W told me she wants to meet up to talk before she leaves town again tomorrow. I asked her what she wants to discuss and she just said she wants to talk about herself and have me kindly listen. I’ve been re-reading the validation threads and mentally preparing myself to not be drawn into an R talk.
It sounded like the meet up went well. You mostly steered clear of R talk, or perpetuating it the times she brought it up.
And a week later she followed up with a text.
Originally Posted by URS0
W texted me last night thanking me for giving her space to share what was on her mind when we met last week. She also shared with me what she was up to - a first in a couple of months.
Keep on giving time and space.
Interestingly, she shared her feelings and what she’s been up to. As you recognized, that behaviour is different than her usual, up to now, behaviour. It may be she is starting to feel the loss of you.
It takes time for a spouse to burn through their emotions regarding us. Their angry justifying emotions. It’s then, that they may realize that they are still unhappy and we haven’t been involved for a good long while. Some then run further, not yet ready for anything else; lots do reach out to their LBS to stir things up and get another jolt of justification(s); and a few start to look inward towards themselves and the true cause of their unhappiness.
The process is slow. Glacially slow.
Originally Posted by URS0
Often it doesn’t feel like it but time is truly on your side. Sometimes you just need 8 hours - to realize your thoughts were leading you astray. Sometimes a week - to realize that your spouse had a different reaction than you anticipated in the moment. Sometimes months - to start finding yourself outside of the relationship that you felt defined you. And sometime years.
I continue to focus on what I can control - which is myself.
Most wise.
Feelings are fleeting. Beliefs take much longer. Focus upon self and keep moving forward.
Realize W is also walking a similar path of realizations. Although her time for awakenings and epiphanies is somewhat longer. I do suspect W is starting to notice you, the new and improve you.
Continue working towards the best version of yourself, and let her do what she will. All while you keep moving forward and living. You’ve got the gift of time.
