Oh Kanga I feel for you. I have been there, that horrible feeling, that immense pain right in your chest. Wanting to stay in bed all day, not eating or sleeping. It really is the worst thing I have ever been through. But I survived. And you will too. One day at a time. Just remember to breathe.
Firstly stop beating yourself up with what you could or should have done. Unfortunately us trying to “nice “ them back never works. We all resist the advice on here and think we know best. But there’s a fine line between being nice and a doormat. You need to drop the emotional rope. It’s when you will finally start to feel better. I have no idea what one magical thing made me do it but moreso a collection of anything and everything. I had my kids so that sort of forced me to get up every single day and do things even though I just wanted to stay in bed. So try and do 3 things for yourself every single day, mute your phone to H when you are doing those things, start a new hobby, join a group, anything that gives you a reason to drag yourself out of bed every day and move. Do you have a dog? I found my dog really helped me. She is an energetic 2 year old now but she showed u conditional love, kept me company at night, and made me walk her daily. She really was my best therapy. To me, it sounds like H wants to keep the door open with you, just in case his plan doesn’t
Work out. If he’s open to MC then I imagine that’s good, ( my H wasn’t and still isn’t) but I am not sure how someone who isn’t really religious any more will
Feel in a religious counselling session.
Don’t feel pressured into reaching out to H because he said he would leave it up to you. Sounds like he’s baiting you really. Leave him, step back,
Let him miss you. He knows that you still
Love him and want the marriage to work. You don’t need to remind him all the time. Let him miss you and see what life is like without you dropping everything for him. Personally I
Wouldn’t call him. See him at counselling have a chat and then go your seperate ways.
Be a bit mysterious let him wonder what you’re up to what you’re doing. And in the meantime don’t let him know you’re internally combusting-that’s what we do in our private time he doesn’t need to know that. Take the time and breather from him for YOU. Because you need it. We get so dragged down by the H in these situations. As females we want to fix and nurture and want to know every single emotion and talk everything out constantly. Step back and take a breath and just focus on you for now.
And NEVER be ashamed of slip ups along the way. That’s how we learn and grow through this. I did my fair share of incredibly silly things. It’s how we learn and grow from this. One day at a time. Keep posting. I often found much better advice on here from the vets than through counselling because it’s likeminded people who have walked your shoes. We all want our WAS to snap out of it, we all question and over analyse anything and everything we ever did and do. They make us believe we are so in the wrong. Just try and shelve the “what’s going to happen in my marriage” for now and work on one day at a time try to live in the present and honestly just do what you need to get through. It’s all very up in the air and there’s no possibly way to try and guess how this will play out. Just one day at a time. Try and conserve your energy for you