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Things have been relatively quiet until yesterday. W abruptly asked if I might be interested in revisiting counseling/therapy. I said I wasn't sure and I've been increasingly at peace with getting a D. W struggled to explain her reasoning for the sudden interest in revisiting counseling. Maybe a temperature check? I've been active in spending a mix of time with close friends, family, D13, and on my own doing several enjoyable things. I've attended a few celebrations, concerns, wine tastings, and D13s sporting events while trying to sketch out a small business plan.
Whether its a temp check or a waffling of emotions from your w matters not to what you are doing. You just stay detached and GAL like a mad man. Continue to let your w figure out her sh!t.
Originally Posted by MrP
I asked for some time to think about it. W suggested that, if I was open to it, perhaps each of us could identify 2-to 3 potential counselors to consider. I nodded and left the conversation there.
I know you were caught of guard - but IMHO - let her find the counselor. It would show motivation on her part.
Originally Posted by MrP
It is interesting because overnight I've been thinking more about how unattractive the behaviors that W had been engaging in have become to me. I realized my feelings of attraction to W had significantly dipped after the last few months.
This is actually the sweet rewards on detaching. The rose colored glasses come off and we can see our spouse for who they truly are in this present time. And interestingly enough - it comes with a sense of peace about it where you can still love your spouse... but not like them at the moment. You no longer get mad about the rollercoaster ride. You just don't buy the ticket.
Originally Posted by MrP
For those who may not have time to go back and re-read my history, we faced several, common marital issues. This is my 2nd time DBing. Over the last 4-5 years, I've busted my tail to be responsive to fixing things I was doing that contributed to half of what got us to near D the first time around. Our former MC and my ongoing IC validated my efforts. I'd been feeling an increasing sense of closure as each day passed and though there are months left to go in the D process.
W hasn't reciprocated and that is a large part of why I'm skeptical about her ability to make and maintain positive changes. Still, in the spirit of MWD's writings, I tend to be anti-divorce unless there several things are present (physical or mental abuse, drugs/alcohol, specific mental health challenges, etc.). So, I'm assessing if W's mental health challenge is likely to continue to sabotage the chance for progress. I've not completely fallen out of love, and also believe D13 is one of many good reasons to try to repair things if that is genuinely possible. I don't want to lose my personal "hard-won gains" as we say and refuse to go back to much of what our old marriage looked like. I do feel like a prize at this point for the right partner.
I would continue being skeptical. Past actions dictate future ones... until they don't. You won't have to guess if your w wants to reconcile. It will be abundantly clear to YOU.
