASTID>>>>>> FTARD!!!!!!! What happens next year? Do you do this for the next 10 years or...it's not the worst idea I ever heard but it really is asking you to 'bend over' again...
and in retrospect that may have been a harsh response...F'TARD
It's not a bad thing to do but it's just so typical..."think about the kids"..."I didn't while I was screwing around but now let's think about the kids...."
Real quick since I'm on the clock...he's asking this since he knows it's the only way HE would get to be with the girls on Christmas morning. I think it's almost COMPLETELY all about him, and almost NOT AT ALL about what the girls want. He has tried to play that card too many times now (i.e. trying to excuse something by conveniently packaging it as all about the girls). For example like switching the day cares to one more convenient for him.
Since the girls are going to have to get used to the situation at some point, and since there is no chance that you and X are getting back together, I would say no.
Kev
Well Jules the peeps here know your situation a lot better than me.
I was just thinking about the girls, but if he has disappointed them in the past, then you know the best call on it.
Then this morning, got into a chat w/ D6 about the D again. She asked if we could just un-D and I said no. We talked about how we both love her, but don't love each other. She said her dad loves OW and she is his GF and they are going to get M'd. And she wondered what it would be like to have a new mom. I told her when I get remarried, who would her dad be? And she said 'X'.. so I said when dad gets remarried, who will your mom always be? And she said 'you'. I need to be able to just let this sh!t go you guys and not let it yank my chain. I fully expect them to get M'd. And I am feeling so on a warpath lately.
Oh Jules, you are awesone for holding it together and speaking so well to D6. I would have probably stopped breathing and thrown up if one of my kids talked abut having a "new mom." I know how you feel about letting it get to you. I already feel like OW wants to mother my kids. They don't need a mother!!!!! She can do what she wants to the STBXH, they have to answer to a higher authority than me on that one, but back off of my kids!!!
Hey Babe,
Kev made some good points as did Queenie, and you certainly know how I feel. If this was truly about the girls then he would be home with them where he belongs(d). Unfortunately it's always been about numero uno.
You know Julie onetime I forwarded a letter from ex to a very smart friend from the board MichelleTW. Since I value her opinion so highly I asked what she thought after reading it and she said, "everything is about him and his needs". I would rank this right up there. I can also identify with his approach, always the nice guy!!! PULEEZ The trouble is that the "nice guy" in the end only every does what's best for him. You'd think by now he would do a better job of disguising who he is!
Love,
Bethie
Thanks, figgy... I totally get that too.
[quote] My only question right away is: When did this become about what the kids would most want?
My only question right away is: When did this become about what the kids would most want?
[/quote}
I know lissie... and it always seems to be when it suits him. Does the fact that D6 asks me multiple times each week if our family could be whole again indicate what she 'most wants'? You all are right... this is about convenience. And it smarts. But I will do due diligence and talk to my C about it next week. B/c I feel like so many of our interactions right now are gut-check responses to immediately say no. And I want to make sure that my reasons are in the right.
Yep stub, you're right. It is time to think of the kids... but it's also time for their mom to think of herself.
Kev...
he's asking this since he knows it's the only way HE would get to be with the girls on Christmas morning. I think it's almost COMPLETELY all about him, and almost NOT AT ALL about what the girls want.
I've no doubt this could be packaged any way we want it. But I'm sure it is also about him and not just about what is best for the girls. I'm w/ figgy in that I'm starting my own traditions and he can start his own. But there comes a time when I have a right to say, no, this is my time with the kids and feel justified in that. Thus the convo w/ the counselor next week.
Thanks for stopping by, friends...
Julie my H is the same way.
He only looks out for number 1
I have a hard time with this stuff too.
What Bethie said sounds so right too.
I usually give in when it comes to the kids.
B/c I don't want them to hurt.
I rather take it upon my self, and that is probably not the way to go about it either.
The responses here have me thinking too.
