If a specific post was interesting or useful to you, we recommend that you Like that post. It tells the post author, and others, that you found the information valuable. Clicking Like is another way to let others know that you enjoy it without leaving a comment.
Log in to join the conversation and Like this content.
Hey LB. Good work on the GAL front. Keep building your portfolio of "things to do" and over time it just becomes a natural habit of things you enjoy, that keep your mind busy, and improve your life on a few dimensions.
You talk about "drawing her out from behind her defensive walls" and, from what I've read about your situation, that feels a bit premature to me. We often talk here about first and completely dropping the rope (letting go of trying to control or influence your spouse, the relationship, trying to drive a R). I'd suggest there is some work to be done to focus just on you and your kids. Let W do what she's going to do in response to that. MWD also talks about "acting as if" you're doing fine, moving forward, etc. with your life, irrespective of what W does. This is where (if it is going to happen) W may start to get curious about the "new" person you've become, the self-improvement you're demonstrating, your contentment, and other things that can be seductive.
DnJ gave me some good advice about events like those you describe and hopefully, you're already following it. But if not, be sure that you're just sharing what you and the kids will do and leaving the door open for her to opt in or not. Be unconcerned if she chooses not to join you and, if she does join you, be positive and avoid reading too much into it for now. Just live in the moment and soon perhaps you'll piece together lots of positive moments with any luck.
Lastly, regarding being "friends" or helping financially with getting a coaching business up and running, I often refer to myself as having been "fired" from being a husband as long as the D is pending. I try to avoid doing things that are "benefits" of being a spouse and even one of my friends. I'm treating W more like an acquaintance in general and more concerning things involving our D13. It helps me in most cases maintain a good boundary. If you're still doing things you'd do as a husband or to the same extent, that is like letting a spouse have their cake and eat it too (cake eating).
It can be hard when you feel like your spouse might be making an effort to see if the relationship can be repaired so there are no hard and fast rules here. We LBSs can often want so badly for things to work out, to reconcile, etc. that we're at risk of seeing things too optimistically. I've found this board very helpful in that respect. Otherwise, keep up the good work!
