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Your post resonates with me. And I empathize with both your emotions and their depth.
Betrayal is worse than any other thing/sin. To be betrayed requires that person to have your trust and faith, and for them to knowingly shatter that. The pain from such an act is horrific in its torment and tarring down of us. Quite literally, world upending.
You’ve well illustrated the grief, and the differences between losses. And yes, losing one’s spouse due to a death has very different aftermath. Collateral damages are less, among other things.
You were around during my situation’s hay day. And I, your’s. I too, so proud when I wore my wedding ring. Loved the pictures on the wall. I often lamented that if XW had died she would have been remembered and beloved almost as a saint. The question of “Was ANY OF IT ever real?”, I asked myself quite a bit.
I believe it was.
Certainly, my XW lead a duplicitous life. For how long, is still an unanswered question. However, it matters not. The part in which she interacted with me, the kids, parents, friends, etc., was genuine. Or she is the world’s best actress.
We all look back and deduce the timeline as best we can. In my case, the time leading up to XW’s bomb drop, has a definite flavour and behaviour to it, unlike the preceding decades. I seems to recall your XH displayed similar behaviours and inner torments.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
“I hate going back and forth between houses and now the reason for that has left." Yikes. I didn't really know how to address it except to say that his dad and my relationship was in trouble long before OW showed up and she wasn't the reason his dad left, she was just the way he chose to do it.
Yes. The affair partner is a symptom, not the reason.
I think what you said was good. Hopefully son (and daughter) will find peace with it all.
I am sorry to hear about the house and property plans. The aftermath of recent world events have certainly derailed many plans and upgrades for many folks. I do understand the financial risk and uncertainty. (OMG, the inflation and interest rates!) However, I am curious, if you wish to share, as to what you meant by too much of an emotional risk.
OW’s passing would understandably stir some emotions within you. Not the least of which, is empathizing with XH’s pending grief and loss, and the suffering he is about to face.
I do not think you are backsliding. And you and I have often discussed forgiveness. It’s an interesting place to be grateful and not harbour resentments.