Lissie... I can't say that my X 'has disappointed' the kids in the past other than thru the D. But I still feel that I am entitled to my time with them. I totally understand your position. ANd that's big of you. But you do deserve to put yourself first. This might be different if he wasn't going to have them all Christmas Eve day until 6PM and then all afternoon/evening of Christmas day. kwim?
Suzy... we just try to handle the sitch best we can as it is thrown at us. I know OW is probably mothering my kids, but they can never have too many people loving them. So as long as people treat my kids as wonderfully as they deserve, I don't mind that. But I will not be replaced.
Bethie...
You've called me babe twice today. Brought a tear to my eye...
So I hear you all and I feel duly justified. But I will keep an open mind, talk to my C, and consider this as I told him I would.
If the WAS requested of a LBS to spend Christmas morning together with the kids' at the LBS' house so that they can both be there when the kids come out to see what Santa brought and the WAS appealed to the LBS to consider what was best for the kids and what the kids would MOST WANT on that day and if there was a discussion with the kids beforehand to discuss false hopes and expectations, what would a LBS do/think/feel???
This scenario was actually what I originally wanted and had requested of my STBXH. I thought it would be good for the kids. Since that original proposal by me things have deteriorated and HE has said he can not be around me because I am "so full of hate." Whatever! I guess my opinion would be if it will not be painful for you, then do it. Maybe plan on having some other family around as well to make it easier.
Interesting perspective, Lissie, thanks...
My only question right away is: When did this become about what the kids would most want?
There's the irony. Now that their selfish needs are fulfilled (getting the D and the OW) they will consider "what's best for the kids."
I'd feel duly justified in slapping the crap out of him...and so would you. Just dreaming outloud. They really do want it all don't they?
You're so good. wasn't it tempting to just spit in his direction and wipe the dirt off your shoes? it would be funny if it weren't just one more thing designed to make you look like the bad guy...hmmmm....where have I seen that before?
Lissie... I can't say that my X 'has disappointed' the kids in the past other than thru the D. But I still feel that I am entitled to my time with them. I totally understand your position. ANd that's big of you. But you do deserve to put yourself first.
I do need to put my self first, but I have this thing, that my kids will always come before me
and they are growing really fast, and I know that what my STBX did is just wrong on all levels.
But allowing him to come over , and see the kids for Christmas, in my eyes it is not a rewarding him any, I could care less about him
it is giving some joy to my kids
b/c even tho their dad is a jerk, they see him with loving and forgiving eyes.
And that is why I get stuck
and maybe I would be doing the wrong thing.
But I dunno, I think that for me anyway, I would just let him come over just so I CAN see the smile on my kids face
bleh
I'm a sucker
You are not a sucker, Liss.
Because, regardless of how parents split Christmas, truly there is only one Christmas morning. There is only one "come down the stairs, all wild, seeing the Santa stash and screaming, OMG, look what Santa brought us" moment.
And to see the looks on their faces when they do that, with both mom and dad there and both mom and dad getting to share in that moment, setting aside for that moment, all the other crap, well that's something you can give to your children that's impossible to create in any other way, IMO.
But what the fark do I know, cause I don't have any...
Okay, after reading the other opinions I think a lot of people have a point when they say it is time for new traditions. My original plan was sharing Christmas morning, but I can see that may not be the best scenario. Mybe I was trying to hold on to the past, but I realize I have to completely let go and create the future.
I agree with the "time for new traditions" crowd and the "it's all about him" crowd.
I have no doubt at all that
Christmas At Julie's would be a special, wonderful, memorable, magical time. And having Mr. F-tard there would not do one single thing to enhance that.
P.S. I loved the HO HO HO crack!
Julie...
What do YOU want? Do you know it's okay to want what you want, that it's not selfish? Do you trust that you love your daughters beyond reason, and that you would never ever do anything to hurt them?
