You know I'm gonna come at ya from a different perspective, cause that's what I do....
Reading this, I get the feeling that the situation with your FIL is actually taking the front seat anyhow.
Some of what you/her are saying makes sense, yet a LOT of it doesn't.
A WAS that wants to come back, yet isn't pursuing, doesn't want to put the effort in to work on things, let alone a Woman that doesn't appear to want to work toward a healthy, happy, emotional connection... ????
Hmmm.....
Mike, I really feel as if she is facing the loss of her Father, and facing the loss of you, and everything that has been "real" in her life to this point, and she is scared schidtless that the bottom is gonna fall out of everything for her, and she is looking to YOU to be her safe spot to land...
I think a lot of this is a "touch and go" for her. She is trying to say the right things , yet just enough to keep you "close" for her next patch of unknown. Words and actions certainly aren't aligning.
I would suggest this....
Make yourself a list of what a reconciliation would look like for you. What supports the person that you are becoming, where you want to be. A template of sorts, of what you want in a partner. How they define love, and how they support you in your morals and values.
Then be totally honest with yourself when you hold her up to it....
Without total brutal honesty, open communication, and transparency from both parties, there can be no trust rebuilt. and I certainly don't see you both there.....
On another note....
Did you find that site ?
I think it was "Bullnose Ford Trucks".....on Read it....(or something similarly spelled)...
For now ???
Words change nothing....
Keep being Mike for now, deal with what is in front of you immediately.
IF this is real, then that is long road, and you WILL have time to figure it out.
And whatever you do, DO NOT sell yourself, just so that you can say that you are still married....
