Good Morning MA

Wow, another sudden appearance of H on your doorstep. He certainly do boomerangs back and forth, with this time’s circling by being near midnight.

Originally Posted by MA1970
I provided him with the recent activities 2 weeks ago asking for a divorce, 4 days ago telling our D thst he had never been happier and wasn't happy in the marriage & on that day turning up saying he would leave OW because he misses me! He did acknowledge the discrepancy in his statement.

Lol. Yes, pretty huge discrepancy. Well done not getting pulled into his emotional maelstrom.

He sure tried to get you to take the bait didn’t he? Even returning ten minutes later and asking to sleep on the couch. Good for you sticking to your path.

Originally Posted by MA1970
How do I be kind and supportive without giving him false hope? I care for him, he's my children's father but equally I don't want him bombarding both him and my daughter with messages and craziness.

There isn’t much you can do to stop H’s messaging or reaching out to the kids. Presently, my son is being bombarded by XW/Mom with call after call, text after text. He has told me of what’s going on and XW’s desperation is rife. Anyhow, be available to talk with your kids and help them organize or gently steer things as needed.

Regarding not giving false hope:

Originally Posted by MA1970
He expressed regret & said he was still with her but would end it if I took him back. I said he shouldn't do that but should speak to his IC about how he can strengthen the relationship with OW. I said I was happy how I am now and didn't see my future with him so he should focus everything on his relationship with her.

So, is there no hope? No reconciliation possible?

I totally agree do not take him back because he would end things with OW if you did. That’s just such a junior high school type mentality from him. Stereotypical teenager sounding is what H currently is.

Are you are truly done, or more indifferent? Personally, I find there is always some wee hope flickering away. It’s up to one if they choose to fan the flames or pat them out.

Remember, hope is timeless. It is not an expectation. It may even never come to pass. Yet it can persist.


Hope” is the thing with feathers
By Emily Dickinson

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.


I think not wanting to give false hope is one trying to extinguish their internal song. Perhaps, embrace your hope. Just realize it’s target is not for H to become who you need him to be, rather for H to become who he needs to be. It’s surprising how much more one gains when letting go. You can be supportive without being the protector. You can care and be compassionate about him, while not being dragged into his mess.

Originally Posted by MA1970
Feels like such a lot has happened but really crystallised that I am detached and able to see I have a potentially much better future ahead without him. I NEVER thought I would have thought that at the start of this 8 months ago!

Absolutely. And I am proud of you MA. You’ve come so very far in eight months. Just imagine where you’ll be eight months from now. And it’s that very reason, I’d not burn too many bridges or close too many doors right now. The future is unknown and full of possibilities. Live well, and cherish the gift of time.

D