Sit with the two options, and pay attention to how each one makes you FEEL. Take your brain out of it. Your brain is a wonderful tool, but it's not always a great guidance system. Sit and fully imagine each of the two scenarios. Really picture it in your head. How do you FEEL? Which scenario FEELS better?
Pick that one.
Honestly, if it were me I'd start my own new tradition. Things are only going to get more complicated in the future...and can you imagine OW there in your house with the girls in the next year or two? Because it will be impossible to celebrate "happy family" style in the future without her involved. Like it or not, she's going to be a part of the family....
So, could you do this? Because if you can't, you need to stop it now. I don't have kids, but I'm married to a man whose parents are divorced and that makes the holidays nutty. I've seen it both ways: my divorced in-laws and their spouses all together as well as separate celebrations. I have to tell you, the kids (and me!) prefer the separate celebrations because even after 20-years of divorce and remarriages, there's a constant tension between them. They can't stand each other, and it no matter how cordial everyone is, it's just unpleasant.
Be aware, though, that you may have to agree to switch off Christmas mornings from year to year to be "fair." Or not...I think you have a lot more leverage than you think you do....
And sweetie, I actually got up and applauded you when I read you took your cookbook back. Good for you. It's the start of a really good roar...
SD
Julie,
I thought about what I would post when I got home, and SD has said it already.
Having their father there might be nice, and it might be very confusing to your girls. If you have an agreement that says you'll "swap Christmas Eve night through Christmas Morning Wakeup custody" year by year, do you think you'll be at his house on Christmas Morning next year?
You're a great Mom and you've proven that again and again. Trust yourself.
Suzy,
Okay, after reading the other opinions I think a lot of people have a point when they say it is time for new traditions.
You can listen to your gut, too. I found that sometimes I would see my own sitch in the ones that were posted. It's good to live and learn together, gaining from one another's experiences. It's also good to know when we need to follow our own best instincts.
I'm not saying it's wrong to change your mind, or right to share Christmas morning, just that sometimes I have looked for answers, here and elsewhere (like from my T), that have to come from inside me. Maybe that's the best my experience can offer anyone else.
I had a lot of examples from my own sitch, during the S, after the D was final, and even this upcoming holiday season, which I was going to post here. Besides the fact that this is Julie's thread and I'm already toying with megapostness (while my writing to the evening still awaits), I don't think I have any answers. So now I'll shut up.
Thanks,
Joe
I do need to put my self first, but I have this thing, that my kids will always come before me
And I hear you. But this reminds me of a convo I had w/ my C last week. Basicall I was telling her about H calling the day before as I was making dinner and he was across the street so he wanted to come see the kids. And I said ok b/c it was best for the kids. And my C asked "Is it really? Or is it best for them to be able to have their time with their mom?" So just something to think about. That sometimes you need to put yourself 1st so the kids see that and also that your time with the kids has value and maybe they need that uninterrupted time w/ you.
Just my thoughts right now.
Thanks BBA, SD and Joe...
I am thinking this thru and I have in no way made up my mind... but here's what I am feeling...
I want to start new traditions w/ my kids, starting now. And no, this isn't something that will be happening every year, sorry. So wanting to start my traditions now is important. Also, I don't think it will be good for the kids. Have I mentioned lately that D6 has been asking me EVERY DAY why we can't just un-divorce? Sorry, I don't think it's good for my kids. They will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day w/ their dad. But I am leaning toward keeping the morning mine.
And do I feel selfish? Hmmm... a little. But I also feel entitled. I want to have MY time with the kids. I don't encroach on his time. This isn't about making things equal to me. It's about having my time and my traditions with the kids.
So... we'll see what happens as this percolates in my brain and as I talk to my counselor and advisors.
Thanks to all who have taken the time to respond. It means a lot. And most of you have hit my position on the head. Thanks.
Oops, I almost forgot to thank you too, Rob...
