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The short answer is no BUT you also have to be willing to let it go in order to do so.
Originally Posted by KangaB
As H and I normally catch up on weekends, H assumed (after treating me poorly all week because I set boundaries) that he would come over. H sent a text and said “Would you like me to come over or what?” I told H, I was having a girly night in and if he wanted to come across he could come with me to have fish and chips at our favourite spot at the beach (where he proposed to me). I didn’t even think about it, it was just somewhere I wanted to go because the swell was huge. My invite generated a rage from him because he saw me as ‘ho hum’ about it all and seeing him. He told me he never wants to see that shitty place again and find someone else to take there. There were many more texts of rage and spew and I answered with (sparingly), “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way…!” etc. One of the momentous texts I got was, “I don’t need you anyway, I have others in my life that think I’m important!”
Sounds like you need to step up the boundaries on yourself and quit engaging so much.
Originally Posted by KangaB
I tried so hard to leave my phone and get on with it and the Rage texts went on and on into the night. I eventually told H (in a nutshell) that I don’t care for his raging anymore… I’m not some POS that is going to be treated with disrespect and if you don’t have anything nice to say please don’t contact me anymore. He raged for another two texts asking me why I don’t to divorce him. That statement or the equivalent is one of H’s go to’s when he is out of the M.
Let's flip the script... instead of asking your H to take care of you - how could you have taken care of yourself better during this. Turning off the phone? Blocking his texts for the night? What prevents you from doing so? Why are his needs more important than you be spoken to w/ respect?
Originally Posted by KangaB
My question is… with all this spittle, does it mean my boundaries really are working and is he trying to disclose his guilt over EA contact with XW?
1. No. It means he can't regulate his emotions and is spewing all over you 2. Boundaries are not for him. They are for YOU. As long as they are the him - they will fail. It is true that boundaries will change a dynamic of a relationship but you have to stand firm in the decisions that best serve you. If thats no text - raging... make it so. It's time to take back your power.
Originally Posted by KangaB
I’m determined today to have NC with H whatsoever. I have to contact him tomorrow about financial matters.
This is a good first step. Try holding yourself to your boundaries before you expect others to do the same.