So, I am having a GREAT morning... I love this time of year. For those of you who didn't know me last Christmas, I started a tradition with my kids that Jingle and Jangle, Santa's elves, would come to visit every night in December leading up to Christmas. Some nights they would decorate the house with snowflakes or bring little treats. Anyway, last night the girls were being pretty good, but not sharing wonderfully so I mentioned that it's only another 3.5 weeks until december when J&J come and that they are watching us right now. It was amazing. The girls were wonderful last night. And this morning, I came downstairs and D6's light was on. Odd, I thought and I tried to remember if I had turned it on before getting in the shower, but I didn't remember going downstairs. And this is a kid who I have to beg to get out of bed in the morning... well, she's in the bathroom brushing her teeth and she's fully dressed. I about fell over. So she told me to look in her room (it was an absolute pig sty last night) and it was spotless and her laundry was in the basket and her bed was made. I seriously about fell over. I swooned. Blew my mind. I love this time of year.
I am sooooooooooooooooooo going to borrow Jingle and Jangle...
anything to get my cleans to clean their room beforethey suffocate under the piles of STUFF!!!!
we kept some traditions (like buying new ornaments) but started new ones too...
it is very true that whatever you decide needs to come from within you.
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Julius!
You go girl! This is about new traditions and making a new memories. You are so smart. You don't need us....sheesh!
That's such a great idea with extending the holidays and at the sametime killing 2 birds with one stone. That's what I'm talkin' about. Hey do you think I could use it on myself? I mean if I had a treat to look forward to everynight maybe maybe that would give me insentive to get something constructive done instead of hanging out in a bubble bath or talking on the phone....NAH!
I agree with everyone else. If there is ever a time or a reason to put yourself first, this would be it. He needs to face it, things have changed. He did the changing and you have a right to have your wishes honored. Now he'll have to live with the consequences, and I guess right now it's about xmas morning.
Love,
Bethie
Yeah, I saw this. Thanks. he he he... Now it will be locked in for all time in black and white. What, did you get hit on the head on the way in to work?
You don't need us....sheesh
Need and want are two different things... but I do need you all, you know that.
HAHAHAHA...
Gracious as always. I hope if I take 1 thing away from this friendship it will be your modesty. (you're getting really good at tooting your own horn at my expense!)
By the way, I did bang my head getting in the car. How did you know? Did I say something out of charachter and nice? Cause I don't remember a thing and I'll deny it if asked. I really don't know who wrote that!
I hope if I take 1 thing away from this friendship it will be your modesty
I'm sure that was a misprint... Or are you really that silver-tongued???
(you're getting really good at tooting your own horn at my expense!)
Thanks for noticing... we narcissistic types like the attention.
By the way, I did bang my head getting in the car.
This reminds me of my favorite episode of 'The Office'... the one where Michael burns his foot on his George Foreman grill in his bedroom and when Dwight is rushing off to get him, he drives his car into a pole and then gets out and throws up all over his car. Funny stuff... Did you at least manage to miss your shoes this time?
Yes that was a funny episode but this week looks really good as well, Dunder Mifflin (or Michael) goes green. Heck, I love them all!
As far as the "modesty" comment goes, when you have nothing to hide you hide nothing, but I question why you took it in the contect that you did. Perhaps you need to go to confession. Just a little suggestion..........
I love that show! and Julie that was the funniest episode, that and the Christmas/Ipod one lol
ok just thought i'd add lol
Hey KS... Thanks for stopping by. I loved the Ipod episode also. I need to buy season 2, 3, 4... funny stuff! Ok, I know season 4 isn't out yet, but I'm a planner.
Hope everyone's in a lovely mood! I'm having a great day. Got up this morning and kids got themselves dressed. While I was distracted, D4 made her bed and D6 made me breakfast (buttered toast). I AM SO LUCKY!! Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I am one lucky woman. Also got a chance to clean my car so it is spotless and shining. That feels good. Next on to my house... blech.
Well, ttfn. Have a great day!
Julie
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? arf arf
Hi Bethie... Waving both hands at you... yep, I'm over here...
Hey KS... Thanks for stopping by. I loved the Ipod episode also. I need to buy season 2, 3, 4... funny stuff! Ok, I know season 4 isn't out yet, but I'm a planner.
Hope everyone's in a lovely mood! I'm having a great day. Got up this morning and kids got themselves dressed. While I was distracted, D4 made her bed and D6 made me breakfast (buttered toast). I AM SO LUCKY!! Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I am one lucky woman. Also got a chance to clean my car so it is spotless and shining. That feels good. Next on to my house... blech.
Well, ttfn. Have a great day!
How cute is that? I miss my kids being little and still believing. Holidays are so different when they get out of that stage. Oh don't feel bad for me I still have lots of fun with them (and the presents are better).
I hope that on December 26th they wake up thinking "we've had enough of this crap!" You had better be coming up with something else to hold over their sweet little heads!
I hope that on December 26th they wake up thinking "we've had enough of this crap!"
Gee thanks, my dear friend. Sheesh. With friends like you, who needs enemies.
You had better be coming up with something else to hold over their sweet little heads!
Well, they both have birthdays in January so I think I'll be golden for another month at least.
hey girl,
glad you are having a great day! have a great weekend!
Then there's Valentine's Day, then Easter.. you're good through at least May!!
(((Julie)))
You sound great.
I'd like to steal that idea, too, but I'm not sure I can get S15 to fall for it.
Thanks Kym, Nikki and Joe for stopping by!
Heading off to work, but just got an email from STBX... apparently he is taking issue with the person I chose to do the CMA of my house for the settlement... and it was the realtor we bought the house from. Sheesh. I can't win for losin'.
I think the correct phrase is "I can't win with this loser!"
I think the correct phrase is "I can't win with this loser!"
Good one Rob!
Julie,
Now let me get this straight. You talked to him last night and he never mentioned a thing about this??? He is sooooooooooooooo
P/A. Either he lays in beds thinking of this stuff to b&tch about or he's not much liking that he has so little control. He's questioning all of the details because he didn't call the shots.
With some people it will always be something!
Love,
Bethie
Love,
bethie
Thanks Rob and Bethie...
For some reason, Bethie, I got double the pleasure I usually get from your posts this time...
Well for once the Broncos won the game so the weekend is a success.
Feeling a little under the weather as I am fighting a cold, but life goes on. Last night I asked D4 who put her hair in a pony tail and she said OW. Then she said "Daddy kissed OW and they love each other and they danced and he picked her up" in a sing-song voice. I didn't react. D6 didn't either so today I brought that up with her... I want her to know she can talk to me about her feelings, even about this. So I asked her if she wanted to talk about anything and of course she said the D. I then said "D4 was talking about daddy and OW last night" and D6 said 'yeah, they kissed'. So I asked her how she felt about that and she said ok. So I just said I wanted her to know she can talk to me about anything. And it was over. I'm really trying to put my best foot forward here, folks. I'm trying to take a page from C2's playbook about extending my hand, yada yada. I'm trying to get my head on straight and maintain some peace about this. So keep us in your thoughts. Cuz I need all the support I can get!
You dun good!!! I know it must be hard to hear that kind of stuff even if at the moment you hate his stinkin' guts!!!
Hope your cold gets better soon.
Well Julius,
Gotta nip that little cold in the buds. I'm perscribing plenty of liquids, rest, and I'm putting you on a clear liquid diet. Don't ask I just am! (I was ALMOST a Nurse you know!)
I know that husband is not your favorite person at the moment, but it still smatz to think that they can move on so effortlessly, as if it's business as usual. I really believe that because he has so many issues, and such deep pain, that they feel entitled. That makes it easy for them to justify doing as they please.
Doing this at other peoples expense?? Not a problem. They detach so much that they can't feel our pain. Being able to separate what we're doing, from what we're doing to someone who loves us, makes it all possible!
You're doing great and you do know the drill!
Love,
Bethie
Thank you, bethie... I even read your post w/ a Boston accent for ya.
Emailed a recipe to you...
Thank you, bethie... I even read your post w/ a Boston accent for ya.
Emailed a recipe to you...
HAHAHA......could you tell that I was wicked pissed? Besides, what accent? What are you talking about?
Thanks for The recipe. Going over to check..it ..out!
Good Morning Julie,
Hope you have a great Tuesday planned.
morning Julie!!!
Hello friends. I've made my way off my deathbed for the time being. Actually, I have to pick up D6 from school in an hour so I didn't have a choice.
But I got hit hard. I actually had to call X yesterday to ask him to keep the girls last night. Thankfully, he was a real gem. Hopefully another good night's rest tonight will get me back on my feet.
Just got a call from X that his fave uncle in WA passed away this morning. Not sure of the details, but the uncle was only around 50 and I know it had to rock X pretty hard. So I'll be returning the favor by covering the kids this weekend for him so he can attend the services. Icky stuff.
Nothing else going on here. The cat was driving me crazy. He couldn't figure out why I was in bed all day and night.
Glad you are feeling better lovey
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JULIUS.........
I thought I gave you strict orders to stay in bed. No be coming on here and spreading your germs!
I'm glad you're feeling better. You were worrying me being MIA and on Veterans Day of all days!
Love,
Bethie
Oh, sweetie. Sounds to me like you need to get back in bed. And keep taking good care of yourself. I'm sorry this bug hit you so hard. Glad X stepped up to help with the girls. Get well!!!! Soon!!!!! I hope you let your little angels help take care of Mommy today. Since the cat isn't doing enough to help you out and all.
Ugh... still on my death bed. But I have clients today. Blech. Just got a call from school... D6 is sick so I'm off to pick her up. Thank goodness for grandmas.
When it rains it pours. Take care of your self Sweetie. Hope your little one isn't feeling too badly!
sorry about the bug
try soaking in a hot bath with epsom salts
my grandma swears by it and I don't know if it's fear of my grandma or what but it always makes me feel better!!!
Whew... rough night last night. It was a cluster f*ck on all parts and by the end of it, I was scratching my head and beating myself up for letting it get to the point it did. But, hopefully, I'll be able to turn the cost into tuition rather than letting it keep costing me.
On a brighter note, I went to bed early so I got a good night's sleep (other than getting up w/ D4 in the middle of the night w/ her knee pain) & D6 woke up in a sunny mood which was amazing considering the mood she went to bed in. D4 was still a mess this morning, but I just called daycare and she's doing great. So... a breather for julie. X is heading out of town tomorrow to go to his uncle's funeral and the whole family will be there and he isn't quite sure when he'll be back so T-day with the girls is up in the air. He was supposed to have the girls on Wed and I booked clients heavily, so that puts a damper on my plans. But, the daycare lady might have space so I'm not gonna sweat it too much today.
ANyway, have a great day. I'm feeling a little better which always helps morale.
Julie
glad you are feeling a little better Julie
Thanks, fig! Have a good day.
thanks...we are doing Shakepseare now so while I HATE Romeo and Juliet, I love Shakespeare
life is all about the give and takes huh?
Double double toil and trouble
Fires burn and cauldrons bubble..........man, I love MacBeth
Julius (as in Caesar see Fig I'm into Shakespear as well HAH!),
Glad last night is over and it's a new day, and hopefully a better one! Remember to still take it easy because you're not out of the woods yet.
Too bad Wednesday is going to be so hectic, but I'm sure having your girls with you on Thanksgiving will make it all worthwhile!
Oh and...bite me!
Love,
Bethie
fillet of a fenny snake,
in the cauldron boil and bake;
eye of newt and toe of frog,
wool of bat and tongue of dog,
adder's fork and blind worm's sting,
lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
for a charm of pow'rful trouble,
like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
I used the ActI Scene V scene to audition for plays...Lady Macbeth is one of the most fun characters to play...she is looooooooooooney!!!!
Well you sure topped me but that's ok because that is one of my favorites!
So... got to my meeting today and the school called... D6 has a fever again. :P
Too bad Wednesday is going to be so hectic,
Not so bad anymore... I just found out one client is a no-go so I might get to go shopping w/ the twin.
U WISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sure hope that J is feeling better and that B does get what ever germ the 2 of you have. You don't want to be stuck in all weekend, right?
TGIF!
Well, most importantly, I have a job interview in 2 hours for a position as an interpreter thru a local service agency in their prenatal program. So keep your fingers crossed cuz I think this will work in nicely with what I'm doing already and it sounds like something i'll really enjoy.
ALso, I've mentioned X's uncle dying this week and it's really sent me for a loop. I've been a part of this family for 17 years- more than half my life. This man meant something to me and I feel left behind. So I'm trying to make my peace with this. But it's really hit me hard (I've always had 'issues' with mortality, etc) and has spured some changes in me.
I feel so different than I did even last week. I've dropped the rope. I'm done worrying about the choices X makes or the R he is having w/ OW. I've talked to her twice this week. I've let go. I'm feeling more peaceful. I'm feeling charmed. My life is brilliant, kind of thing. And I couldn't be happier that I've done this b/c it just feels so right to me. I'm loving life.
And on a funnier note... D4 just came to me with a box of Lysol wipes and asked what they are for. So I explained you wipe off items that have been handled by someone who is sick and she is following D6 around, asking her what she touched so she can wipe it off. Now she is hovering asking if she's finished with the pencil she is using... umm, please drop the pencil so I can disinfect it. OMG, this is hilarious.
Did I mention, my life is charmed? I bet that interview will go just fine.
Hug your kids and drop the rope, people. You're worth that.
Julius,
Great post and even better advice!
You're sounding good. Of course it helps when you're feeling better, doesn't it? It is weird how when something like this happens we find ourselves greiving alone seeing that we're no longer part of the family. I still have a hard time dealing with that one. Of course it shows what a good heart you have and that you genuinely care. You sure wouldn't want to lose that, then you'd be just like your husband, and that hard heart of his. Although this should be interesting since you said how much you husband loved this man. Wonder if this put a few cracked in the ice?
Four year olds are so much fun and she sounds like a real charachter. Enjoy every single second.........
Love,
Bethie
Yay JULES!!!!!
GOOD LUCK AT YOUR INTERVIEW!!!!
You will rock their socks off!!!
good luck! I am sure you will get the job!!!
Did I mention, my life is charmed? I bet that interview will go just fine.
You bet it is.
Good luck on the interview sweets
Thanks all for the well wishes.
The interview went well. The job is pretty cool. A local organization is putting together a program to combat low-birth weights in our county. SO they are targeting lower-income mothers and getting them qualified for programs and getting them transportation and interpreting if necessary for dr visits. It sounds pretty amazing. The pay sucks, but it's 15 hours per week so I'm able to do it with my other stuff. And they'll pay for medical interpreting/translating training which could be beneficial to me in the long run. So I like the looks of it and I imagine they liked the looks of me. So we'll see if it's meant to be.
Hey Julie,
Although the pay might suck, it sounds like you'll have the opportunity to help a lot of people. There's value in that!!! In knowing you, I know you would be perfect for something like this. Good luck!
Thanks Tom! Nice to see you around!
Sounds like a good opportunity for you, Jules, aside from the sucko pay. I can really picture you in a position like this, where you are helping out folks who need it and making a difference. The world needs more people like you!
Joooolie,
Hope you get this job. It sounds perfect for you!!!
You really do seem at peace. Isn't it grand?? And, it's just gonna keep getting better!!!!
Your youngest D is a hoot!!! Geeze, she must've got that from her dad, right?
Sounding really good Julie. Good luck w/the job!!
Oh my gosh, your D is so funny. Thanks for sharing that.